Self H@rm

Moo_5

I’ve been properly clean from self harm for like 2 years now, but things have just been building up again and all I can think about is reverting back to it. I have so much going on in my life and I’d just feel better not burdening anyone anymore

tardigrade11

Hey I hope you're doing okay. I've been clean for 90 days now and I think It's genuinely amazing that you've been clean for 2 years, but I get that each day can feel harder and harder when things start to build up. You're not a burden for struggling and if you want to talk about what's going on I'm happy to chat 🙂

Moo_5

I just feel like now that I’m older that feeling like that isn’t ok. Idk how to describe it like “I should have grown out of it” kinda thing. I know that sounds awful.

tardigrade11

Yeah I get that I'm 19 and I feel ashamed when those feelings come up like its something I should have just been able to stop by now if you get what I mean. If you want my unsolicited advice I try to remind myself that it isn't shameful to struggle with stuff even if that's what my brain tells me and if it was someone else, I would be worried and I wouldn't think 'you are too old for that'. Also sorry if you've heard this a thousand times but ice cubes can be really helpful 🙂 How are you doing at the moment?

Moo_5

That’s so true! It’s frustrating cause I know if anyone else my age and going through this I’d tell them it’s ok and not shameful but I just can’t apply that for myself.
I’m feeling ok today, I find that like ice water bowls for my face are really helpful at resetting me.

tardigrade11

Yesss same! Oml I had the most diabolical day at uni and I might need one ngl. I don't know about you but the feeling of being like judged by people just really sets off like those urges and stuff. But like its a spiral because those thoughts feel so isolating yk?

Moo_5

Ugh uni is so triggering. What are you studying? I’m studying social work so just learning about trauma whilst I’m in the midst of an existential crisis is just so much fun.
Uni feels like high school all over again sometimes like we are all adults but I’m still getting judgy eyes wtf.

tardigrade11

I'm doing engineering it's roughh. Yeah its literally like high school in that way. Damn yeah that would be rough to study when you're not doing well. I'm so tired haha. If you don't mind me asking is sh like something you've dealt with for a while cause this has been such a long term thing for me.

Moo_5

Ugh yes!
I’m 21 now and I think it’s been a thing for me since I was like 15.
It’s like really weird I don’t really remember why I stopped in the first place which is crazy because I feel like I would remember.
I was in a lot of toxic relationships which put me in positions where I felt like Sh so that was really hard.