Very lost

[Sad80]

Hi,

pls don’t judge me but I was abuse as a child physically, mentally and emotionally by my mother. I’m from a single parent. I drank a lot but then I married a great guy. We had 2 kids. With the 2nd child I nearly died giving birth and then my mum said nasty things that made break down and not only did I suffered from a postnatal depression all the trauma I had as a child came back. I wanted to divorce my husband and thought cheating was the only way. I did a couple of times and finally admit it to him hoping that he will divorce me but I love him too much. We were ok for a couple of years but I had a lot of dark thoughts and I drank too much. Then I attempted suicide 2 years but survived. But currently things are not going well for me. I couldn’t get a job coz of the jab. I can’t travel and my relationship is not that great. Last week I drank too much and blacked out and cheated on my husband again. And now I feel really shitty. I don’t dare to tell my husband as he is a good person and at the sane time I don’t want to worry my kids but right now I feel all I do in this world is cause pain to ppl that I love. In religion I was told I will go to hell. So if I kill myself I’ll go to hell too. I feel like there is no turning back for me. I feel like I’m a useless garbage. And a useless to the society and my family. Pls tell me what should i do?

[Sophie_M]

Hi Sad80
 
Welcome to the forums and thank you for being a member of this open, kind and helpful community
 
It sounds like you have had to overcome many obstacles throughout your life and we commend you for having the strength to come this far; it’s important to be kind to yourself and part of that is reaching out for support. 
 
We know that it can be incredibly difficult to share our story, so we want to say thank you for showing such courage in posting and sharing your experience - you never know who will read this post and feel less alone on their own journey as also for you too.
 
We are here 24/7 on 1300 22 4636 or via our webchat.  Our team who answer the phones are ready to have a supportive and non-judgmental chat whenever you need it.
 
Thank you again for joining us here and for starting this conversation. Please feel free to come back and update us on how you are feeling, if you are comfortable.
 
Kind regards,
 
Sophie M

[geoff]

Hello Sad, it appears as though your life has been pretty tough, starting with what your mother has done to you and then developing PND along with drinking alcohol, which may have been done as an escape which you can't really be blamed for, except that you have been unfaithful to your husband only because you want to divorce him.

Starting off in life like this creates a huge demeanour in your attitude towards life which you certainly weren't asking for, but brought on by what happened.

I'm not religious, so hell is only a metaphor because no one can prove this to be so, and there is help out there to try and stabilise this awful beginning you had.

Please get back to us.

Geoff.