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Not special
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It's a pretty common story, nothing special about me and everyone I have ever come in contact with feels the same way. Childhood wasn't great but certainly could have been worse but I've never had a kind or encouraging word from anyone my whole life so wouldn't have a clue what a compliment feels like. Blah so dramatic yuck!! I'm 43 now and cannot stand myself physically or mentally and the worse thing is that I know I don't have it as bad as some so suck it up princess, right, but it's not that simple, it would be better for people in my world if I 'went away' certainly would be better for me but there are some people who would be 'disadvantaged' so I stick around, you know. This sucks, I wish just one person could look me in the eye and tell I was worth something, wasn't ugly wasn't fat, had intelligence....you know as part of my work I give guidance and encouragement to others and I see the smiles on their faces, I know how important is especially when you've never had it
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There is nothing I want more in this moment than to look you in the eye - You are beautiful. You never have to be skinny, and you are a frickin genius with a worth that is unfathomable.
I truly speak from the heart and also from sad experience at my mum taking her life this year and her letters to us saying identical things to the things you just stated.
There was a giant room full of people who would give anything to have the option to give their praise.
There is not a shadow of doubt in my mind that there would be a line of your friends, colleagues, those you have guided, and of course family, who would be happy to tell you what you need to hear, and mean it...please give them and yourself the opportunity to connect and share that love.
You matter, you are loved, and the world is a better place because you are in it.
Speak to someone about your doubts and let them help you, its okay to crumble no matter what life you have had - you dont need a reason to not be okay, and its not a competition to qualify for compassion and help. Life is flipping hard, fighting through it is exhausting and we appreciate those that crumble because they understand us when we inevitably crumble too.