Its getting harder

[Louise94]

Hi, I'm new at all this I have never reached out always turned to somesort of self harm I am 27 with 2 kids I have suffered really bad for about 18 years now the last 2 years has been so comepletly different gotten so much worsee

but today gave me a scare with the consistent break downs I ended up disappearing for hours. My head switched its getting harder I no longer want to be here the pain is to much now, having all theses thoughts running everywhere. I'm also scared to die quickly..... I told myself go home hug yiur kids tell them I love them...

See how I am feeling after that 24 hours and replan everything.

Sorry a bit of a rant I have absolutely no one to turn to 😞 partner doesn't care about me at all is horrible, friends all disappeared and I dont get emotional or mental support from family.

here is a little poem, it explains how I feel all the time day in day out 😞 it's all the same. 😞

"It's getting harder to hide
All the feelings I've built up inside.

It's hard to explain Without being considered insane,
So I've kept to myself.

Even the weekends seem to be a chore.
Putting a smile on my face as I walk out the door.

Wanting to run away, But where can I go?
Around people or not, I still feel alone.

I cry all the time now.
I used to think I was strong.
Now it's a struggle just to hold on.

To make it through the day, Without an odd look my way
Or someone asking me if I'm okay.

But maybe it will do me good
To let someone help if they could.
Just one hug is all I need.
Just one person that cares is all I plead.

And then I might get through another day
Of waiting for my pain to fade away

Louise x

[Sophie_M]

Hi Louise94,

We are so sorry to hear you are feeling this way. It takes a lot of courage and strength to reach out for support and we are so glad you have done so. We hope that you can get some support here, the community will be here to listen and chat with you. You can also reach out to Beyond Blue 1300 22 4636 or Lifeline 13 11 14.  We have sent you a private email so that we can support you further.
 
 

[geoff]

Hello Louise, and a warm welcome to the site and appreciate your comment.

If you aren't feeling well in yourself, then it's difficult to go and hug your kids, unlike you were able to when this wasn't happening and they might be concerned as they can sense a mother's, true love, rather than pretending, although you do love them, but when you are like this, a happy face is put on, to pretend nothing is wrong.

Please remember this isn't your fault at all, but when people go hiding their illness, not only when they're with the family but also when they just want to be alone, what happens is they only push their concerns back into a hole which tends to multiply the more they're thinking making the situation worse.

Whatever you fear or are worried about there are people, like this site, plus many other places to contact where they too have experienced similar thoughts themselves and completely understand what you are concerned about and have been able to pull this through with the help and guidance of others.

There are no criticisms because we too have experienced awful periods in our own life, believing no one will listen, we were wrong, once we gained the confidence to align ourselves with somebody, then we could open up our secrets we were trying to hide.

We want to help you and support you in every way we can, so when you are able to, please get back to us.

Take care.

Geoff.

[Mk2692]

Hi Louise94,

Welcome to the forums and thanks for reaching out. I'm sorry to hear that you are going through a hard time. It sounds like you are struggling to find support around you at the moment to help you through what you are going through. I hope you find the forums helpful and hopefully you can make new friends along the way.

It takes a lot of courage to ask for help and it is great that you are aware that you might need the help because things are not going the way you would like. It is not easy to take the first step, so you should be proud of yourself for taking that big step, it's usually the hardest. It will be hard at the start to find your way and pick up yourself through this difficult time. Take your time with healing and don't rush through it, take all the time you need.

I don't know if you see a professional such as a psychologist or a counsellor, as you might find it useful to talk to someone; speak to your GP for a referral if you are interested. A professional counsellor or psychologist can help you through your feelings and provide you with techniques for coping when are going through a tough time.

There are many helpful resources on Beyond Blue website, you might find this link useful as it provides you with information about where you can get help to talk to someone, coping with self-harm and staying well. This is the link: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/suicide-prevention/feeling-suicidal it

I'm sorry to hear that you don't have supportive friends and family around you, but hopefully you find the support you need here. There is a free online chat service here and you can also reach out to Beyond Blue 1300 22 4636 or Lifeline 13 11 14 at anytime of the day.

That poem was very meaningful, it seemed like it came deep from within your heart. It seems like you are a very creative and talented person.

We are here for support and if you ever need a chat.

Take care

[Petal22]

Hi Louise94,

Wellcome to our forums and thank you for reaching out to us.

It sounds like you are in a dark place and I’m really sorry to hear that but the good news is that you can come into the light and turn your life around completely and the way you are feeling.

I understand the break downs I have experienced this also and it’s a very hard place to be…… our minds can take us to unthinking places when everything seems so dark…..

Your children love you and need you in their lives! I’m so glad to hear that you hugged them when you were feeling like you were in such a dark place…. Let them be your anchor your LOVE your reason to keep fighting you CAN get better from this….. you really CAN just don’t give up…..

I understand the feelings when you have so many horrible intrusive thoughts running every where I really do I had the same thing happen to me when I was going through a tuff time in my life.

The intrusive thoughts really scared me and we’re on repeat and felt like they were yelling at me……. With each horrible intrusive thought that I’d have it would turn my anxiety level up to 100 percent it was almost unbearable……….. with higher anxiety came more intense intrusive thoughts and anxiety…….

BUT I have now recovered from all of this after receiving the professional help that I needed……… it’s all gone. ……there is HOPE that with the correct help you can recover aswell life on the other side can be amazing.

Have you ever seeked professional help for what you are going through?

You could start at your gp ……… this is we’re my recovery started at my gp …….. through to a clinical psychologist and a psychiatrist and I did therapy…….

There are people who can help you…… and want to help you…..like the ones who helped me… ❤️

Im here to chat to you about anything, we are a very caring non judgmental supportive community and want to help you…