Nobody really cares!

[Guest_1573]

Hi

I have posted before about my severe anxiety. Lately it has spiralled out of control (forced lockdown in SA) plus the health symptoms I suffer from constantly.

I have been to so many doctors and a psychologist. I try to explain it to my family and the few friends I have. Nobody cares. I am deemed a hypochondriac, a drama queen, too sensitive etc etc. I am the person who would give my last dollar to someone in need. I rescue stray animals and help people whenever I can. Everyone seems to take me for granted.

I am totally over this life. The covid shite that keeps us on eggshells constantly. Looking after my teenage son with zero care from his useless father. Looking after my aged mother whilst suffering pain and exhaustion daily. Everyone comes to me with their dramas yet when it is me they all disappear. My friend managed to secure a holiday at her other friends' place when this lockdown was announced. As she is quite happy and having a nice time with company she is off the radar. Yet she often texts me with her dramas and I am always there for her! As I am for everyone!

How can I live in this crap place when I get no respect or care from anyone?? I am falling apart mentally and physically and I am not going back to the doctor as I go every week and get palmed off. I don't give a shite if I get covid. I am sick to death of the f'n thing!! I feel there is absolutely nothing to look forward to. I have no partner. My last one was bad news. He contacted me for my birthday and came over for drinks. Big mistake. I get so lonely I will scrape the barrel! He has now blocked me?! I am besides myself as it appears every single damn decision I make is the wrong one!

I get more support here than from anyone I actually know. It is a bloody sad and miserable life.

Thanks for reading. I hope someone can give me a reason to go on.

[Sophie_M]

Hey Panicmerchant,

We know how tough it can be to post when you're feeling so low, and we are really grateful that you chose to reach out and share your thoughts and feelings here with our wonderful community. We can hear how frustrated and overwhelmed that you're feeling, but please know that you've come to a safe, non-judgemental space and our community is here to support you through this difficult time. You sound like an incredibly caring person to be looking after those close to you, and please know that you deserve the same support in return, and it is always here for you.

We think it would really help to be able to talk these feelings through with the kind and understanding counsellors at our Beyond Blue Support Service, who are here for you anytime, day or night, on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat (1pm-12am AEST) at: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport. Our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) and Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467) are also there for you 24/7 whenever things are feeling overwhelming, or feeling like too much to cope with. You never have to go through this alone, and we'd urge you to reach out, as often as you need when you need some extra support.

We're all here to help you through this Panicmerchant, and we hope that you can find some comfort in the words of kindness and support from our community.
 

[Guest_1573]

I really appreciate your response. I guess I am at my wits end as I have called the helpline before and lifeline. The people I spoke to were very kind and supportive but have their limits. I guess I just have to brave it up and deal alone. This site is good but often one posts and other than getting a sympathetic response from dear people such as yourself nothing else happens.

I hate this so called life. I am nothing more than a doormat for my son. His father hates me and has nothing to do with our son. He has remarried and took all of our friends with him. Everyone is sick of me. I am sick of me. If it weren't for my son and my dog I would not bother. I would be done with it. Knowing my 'luck' it wouldn't work. I am bored to death with my useless life. Get up early to sort son out to go to school...clean the house...take doggy out (that is the only joy in my life). Get home and son wants to know what there is to eat. He is enormous and in dire need of a diet. I try everything for him and he does not take it on board. Just complains endlessly. He is an IVF baby. I went through absolute hell to bring him into this goddamn horrible world. I wonder why I bothered.

[Sophie_M]

Hey Panicmerchant,

We can hear how difficult your journey has been for you, and we're so sorry to hear how much pain you are in right now. We're glad to hear that you've reached out to helplines such as Lifeline in the past, and we really think that it would be worth calling again. It can be really grounding to be able to talk through these thoughts and feelings, and sometimes different counsellors may be able to offer different kinds of advice and support to really help you through this. Please know that there's always somewhere to turn to, and someone to talk to when things are feeling as dark as they are at the moment. We want you to know that you're a valuable member of our forums, and we're here to provide you with as much support, advice and conversation as you need. We're also currently reaching out to you via email as we are worried about you. 

We really hope that you do consider giving these services another try, but if you feel unable to keep safe, it's really important that you contact 000 straightaway.

Please do feel free to keep us updated here on your thread with what you are feeling and experiencing whenever you feel up to it- you're never alone here.




 

[smallwolf]

hi.

I get what you mean referring to your teenage son. My son and daughter are similar - crying out for food or similar when they could easily do it themselves. Just wondering when this phase will end. And if you are doing everything that you first post suggests, I can imagine that you would be frustrated and exhausted and looking for a break.

Tell me about your dog? You mentioned liking to take the dog out. I assume going for walks. Is that an alone time when you can free without many cares or problems to deal with?

Also, do you journal? I found out that keeping my thoughts and feelings inside was not helpful for me. I had been doing that for too long (30+ years).

I am also wondering that if your problems disappeared one night while you were asleep, what would the next day look like? What changes would you notice? What changes would others see in you?

Hoping you had an OK day.

Tim

[Guest_1573]

Thanks Tim

My dog is a rescue dog . She is very sweet and I love her so much. I take her to a special beach where the dogs can run around free and she loves it. I am so glad I have her.

I guess if I woke up and my problems were gone I would be ecstatic!! I am going to step back from doing so much for my son. It is high time he took some accountability for himself.

Thank goodness our lockdown has ended so I can go to the beach today. I would live down there if I could; I am actually happy when I am there.

Take care and thanks for responding to my post. PS I have thought about beginning a journal; perhaps today is the day to start!