helpless.

[Butterfly_Wings_of_Hope]

I hadn't self-harmed for a good month or so, but two days ago one of my supposed best friends said he didnt want to talk to me anymore without giving me any reason. This might sound like a pathetic reason to start self harming again, but that friend (I will call him C) meant the world to me and him abandoning me like this with no closure just reiterates how worthless I am. Anyway, I self-harmed over it and I feel really bad for going backwards. I tried really hard to not self-harm but I only have my husband as a support and I just don't want to be here anymore.

I don't even know why I'm posting, I don't think this place can help me. I don't think anyone or anything can help me at this point.

[Sophie_M]

Hey Butterfly.Wings.of.Hope,

Thank you so much for reaching out to this community and sharing your journey here with us. We understand it can be really difficult to post when you're feeling so low, so we are genuinely grateful you decided to reach out. We're so sorry to hear that you've been struggling with self-harming and feeling abandoned by your friend. It sounds like these feelings must be really overwhelming to cope with- is there something that has helped you to curb self harm behaviour in the past? Please know that you're not alone and there will be members of this community who relate to how you're feeling right now. 

Our Support Service is also trying to reach out to you via email as we're worried about you. 
Please know that there is always somewhere to turn in dark moments like these, and help is always available to you, whether it's from our kind mental health counsellors at Beyond Blue (1300 22 4636) or our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467). The lovely counsellors are here for to you 24/7, as often as you need during overwhelming moments like these.

We hope that you can find some solace in these forums from our caring community, and the kind support and advice they can offer. If you would like to post further, please feel free to tell us more about what's on your mind and how we can best help support you through this.
 

[smallwolf]

hi and welcome to beyond blue.

i am sorry to hear your best friend has left you like this and that thought of not knowing what might have happened for this to occur. I would hope you would know your feelings at this time are normal - whether that is sadness, anger, confusion or whatever else. Over our life, friends might come and go, but you would hope for some sort of closure.

In your post you mentioned self-harming. The beyond blue web site has information on self-harming and alternatives. It is easy to tell you try some self-care ideas or activities but when you are feeling that low it can be hard to do these things.

Were you able to tell your husband about what happened and the effect it has had on you? Or perhaps talking to a professional? In my experience, talking to someone has been helpful and get some feedback.

Another thing you could try is searching for similar stories. A google search for

abandoned by friend beyond blue

will give you links to others stories on the forums. I hope you will come back and share some more of you story. Listening to you,

Tim

[Butterfly_Wings_of_Hope]

Yes, i told my husband. He has broken down. He cant cope. And i dont trust professionals because the nurses abused me.

[smallwolf]

Thank you for a prompt reply.

It sounds like your husband loves you very much.

If you do not trust professionals, have you looked the beyond blue safety plan app?

the only thing that I do know based on my own experience is that holding pain inside was not helpful for me. And finding some way to the let it out. In your case, the self-harm helps you feel in control. Would writing or journaling be helpful - even writing on the forums here. One advantage might be is someone who responds is supportive and non-judgemental.

Also, how was your day today? Or perhaps you might like to tell me a little about yourself.... I suspect you would like to the colourful butterfly in the right 1/2 of your avatar.

Peace and comforting thoughts, Tim

[Guest_4643]

Hello Butterfly.Wings.of.Hope, I love your username and profile picture.

I'm really sorry to hear of your battles with SH, and that you've recently done it, and the other things you wrote.

Please know that the so called "friend" isn't worth your time if they're going to be like that, and you did nothing wrong, it's all on them, and it's their loss. I think you sound like a great person who is struggling, and they did the wrong thing.

You're not worthless at all, I promise you. I've lost many so called "friends" myself, and I know how hard it is, I really do. So I completely understand. I'm glad you have your husband as a support.

Please know that we're all here for you, it's a caring, friendly, supportive, non judgemental environment on these forums, and I do hope that you feel safe here and can find some support.

Please stay safe, we all care about you and want you to be ok. I wish I could help you more.