I don't belong

[Kombie390]

What am I doing here. I don't belong here. I don't feel like I have a place on this earth anymore. Why you ask? Because of dissociation. I've been switching from really young ages to my current age for almost a straight month. I've bounced around from caring for my younger parts to now been back to hurting and destroying them and myself. I love my counsellors they are great. I am going through so many issues and problems I keep feeling like a heavy burden towards them I bother them too often I'm not their only client I never have a good day or week to report back to them in any sessions anymore. They've suggested and offered the mental health crisis team whom I've had contact and used before. It's just that with the dissociation and switching ages and what I went through in the past I am absolutely terrified to be locked away. One of my counsellors have suggested a retreat for respite or utilise a hospital stay. I can't. I'm scared. I want to talk but at the same time not talk. I feel all blocked up I feel like I am shutting myself down. I'm slipping I know I am this time right now a part of me doesn't care if I'm alive or not nor do I care how badly I am hurting myself or the harm and risk I put myself in.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Kombie390,

Thank you so much for sharing your journey with us here. It was very brave of you to do so and we are so sorry to hear how much you are struggling right now. We understand that these feeling must be overwhelming, but please know that you do not have to do this alone. Many in our community have had similar feelings and understand. Hopefully a few of them will pop by and offer you some words of kindness and advice. We are also currently getting in touch with you through email as we are worried about you.

It's great to hear that you have spoken to your counsellors about these feelings. We think it's really strong of you and so important that you have been so proactive in recognising you need some help and seeking it. We recognise that this must be a really difficult situation for you, but please know that help is always available to you. We are also currently getting in touch with you via email as we are worried about you. We hope you know that there is always somewhere to turn to during these difficult times, whether it's from our professional mental health counsellors Beyond Blue (1300 22 4636) or our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467).

Please feel free to keep us updated here on your thread with what you are feeling and experiencing whenever you feel up to it - we hope that you find this to be a safe and non-judgemental space.

[Kombie390]

Sophie_M...

Thanks but I don't feel like talking with anyone right now. I'm trying to hold myself together and be ok. I just don't know how to do this.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Kombie390,

Do you think you might feel up to chatting with a counsellor online instead? Our Support Service have webchat available from 3pm-midnight (AEST) at https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/get-immediate-support
Suicide Call Back Service also have a 24/7 online chat available at https://www.suicidecallbackservice.org.au/phone-and-online-counselling/
We're all here to help you through this.


 

[Kombie390]

I'll try the webchat Sophie_M.

Many thanks

[Ggrand]

Hello Kombie..

I would like to kindly Welcome you to the forums along with Sophie...

I am sorry your struggling with dissociating, which is something that can get very frightening ..

Kombie. Is it possible to talk to your councillors and find out more about the respite...I was frightened when I was admitted into a rehabilitation mental health ward...I think it’s a bit like a respite ward...

This is what I experienced ..I had a tv, small fridge, toilet and shower in my room..and we had groups twice a day, then free time to do what we wanted to do....We had to prepare our own breakfast and lunch..then dinner was a group effort by a roster made up daily..The place I stayed at was for learning to look after myself again.,,because I was in such a bad place before I went in..not caring what happened to me...I came out of the hospital a much more stable person...and able to care for myself again...

If your felt up to asking your psych about what happens in the respite they want you to go to....it might help you to be not so afraid.....

Keep talking here, dear Kombie if you need to..I have rang the suggested lifelines that Sophie has given you..and they are very understanding, kind compassion people..who seemed to understand how I was feeling...and helped me so much...

Sitting with you dear Kombie, We all care about you and are here to help support you as much as we can...

Sending you my care and some comforting hugs..

Grandy..

[Kombie390]

Sophie_M....

I tried the webchat and the counsellor referred me to chat with a counsellor from SANE but their webchat isn't working or available. I'll just keep trying to sit and get to the next minute the best I can.

Many thanks

[Kombie390]

Thanks Grandy...

Yes my counsellors are aware of the switching I am going through. I am aware of the retreat or the hospital just right now with the age I am switching to the whole thought of going somewhere and being locked away I am terrified. I know though living the way I am is no good either. It's just that the rest of my daily life isn't safe or ok. The undercurrent is pulling me out at times past the point of viewing my counsellors. I already bother them too much I feel like that anyway. And I know in the end I'm the only one to help myself. Just right now I do but don't want help like I can't reach out to them. Grounding isn't an option just to scary for my younger part. I don't know what I am to do with me anymore.

[Sophie_M]

Hi again Kombie390,

Well done for reaching out, we know that it must be a really tough thing to do when you're feeling so overwhelmed. We think you are so strong, and we'd really encourage you to try again- our friends at Lifeline are also available to talk to through webchat from 7pm-midnight (AEST) at: https://www.lifeline.org.au/crisis-chat/

 

[Kombie390]

I'm sorry Sophie_M. I just can't