9yo daughter is experiencing severe anxiety.

[Worried_step_dad]

Hi people.

Thought I'd try reach out to others in a similar position, stumbled upon this site whilst researching causes and treatments for anxiety in children.

Think it's awesome that our great country has services such as this, and I'm confident that joining these forums can only benefit my situation and possibly provide some insightful advice from those already dealing with a young child suffering severe anxiety.

My step daughter is 9 years old and unfortunately is not coping very well at the moment. I completed the online survey and received a very high score, I have no doubt she is suffering from severe anxiety and needs as much love, reassurance and help possible from me and her mother right now, but a little unsure as to wheather or not we should seek medical advice just yet.

Her natural father has never been able to control his anger or emotions in front of her since the separation from her mother over 5 years ago.

It has gradually gone from bad to worse to now extreme, and despite my every effort to respect his position as her father, I have supported and helped my partner to recently take out an intervention order against him, and suspend all contact with his daughter.

As expected the long term stress experienced, with the current turmoil and fear caused by her own biological fathers actions has sent my step daughter into a wild rollercoaster ride of emotions.

I'm trying my very best to provide the love and support required, whilst bearing in mind that I am her step father and have to be very careful how I proceed in providing a full time fathers role to her in his absence.

Her mother and I have a 3 year old child together, and are currently planning our marriage whilst also saving a deposit for a house.

This whole situation is far from ideal, but despite my best efforts to avoid the inevitable, her father has caused an enormous amount of distress and has placed strain on the whole family, including grandparents and extended loved ones.

But we have a very close family unit with good communication and our main concern is the emotion effect it is causing my step daughter.

The symptoms of anxiety are all there, and recently she has been complaining of physical chest pains. A late night trip to the emergency department was inconclusive and the doctor believes it's possible stress/anxiety is the cause.

We are all very concerned for her health, but not sure how best to treat the situation and proceed.

Has anybody here been through similar?

[Worried_step_dad]

Billy c.......

I can relate to your own situation more than you will ever know, as I briefly mentioned in my last response I have an 18yo daughter from my first relationship.

I hit rock bottom several times over the past 15years. My ex even sent me messages telling me to kill myself and that my daughter was better off with her new dad not me!!!

Despite completing numerous courses and extensive family therapy her fight to keep me out of my daughters life was relentless. The cost of never ending family court cases, not limited to just a financial cost but also the emotional cost it had on me is something I would never wish on my worst enemy.

But it has shaped the person I am today, and at least I can say I did everything i possibly could. Now all I can do it wait for the day my daughter grows enough strength to break free from the brainwashing, and seeks me out in the future.

Bearing in mind you now feel a level of empathy for a man you don't know, a man who despite my every efforts to foster and support his contact with his daughter, has made some extremely bad life choices that have had a detremental impact on his daughter.

She currently has used the word hate a lot when referring to him, and has expressed that she wishes he was not her father..

My main concern is the children, it is my step daughter who is missing out on spending time with her father. NOT him missing out on spending time with her!

I'm sorry to be so blunt with this message mate, but I think you may also agree what I'm saying is right.

Sincerely

[Billyc]

Im with you,

it is a very challenging space to live in.

I too, like you have been painted poorly in the eyes of their mother...

they are 7 and 9. And just yesterday I had a bizarre chat with my 7 year old, it was like her mother’s words were coming through her mouth, I could even hear her mother’s voice in the background. As if she were treating my daughter like a puppet.

its shattering to watch this happen. I’ve made some mistakes, never angry just mistakes,

It’s now as though she looks forward to my failures... for a while I would go along and tell people we are “amicable” there’s no point in pretending, she keeps a box full of hate that she pulls out in the instant I do something wrong.

She hasn’t told me I should kill myself, that’s super cruel, but I’m sometimes I think she thinks it.

sorry to digress from your step daughters issue, but I do feel it’s all relevant.