Hi Steven
I feel for you so deeply, given how challenging life has been for your over time in a variety of ways. From my own experience, I'd have to say perhaps one of the greatest challenges in life would have to involve feelings. From questioning 'Why do I feel the way I do?' through to 'Why can't I feel?', feelings can tie into so much of life and how we experience it.
I think one of the best definitions of emotion I've ever come across would have to be 'It is energy in motion (aka 'e-motion') that can be felt'. We can also feel a serious lack of energy in motion. Sometimes it can be a deeply depressing lack. Whether that energy is labelled a chemical energy (in the form of dopamine, serotonin, endorphins etc), or it's labelled as natural energy (joy, excitement, happiness etc), it's a fair question to ask 'Why can't I feel it?'. I've found there can be a variety of reasons for feeling a lack of certain energies in motion that are responsible for giving us a greater sense of connection to life. Just a handful of the many reasons
- Complete exhaustion. Can be impossible to feel through next to no energy
- A lack of energy input
- Being surrounded by people who aren't great at bringing out the best in us, facets of us that are going to lead us to some sense of stimulation or excitement
- Vitamin or mineral deficiencies that can be seriously energy zapping and depressing
- Beliefs and inner dialogue that can relate to low end emotions (aka 'a form of torture at times')
- Certain conditions that can make it difficult to feel on a variety of levels (such as with some forms of ADHD or with being on the autism spectrum)
- Serious sleep related issues that can interfere with energy restoration
- A lack of self understanding, a lack of certain skills, a lack of certain practices etc when it comes to how we tick energetically
With the list seeming endless, I suppose we could say (when we're feeling what 'numb' feels like), 'I'm not broken, there's actually a really good reason for why I'm feeling myself and life the way I am. I just don't know what the reason is yet'. Occasionally I'll think 'I wish someone would show up at my front door and tell me 'This is the reason as to why you're feeling the way you are...'' and then I could say 'It all makes complete sense now'. Unfortunately, it can take so much investigation when no one's going to show up and give us the answers. I've found it pays to seriously wonder, for a sense of wonder feels so much better than a sense of hopelessness. Has anyone ever led you to wonder why you feel in the ways you do?
