Partner acting out of character. Paranoid and Manic.

El2912 · ‎14-10-2020

I've recently been experiencing relationship stress and I'm beginning to feel isolated and deflated. My partner and I have been together for over five years and we never experienced any significant issues before now. A few months ago, he injured himself at work and is now experiencing nerve pain in his back. As a result, he has ceased work and is going through a tiresome workers comp process which has presented with a lot of stressors in itself. On top of this, he has been on a range of medications including heavy pain meds, nerve pain medication, specific prescription anti-inflammatory meds etc, plus being in pain constantly with and the boredom from no longer being able to work (he previously enjoyed work). In addition, his sleep has been disrupted, often going all night without sleeping and then catching up on rest during the day. I can only imagine this may be a situation where things will eventually start to unravel. I've recently noticed a decline in his mental health, where he becomes almost paranoid, obsessive, cynical and I often cop the brunt of this. I've noticed his facial expressions in these moments change, and he can be quite intimidating and almost coming across as aggressive, whether he intends for this to happen or not. He often wakes me at around 2am to essentially blast me about things that would normally be perceived as menial, and he has linked all of these thoughts together to come to a conclusion that is not at all based on reality. Keeps telling me that I'm hiding something, that something isn't right - yet when I dispute this and question why he doesn't appear to trust me all of sudden, he then claims he never said that, and I'm making out that he is crazy. I have a high pressure job and we have the commitment of just purchasing a new home a few months ago. I'm getting warn out and family/friends dont appear to realise the severity of the situation as they dont see the extent of his behaviour. Sometimes I have thoughts about not existing, or what extreme measures I can go to within myself just to get some relief, as I'm truly feeling deflated and periods of depression I experience because of these pressures are intense. I cry almost every day and I honestly can't keep up with the yo-yo rollercoaster of my partner being loving an apologetic one minute, and seemingly manic and paranoid the next. Could his medication have put him into some intermittent manic psychosis? Or can stress trigger these sort of things? I need some insight!

james1 · ‎15-10-2020

Hello El2912,

I am sorry to hear you are feeling really isolated and deflated due to your relationship stress. From what you've written, it sounds like you've living a really exhausting and confusing life, and you've not been able to get much help from those close to you both since they don't experience the day to day life with your partner.

It sounds like you've not really been able to talk to him about this because of how he's been acting. Have you ever been in any of the appointments with his prescribing doctor, and been able to ask about whether it could have any side effects that have led to this change in behaviour?

James

Croix · ‎16-10-2020

Dear El2912~

I'd like to join James in welcoming you here.

HYour husband has a great deal gong on in his life right now, with stress over future employment, pain, medications a change in lifestyle and more.

Acting in a manner that direly causes you stress, particularly as it is not typical of how he was before, could be a combination of one or more of these factors, including the medication.

Like James may I suggest you go have a long talk with whoever is responsible for his medical team, perhaps though not always, his GP. Although you may not be able to ask about things there is nothing to stop you saying in details what is happening

To this end I'd keep a diary so you have concrete instances to show. This may have unexpected benefits, such as it being a set period after taking a medication or some other pattern.

I would also suggest that you need support yourself right now.

Trying to live on the shifting grounds of such behavior, crying, thinking of extreme methods of relief, which I suspect means you are thinking of ending your life, and having these periods of depression are all very much danger signals you have reached the end of your theater.

It is easy to assume you can always care for a loved one, but there are limits and you have reached yours. Such serious problems as your partner has need a team, not just one person..

Apart from personal medical support do you have anyone, family or friend, you can lean on right now>? It can make a big difference. When I became extremely ill my wife had her mum to help, both practically and emotionally, and that was a blessing.

You know you are welcome here anytime

Croix

El2912 · ‎25-01-2021

Thank you for your responses. Since I last posted, I went to his Dr alongside one of his siblings as his behaviour escalated even more. After an assessment in our home, it was determined he was in a psychosis from medication and lack of sleep for a substantial time. Since that time, things have improved after being dealt with, but there are still periods where he will have insecure moments and lash out at me. I feel out of the loop as to why, as nobody actually spoke with me about what I can expect after a psychosis in terms of lasting symptoms, how long they should take to dissipate and what I can do to support him. I sometimes feel like I'm living with two different people and I never know which one I'll get. Things have improved a lot, but the bad moments are so draining even though they're more sporadic now. I have the urge to self harm during those times, as it somehow brings me relief and I don't know why. I feel alone, as he does not want me to discuss his matters with anyone out of embarrassment of what happened, so I feel very isolated and lonely. I don't know who to seek advice from about his mood swings, and he's recently started drinking a lot which doesn't help. I feel like he wants me to be really open about my circumstances and feeling, which is normal, but won't tell me when things change for him such as running out of meds which can lead to a slump in his mood, etc. I feel such a responsibility with little control and support.

Sophie_M · ‎25-01-2021

Hi El2912,

We're so sorry to hear that it's so difficult at home at the moment. We can hear how much this is affecting you, and how drained and isolated this has left you feeling. We would urge that you do open up to a trusted loved one about the extent of what is happening at home. It sounds like you really need some support. It's so important to make sure that you're looking after yourself.

It's concerning to hear that your partner is lashing out at you when feeling insecure. It might be worth checking in with 1800RESPECT. They offer 24/7 confidential information, counselling and support for people impacted by sexual assault, domestic or family violence and abuse. The lovely supportive counsellors have a lot of experience offering advice and support to . You can contact them on 1800 737 732 or visit https://www.1800respect.org.au/

We're so sorry to hear that you've been struggling with urges to self harm. You might find it useful to take a look at our page "Self harm and self injury" - https://www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/suicide-prevention/feeling-suicidal/self-harm-and-self-injur...
We would also strongly urge that in overwhelming moments you get in touch with our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467).

Thank you so much for reaching out here and sharing with the community what is going on for you.