i want to die

[Absy]

i was dating this girl (i am lesbian) we dated for around 5 months and i thought we were ok but then she dumped me because she didn't feel like she liked me more than friends, i was really sad but i believed i could push forward and through the depressive episode i was in and i stayed in the friend group for months happy but when i stayed the night with my ex and another friend i noticed that my ex was constantly on her laptop talking to someone for the majority of the time and i was a little confused and looked over her shoulder and found out that she was flirting and talking to my best friend (male) and then my ex confessed everything so that was how i found out she was dating my best friend from a week after we broke up and she just let me trust her and be friends with her whilst secretly dating my best friend and to rub salt in the wound it turns out she became straight after we broke up and she was simultaneously crushing on my friend while we dated so i just pretended to be ok with everything until i was picked up in the morning because i didn't wat to trouble my mum with picking me up so late at night the next day when i saw him and i asked about it he just thought it was funny i found out and acted like it was nothing i feel like i am less than a person and i really want to die now because when i dated her i felt like someone could actually love me im not that insecure but at the same time i dont believe anyone could like me or feel attracted to me i eventually sent a large message to the groupchat to explain everything i felt and how betrayed and shit and then i kind of just left that friendgroup so now i am all alone in class besides from one friend who is still in the friend group i dont know how to ask my parents for a therapist im just ranting now and i doubt anyone will read this but i need to get it out

[Croix]

Dear Absy~

I'd like to welcome you here to the Forum and regret it has taken so long for you to get a reply, sadly the system does not always work as well as we might like.

It is heart-breaking when somone you thought loved you breaks it off and goes after someone else. This particularly so if it is the first real relationship one has had. Very many years later I still remember mine, which also ended abruptly.

When relationships are broken off it can make you doubt yourself and think you are unattractive or nobody will ever want you again. While it may be a natural reaction it does not mean it is right. I felt that way for some time, then things changed after someone else wanted to be my special friend. it came as a pretty big surprise as I'd realy thought I was hopless.

You sound a lovely, considerate and sensitive person and you have been very unlucky to be with someone who is immature and just finding out about themselves. It does not strike me that you are the reason for the breakup, just immaturity in your ex. She is only just finding out her gender and what attracts her. I guess you have past that stage. It does not sound like the boy she has gone with is anything great if he thought your hurt was funny. In time he may say it about her.

I'm glad you still have one freind, even if they are still part of that group. Being alone is the  pits. 

Getting some outside help can work well, and also can be an alternative to telling your parents straight away. Can I suggest you give the Kids Help Line a ring or web-chat

They are the place for younger people to go, pretty sensible and take how you feel seriously. They are understanding and can be a comfort.

Because they are so good you may have a bit of a wait on the phone to get on, so I'd suggest having something to do while in the queue.

It can be very hard to believe things can get better when you are in the middle of grief, loss and self doubt. Still I'm nothing out of the box but life turned around for me, so why not you?  

A final thing, if you do get overwhelmed then give Lifeline (13 11 14) or 000 a ring, that's what they are there for, to help you cope though the worst time. When I opened up it came as a surprising relief, a weight was lifted off me even though sadness remained.

If you would like ot come back and talk more this time the answer will be quicker as I'm looking out for your post.

Croix