It’s getting bad again

Fairyg3rll · ‎08-03-2021

Um... not really sure how this whole thing works but I really need to vent right now, not going to say my name for privacy reasons but I’ll tell you that I’m 15 and really struggling right now. The thing is, I was doing okay for a while. November- December last year was one of the worst times of my life. I thought about ending it a lot. Then magically, without anyone knowing, I got better. And although i wasn’t at my best, January and February were okay for the most part. It’s mid March now, and I feel things getting bad again. I don’t know why, it’s just a random wave of depression. I know this is gonna be like how it was last year because this is exactly how it felt, the fatigue, the loss of energy, the uncontrollable crying, the loss in appetite, the feeling of hopelessness, the staring into the void etc. I have an essay tomorrow, and I don’t know how I’m going to be able to write it feeling like this. I can’t do anything, I want to find joy in things again but I can’t. None of my old hobbies interest me anymore. I’m so tired. I just want to get better, but I can’t.

Sophie_M · ‎08-03-2021

Hi Fairyg3ril,

Welcome to our friendly online community. We are so sorry to hear that things are starting to feel bad again at the moment. We're getting in touch with you privately to check in because we are concerned about you.

It sounds like you're feeling really exhausted right now - it must be quite stressful to have an essay tomorrow when you are feeling so low. You might be interested in seeing some of our pages for young people, including on study stress - https://www.beyondblue.org.au/who-does-it-affect/young-people/youth-life-issues

If you feel it may be helpful, you are always welcome to get in touch with Kids Help Line. They are a confidential and anonymous, telephone and online counselling service specifically for young people aged 25 and under. They should be able to give you some advice on how to cope with how you're feeling tonight.

If you are interested, we would also recommend getting in touch with an organisation called Headspace. Headspace is an organisation specifically for young people aged 12-25 and they offer a wide range of services including group programs. They also have a group chat on their webpage. Getting involved with a service like this might help you to prevent becoming as fatigued and depressed in the future as you are feeling at the moment.

Thanks again for reaching out tonight. Hopefully a few of our members will be by to welcome you over the next few days.

Fairyg3rll · ‎08-03-2021

Wow. Can i just say this means alot. No one has ever really done that before. Every time i've tried to bring up my mental health issues to my family they dismiss it or end up saying something that makes me feel worse. Thank you for reaching out to me when i felt no one else could. As for the essay, i'll really give it my all, and hopefully i'll do well. I'll think about checking the hotlines out although i get nervous talking so i'll see how i go. Thanks again 🙂

smallwolf · ‎08-03-2021

hi and welcome to the forums.

sometimes the feelings you spoke of come and go in waves. That is how it goes for me at least. I hope you do OK with the essay and doing your best is all you can do. Right?

And sorry to hear about the reactions of your family. It can be difficult to others to know what to say. Also, unlike a cut or broken arm, you cannot see how somebody else feels. And here... many of us have will have had similar experiences (at different stages of life) and may identify with how you are feeling. If I could impart one but of advice to you... talking about what you are going through can be helpful, rather than letting it build up inside. That was something I did for too many years!

I will assume you are going to school and wonder if you have had an opportunity to speak with the school counselor?

From your initial post, you have gotten through this period before and I am sure will get through it this time as well. My psychologist compared my journey with going up a mountain - sometimes we have to go down into a valley to find a better path to the top. This helps me moving forward.

Peace and comforting thoughts, Tim