Pressures from friendships, family and school are making me feel so alone.

[hellohi]

Hi,

I feel very alone and I feel nobody wants to hear me. I try to talk to my parents as much as I can about everything stupid to important, but they don’t understand or respect my opinion. They always taunt me and they are never satisfied with whatever I do. I can't talk to them about how I feel. They would never show me their affection, they never hug me, or give me a proper response for my special moments or properly spend time with me. They avoid me. I don't have a strong relationship with anyone.

I know I am very overweight and extremely ugly, I have to put up with it myself every day of my life. I hate the way I walk, talk and I am dumb in everything I do. So many times I have known the answer or have an idea, but I cannot say it out loud in class. I am fine with sharing things with my friends and sometimes other students in my class, but even with them I feel ignored and alone, as I cannot keep up with things going on in their lives, they all have social media and I don’t and they go all travelling and I have never been out the house except to go to school. Or they simply don’t want to talk to me because of my ugly looks and lack of popularity. There are students in my class who everyone respects because they are good-looking not caring how rude they can be, everyone tells me being beautiful in the inside is more important, but no one cares about being kind. I feel so out of place.

I try my hardest to look skinny, I wear clothes that I think will help me do that, I try to keep my things clean and tidy and I try to be nice as much as I can. Nothing works, I always feel the same; alone and stupid. I don’t want any of my friends and family to know about how I feel. But with my parents, my younger brother and my friends ignoring me and making me feel alone, make me think about suicide and I can't sleep during the night or wake up early in the morning.

I don’t feel loved, happy or accepted in the people I am surrounded with.

I feel weak, alone, misunderstood, ugly, sad, confused and a burden on everyone. I feel confused as I got no idea where I want to work. I feel stupid and sad because my grandma has breast cancer and I haven’t seen her, all I have done is make her miserable, I want to talk to her which I can’t do it through a phone call, because at that moment I don’t want to say and I don't know if she wants to talk to me.

Maybe I am overreacting because so many other people go through worse things than me, but this is how I feel

[Sophie_M]

Welcome to the forums, hello, hi

We understand how difficult it can be to reach out for support, but we are so glad that you've done so here today. It sounds like these thoughts and feelings have been so overwhelming for you, both at home and at school, we are sorry that you’re in such a tough space right now. But please know that you’re not alone in this and that our community is here to work through this difficult time with you.
 
As you’ve mentioned that you’ve been struggling with suicidal thoughts, we are currently contacting you through email with support.

We hope that you continue to check back in with our community and let us know how you're going when you feel up to it. 

[white knight]

Hi hello hi

I too feel like reaching out. Please let me do this.

Accepting yourself for who you are is very important but in s school environment or among friends your age that isn’t always possible because you are among immature people. Once you have left school that behaviour almost vanished among adults. Those adults that still taunt you then you can eliminate them from your life.

It is a shame your parents don’t show affection. I still hug my 31yo daughter! But we are all different. Perhaps mentally drift away from them eg give them space, and they might miss you somewhat. When you see them tell them “I love you”. Giving love often results to receiving it.

google

beyondblue topic the good samaritan

beyondblue topic the frog and the scorpion

that last one is about your nature, please try to learn that you are unique and beautiful no matter what others think. Humans can be very cruel so remember you are living in a harsh world.

Find your place in the world be thinking about what career you’d like. My wife and I live animals so that is the career we could have chosen if younger but I was a dog ranger once. Animals won’t hurt you emotionally, they will live you unconditionally

google

beyondblue topic bullies

beyondblue topic so what are their mental illnesses.

Have a read if those, just the first post.

So glad you wrote in, reply anytime and we’ll work through this

TonyWK

[Aaronsis]

Hello hello, hi

It is so great that you have been able to express here how you are feeling and how your feelings about your family, school and life in general is impacting you. It is a really hard time being a young person, I cannot echo loud enough what Tony WK has said with regards to the maturity level of your current peers, it seems to me like kids at school are climbing so fiercely up a pole, climbing over the tops of others, grabbing, clutching, so desperate to get to the top of the pole, for once you reach the top no one picks on you or is mean to you....that while they are being mean or rude to you it takes the focus off them for one moment and ensures them some peace from being attacked...it is so sad but I remember from my time at school I was one of those girls...and it is a horrible pain that I have to live with but..I can tell you that the people I picked on actually had nothing to do with them, or who they were or what they looked like, it was about my feeling the need for attention and to feel power and to get this at someone else's expense...and as I mentioned before ..to take the opportunity away for anyone to be mean to me.

You be true to you, you be kind, you be authentically who you are, this in life will get you so far, being pretty or thin or tanned or whatever is superficial and as you move into adulthood only then is this knowledge known...unfortunately.

Your feelings are your feelings and you are not overreacting, if you are feeling bad, you are just as valid as any other person to reach out and receive support. You matter and you are so very much needed here, see i have learnt only recently and I have learnt it here on the forums that people who struggle with suicide and thoughts of taking their lives can go on to live happy and successful lives, that with help and support there is a brighter tomorrow and things do improve. I am wondering how you would feel about chatting to one of the amazing people at Kids Helpline 1800 55 1800, they are so wonderful to chat to and can give you some great support tips too.

I am sorry you are not getting the love and support you need from your family, I know it is no consolation but we are here for you to get through this time and to see how wonderful you are.

I hear what you are saying about your grandma, can you perhaps write her a card and express your love for her? I am sure she would love to receive a card from you.

Hope to chat to you some more hello, hi

Huge hugs to you

Sarah xxx

[hellohi]

How do I accept myself, if myself isn't good enough?

It's really hard when you see people in your class following the people who brag and can be rude at times, getting all that respect from other students and teachers.

If you saw me in person, you would call me ugly too.

But your reply made me feel that there are people that will listen to me and give me advice. Thanks White Knight

[hellohi]

Before BeyondBlue, I did try kids helpline but I didn't really feel it helped me.

My grandmother lives in a different country and I don't want to ask my parents for her address and money to post the letter. Because my mum doesn't have a strong relationship with her and she would get mad at me.

I wanted to thank you because you made feel that there are other people that may not be blood-related or know you super-well that can provide support and kindness more than the people that are blood-related or know you very well.

I really appreciate you for that. 🙂

[Aaronsis]

Great to hear from you Hello, hi

I understand about your grandma and being able to send her a card is tricky, what about if you still could write her that letter and let her know how you feel, although you are not able to post it you will have gotten those feelings out and who knows, one day you just might be able to get it to her, non the less you have shared your feelings, even if it is just with some paper. I have found writing to be the most powerful healer. When I was full of grief I wrote, I purged it all out onto some paper and let it all out, some was mean and horrible and raw and honest and I just wrote and wrote, some made no sense but it was for on one to read, just for me, and to this day I haven't re read it. But it feels wonderful to have it out.

You have felt the magic of this forum hello, hi, the beauty in humanity and that there are people who care, who want to know you, who want to help, who know you are going through a rough time and want to sit with you, even though not physically but we are all here together, to put a virtual arm around another and say "I hear you and I am here with you".

I just wanted to say something about what you mentioned to Tony WK, that if "you saw me in person you would call me ugly too"..I have only learnt this of late...however I have found it to be very true...WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK OF YOU IS NOT YOUR CONCERN. That is hard to get your head around at first, it is alot to digest, but if we worried all the time about what others thought, felt or how they saw us we would not be living our true lives, we would be consumed with the opinions of others, and how do we even know they right, why are we right...there is just a whole lot of worry worry worry there that does not concern you. Now, in saying that I know it is human nature to compare, to measure our successes and failures against what others are doing. However, if you are doing what your heart says, that you are being a kind and loving person, that you are considerate and you give to others I think this is the making of a divine human.

Can you tell me if the most "attractive people are the most valuable in this life"? I would suggest that they are not. Infact beauty can make some people very mean..as you well know.

I am not here to lecture you so sorry if I am coming across all lecture like, I just want you to know you are beautiful, you are beautiful, you are beautiful. School is a moment in time. You will grow into an amazing adult.

Hugs

Sarah

[hellohi]

I think I am going to write down my thoughts, it's better than crying in my room alone.

And your reply was not at all a lecture.

Maybe I won't be able to change my looks, so I should try to make myself a kinder person, so I won't have two things I hate about myself.

You have made me feel a bit lighter. Thanks, Ms Sarah.

Hugs 🙂

[Aaronsis]

Hey hello, hi

I am so happy to hear that you got what I was trying to say and didn't feel like a lecture as that is not my intention.

I think writing is so wonderful and I hope you get the same feeling of release, lightness and like your worries are gone after a really good purge on the paper...as I mentioned, I was so raw and did blame and said horrible things that I would never be able to do in real life, it was so liberating and felt wonderful.

I am sorry to hear that you are crying in your room, while crying is pretty good, for a short time, to get the pain and sadness out, I just hope you can get it out and feel the pain leave and then do something that makes you feel good. It is ok to get it out but just not to live in that space of pain and sadness for too long.

I am so happy to hear that you do feel lighter from being here, sharing and talking and getting out the thoughts but also getting some hope and some comfort and just to know that there are people who care.

I dont think you have to try much harder to be a kind person, the fact you want to write to your grandma, the care and love you have for her is what I am hearing is coming from a wonderfully caring person.

Hugs

Sarah xx

[white knight]

Hi again,

oh wow, my friend Aaronsis was spot on about everything.

As a guy, I have certain views of what attractiveness is. Most women think slim girls are more attractive. I’ve lived with slim girls as partners and now I live with my second wife that is obese like me. It’s teally amusing that she can make her own jewellery and put on a top and is amazingly attractive. Her love of animals is amazing. When a baby seal is abandoned by its mother in Antartica she burst into tears- how beautiful is that?

I noticed with us tonight that you were thankful and showed you have empathy, that is wonderful. I wished I could show you what beauty is!

Famous actor and comedian on Kath and Kim- Magda Subanski is obese yet she overshadows her appearance with an amazing attitude, she discounts the homophobes (she is gay) and embraces kindness. I’d much rather her as a friend than many of the people I’ve met in my life.

Thankyou for listening

TonyWK