I don’t know anymore

[Guest_2608]

It’s interesting how our minds work. We can be so accepting and nonjudgmental towards others but as soon as we think of ourselves there’s nothing but negative thoughts. This is what I have been told anyways. 
But the thing is.. it isn’t just that simple. 
People ask me what my plans are for the future but I can never answer that because I don’t see one. 
I’m tired of feeling worthless all the time and the thing is when you have no friends all you do in your spare time is think… and thinking is my downfall. Because that’s when I realise that I have no one, that’s when I realise that I’ve messed things up, it’s also when I realise that it will just be easier if I wasn’t here because what am I leaving behind anyways besides feeling like shit all the time? 

[therising]

The warmest of welcomes to you at what sounds like such an incredibly painful time in your life. I've found, through my own experience, that a time in life that prompts so many questions (including a whole stack of depressing ones) tends to signify a quest of some type. The more questions, the more significant the quest. I believe in the need for a whole variety of guides on a significant quest. If life is a landscape of sorts, it's completely natural that we're going to need guides and directions on occasion, especially if or when we're feeling completely and utterly lost or on the darker parts of certain paths.

I think most people have a seer in them, a part of us that leads us to see the way forward. If we're finding it impossible to tap into the seer in us (for one reason or another) or what we see is depressing or stressful, such factors definitely create problems. While I'm not blaming the people who raised us as kids, I think it's important to keep in mind why it's not always easy to channel our inner seer. While it takes skill and ability to be able to easily see the way forward, what if we're not given certain skills to begin with? We can end up having an ability that's in no way being untilised and mastered. Just a handful of the many reasons when it comes to not being able to see the way forward

• No one's leading us to see it in ways we can relate to. In other words, we don't have any significant guides in life who are able to share their vision for us. In this case, the need for guides and people who can see for us becomes undeniable
• Without a goal or goals to look forward to, there are no paths appearing which lead to that goal or those goals. Create a goal and the path will begin to appear. The path may not be entirely clear at first but at least the first step may be something we can see
• While we may have been an absolute pro at daydreaming when we were a kid, being conditioned out of daydreaming can have a down side. On the other hand, being led to take that daydreaming ability and develop it strategically and constructively means being able to go into our mind/imagination at any given time in order to see what we need to see
• I've found it can feel almost impossible to tap into the inspiring seer in me if my inner critic or some other deeply depressing part of me is at the forefront. In other words it can be hard to see any way forward when what we're hearing (through inner dialogue) is 'You're hopeless. You're going nowhere. Why are you even here?'. So, you could say some part of us is interfering with our ability to gain a clear vision

I've found to go from 'What's wrong with me, why am I so broken?' to 'Why can't I see?' can make some difference. While the first question can be depressing and a matter of opinion, the second (Why can't I see?) is a valid question on our quest for greater self understanding and the way forward.