Pressures from friendships, family and school are making me feel so alone.

[hellohi]

Hi,

I feel very alone and I feel nobody wants to hear me. I try to talk to my parents as much as I can about everything stupid to important, but they don’t understand or respect my opinion. They always taunt me and they are never satisfied with whatever I do. I can't talk to them about how I feel. They would never show me their affection, they never hug me, or give me a proper response for my special moments or properly spend time with me. They avoid me. I don't have a strong relationship with anyone.

I know I am very overweight and extremely ugly, I have to put up with it myself every day of my life. I hate the way I walk, talk and I am dumb in everything I do. So many times I have known the answer or have an idea, but I cannot say it out loud in class. I am fine with sharing things with my friends and sometimes other students in my class, but even with them I feel ignored and alone, as I cannot keep up with things going on in their lives, they all have social media and I don’t and they go all travelling and I have never been out the house except to go to school. Or they simply don’t want to talk to me because of my ugly looks and lack of popularity. There are students in my class who everyone respects because they are good-looking not caring how rude they can be, everyone tells me being beautiful in the inside is more important, but no one cares about being kind. I feel so out of place.

I try my hardest to look skinny, I wear clothes that I think will help me do that, I try to keep my things clean and tidy and I try to be nice as much as I can. Nothing works, I always feel the same; alone and stupid. I don’t want any of my friends and family to know about how I feel. But with my parents, my younger brother and my friends ignoring me and making me feel alone, make me think about suicide and I can't sleep during the night or wake up early in the morning.

I don’t feel loved, happy or accepted in the people I am surrounded with.

I feel weak, alone, misunderstood, ugly, sad, confused and a burden on everyone. I feel confused as I got no idea where I want to work. I feel stupid and sad because my grandma has breast cancer and I haven’t seen her, all I have done is make her miserable, I want to talk to her which I can’t do it through a phone call, because at that moment I don’t want to say and I don't know if she wants to talk to me.

Maybe I am overreacting because so many other people go through worse things than me, but this is how I feel

[hellohi]

Hi Sleepy21,

I don't like my school counsellor, I can't talk to her about anything. When I leave the room, I leave feeling worse.

You are right about Romeo and Juliet - the storyline is really good, but the theme is triggering. It is just hard to get it out of my mind.

It sounds really hard and especially with your lecturer saying that.

You are right a lot of teachers don't get it.

There are other counsellors, but I don't know how to ask for another one without offending the current counsellor. I have given up with this, I think it's just 4 more weeks and then no more. Then I am not talking to a school counsellor next year.

Thank you Sleepy21, for your kindness and support 🙂

How are you?

I hope you are doing well,

Neerja

[eight]

mate, the counsellor's job is being paid in money (and time and energy metaphorically) to listen and advise people. people who don't do their jobs and aren't a good use of money/time/energy get cut loose. if it sounds harsh to you its bc they're supposed to work for you they're not your friend. only feelings that should be considered in those relationships are clients'

[Guest_1643]

Hi Neerja, how are you?
Will they finish studying Romeo and Juliet soon? I'm really sorry it is on your curriculum.
I agree with you the themes are really interesting, and the war between the Montagues and the Capulets is interesting given how much friction there is today between differing sides... I hope it's okay and they wrap it up soon and focus on something else.
I personally have had an experience very similar to you where I had to on two occasions walk away from bad counsellors and really offend them. There was no one else they could offer me so I went without counselling at the time, which was sad, but I truly found the counsellor damaging. My personal way to address it was to actually praise the counsellor a lot and say she'd be awesome for someone else, but her advice was wrong for me. I know it's hard but I agree that their feelings don't matter. They are adults earning a wage in a job. You are the most important. But I know that's very hard and it's horrible to have to tell someone such a thing to their face.

I'm doing well thanks for asking, i went to the hopsital recently for mental health support and it was weird during covid times. But it was good for me to get a break.

How are u doing back at school? I'm sorry you can't text or use social media freely because or ur parents supervision, but i'm happy you can use here. It's good to have one or two ways to be connected.

Hope ur doing well

[hellohi]

Hi eight,

You are right, I was expecting too much from the school counsellor.

I agree with you.

Thanks eight

[hellohi]

Hi Sleepy21,

I think we are finishing studying Romeo and Juliet in 2 more lessons, so after Wednesday. I agree the conflict between the Montagues and the Capulets is interesting because we don't even know what caused this and led to it be so long-lasting. But, I hope they wrap it up soon too because whenever I go to the English class it feels weird.

It is really hard to tell her that and I know when I do, she is going to call my parents. But at least it is only 3 more sessions. In the school after year 9, I am not going to talk to a school counsellor, I give up with that.

It is really weird going to the hospital during these times.

I am really glad that it has been really good to get a break.

It is hard to wake up to go to school because I really don't like school. I have exams coming in 2 weeks and 3 tests this week, it's really hard to concentrate and I always find myself staring at a wall and then realising what the time is, I don't even know what I think about.

How are you?

I hope you are doing well.

Warm wishes,

Neerja