Hi tete
I feel so deeply for you as you face the absolute brutal nature of depression. At it's worst depression is soul destroying, leaving one with far more questions than answers. Of course those typical questions become 'What's the point? Why do I have to suffer so much? Why can't anyone help me? Why can't I find the difference I need? Why does everyone else seem able to do life far more easily than me? What's wrong with me?' and the list goes on and on and on.
I've found, on the quest toward greater self understanding and a greater understanding of life, depression is the darkest part of the quest. I'm a gal who's fortunate to be able to move in and out of depression. I say 'fortunate' based on my long term experience with depression in the past which lasted for a straight 15 years or so. I found the breaks are what makes the depressions easier to deal with. Endurance and distance are the most taxing factors. The longer you go the more convincing it is that the path ahead will hold more of the same, with no light in sight. Long term depression truly wears a person down, that's for sure.
I refer to a 'quest' for on any significant quest there are a poop load of questions, such as all the ones I mentioned earlier. From the perspective of depression, such questions are typical. From a philosophical perspective, they are perfectly fair and highly logical questions. What is the point to life? What purpose does my sufferance hold? Why do so many around me lack the ability to raise me? What are they lacking which would make all the difference to me? Why do I experience great dis-ease the way I do, when others don't experience it the same way? What is it that's not right? What is missing?
I believe if you were to bring a group of depressed people together, you would be developing a group of philosophers who are prepared to ask the deeper questions, like no other. Together many answers would be pondered upon. A single philosopher alone, in search of answers, is prone to incredible sufferance.
