Hi Clarkie2000
I truly feel for you, with you going through such an overwhelmingly challenging time in your life. I'm so glad you came here to a place where people can relate to what it feels like to be living with depression. While each person's experience with depression is unique, there are definitely some relatable factors.
It's tough, to say the least, when you want to leave but feel like you can't go. I've found it to the the 'I just can't keep living like this' factor. How to successfully live with depression or even raise yourself out of it is skillful on both parts. For a start, I've found it can take a massive amount of detective work when it comes to finding clues or answers to some or all of the following questions
- Why do I feel the way I do? What are all the contributing factors, not just the obvious ones?
- Who exactly do I need to guide me through this (the best and most effective guide/s) who can help shed some light
- How can I gain a better sense of direction while feeling so unbelievably lost?
Just a few of the many questions that can come with depression.
If I'd have listened to the advice given to me when I was much younger, I don't think I would have come to see depression the way I do now. The advice was 'You are someone who's most likely prone to depression and will possibly experience it in some form for the rest of your life'. Have to say that was one of the most depressing things anyone's ever said to me. On the other hand I've learned I can simply feel what's depressing. It's a horrible ability (putting it mildly) but an ability nonetheless. Might sound a bit silly but it's a part of my 'compass' which points to 'things going south'. Based on past experience, I know I have the ability to feel the depressing nature of a serious b12 deficiency, sleep apnea, miscarriage, marriage breakdown, depressing belief systems, inner dialogue and not enough energy input which to feel life with. I have the ability to feel when I'm dealing with a depressing lost sense of self (a strange and heartbreaking sense of grief), lack of direction and vision, lack of guidance, lack of life skills. The list goes on. I can feel on a physical level (chemical deficiency like with b12, dopamine etc), a mental level (depressing belief systems) and a soulful level (a lost soulful sense of self). What all have in common involve the seriously low and depressing energy levels. How to do life when you can't feel life running through you? The seriously low energy levels that come with depression can be amongst the top challenges, for sure.
While I've employed some brilliant 'detectives' in the past, who have helped me make perfect sense of what I'm feeling, I've also employed some absolute shockers who've left me to figure things out for myself (some GPs included). Do you have anyone in your life to help you get to the bottom of things, helping you work out exactly what it is you're feeling? Could involve a collection of factors. Anyone to help you find your 'true north'?
