need advice with mental health

Guest_66110219

i stopped taking medication recently as all it did was numb my emotions (ie, i still felt suicidal but not much else) and because of it i am back to being irritable all the time. Personally i dont mind, but every time i try to reach out to someone for help, they get mad and tell me its my fault for choosing to stop the meds (in order to try something new btw). i feel like i have no one irl, they either think im making all this up for attention, ignore me completely, or start arguing. my mother cancelled my psychology session this week so i can’t talk to her either. i want to die every single day, but i can never be bothered to go through with it so it seems silly to contact a crisis hotline- there are people who need it more than me. i have exams this week and i genuinely could not care less about them, but everyone around me is pressuring me to study and care, i just can’t find myself caring about something so trivial, especially since no matter how hard i try i can’t see myself making it past 20. ive had to quit 2 jobs now because of mental health, and im honestly sick of everything. people only care about me when it suits them, and i dunno i just dont have anyone left to contact aside from this.

i’ve felt suicidal for 6 years straight now, and i’m frankly sick of it. no one takes me seriously because if i dont mask they all complain about how miserable i am. i just dont know what to do, im really out of options

i have no idea if this is even what the forums are for i just genuinely dont know what else to do

sorry for the bother 😓

white knight

Hi, welcome

Yes, this is what the forum does, you came to the right place.

People with mental illness often swing towards family members to seek support and understanding as you have. The problem is, that if we had a broken leg we wouldnt seek their help because they couldnt do anything about the leg. Meaning most people dont have the understanding of mental health issues, issues that are invisible, so they cant help us. So all we are doing is causing them stress.

That's why we exist and professional medical people that can treat us. Your psychologist is a great asset so I hope those appointments continue.

Suicidal thoughts. I'm so saddened that you've endured this experience. I've been there and my brother and uncle passed that way. I know what you are feeling. So I'd like to paint a picture. Imagine, 5 years from now, you've matured, you see life differently, your world has new friends, you value life and see it for the wonder it is. You dont ever want to return to the thoughts you once had. So how do you get there to where I am now?

Positive thinking but realistic. eg try hard at school, do your best, your best is good enough, but if you reach your maximum then you'll need to acknowledge that pushing yourself further creates big problems. Try to get your parents on board with this.
Immerse yourself into your own free world of maybe music, spiritual peace and logical teachings. Google Youtube Prem Rawat Maharaji Sunset and Prem Rawat Maharaji All is well. And many others of his listen while doing relaxation.
Dont stop trying new medications your psych or GP gives you, eventually you'll get one that works and your life will be happier. I tried 12!!! then got one that fitted.
Learn to love yourself and praise you. https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/the-best-praise-you-ll-ever-get/td-p/134999

Exams- Studying for long hours isnt effective, better to take regular breaks, walk around the block and do 10 minutes at a time.

Reply anytime

TonyWK

smallwolf

hello and welcome to the forums.

I am so sorry you are going through this, and please know you are not a bother at all.

It sounds incredibly exhausting to feel like you have to constantly mask your pain just to keep the peace, only to face judgment or isolation when you try to be honest.

You mentioned something along the lines being not "bad enough" for help. I once said something similar on the forums a long time ago adn someone replied or indicated there is really no level of badness or needing help - you are deserving of support and care. You have been carrying an immense amount of pressure for as long time, and deserve support just as much as anyone else.

I would also add that getting through every day while dealing with exams, pressure from family, and intense burnout is a heavy burden but show an inner strength in you.

You matter, and you shouldn't have to carry all of this on your own. Please reach out to one of these resources today.

Listening.