Hi WK, thanks for reply, it was very caring and I appreciate it. Unfortunately it seems no matter what I do, I can't get him out of my mind. I could not imagine going through three 7 year relationship break ups, you must be very strong.
I will try, I'm in a constant state of anxiety though, and whatever I do, my mind keeps having intrusive thoughts of him and I can't stop the feelings of despair and fear coursing through my body which makes it doubly hard to concentrate on whatever I'm doing.
I can't say that I will be feeling better in 3 months, or nearly over it in 6 months, least of dating in 9+ months, it honestly seems like I will always feel this way, and that's what I am afraid of , that I will never get over him or stop loving him. I want very badly to believe this is temporary, I want to stop grieving and missing him, to be able to have another relationship, it just feels hopeless.
I do consider my family, I am sorry for the loss you have experienced. I only want what is best for my daughter, it makes sense to me that she would be better off without me, and also the rest of my family. I have BPD, I don't want to inflict myself upon anyone anymore. I can't see a future without more pain.
I know only I can save myself, I'm just not strong enough. I'm not even a shadow of a person. I don't have anything I'm interested in, I don't know who I am at all, I feel too old and tired to keep going. I want to get better, I really do, it all feels impossible though. I am pathetic. Knocking back all suggestions with pessimism, I'm sorry for being so negative. I don't think I can get through this. I feel completely destroyed.
Thank you for the links, I did read them. I just feel hopeless. I want to feel better but it seems like I never will. I'm sorry.
