Emptiness

[Pnut76]

I'm stuck. I don't know how to break this cycle.
I feel empty, and cannot see through the dark.
I am overwhelmed with thoughts of suicide , they fill my mind.
I dont believe I will self harm, but also a big part of me feels at some point
down the long road that wont be the case. That at some point its inevitable
I'm too scarred to move, every step i take i feel like i sink a little further.
For the first time in my life when these feelings arise, i have saught help
Initially, first contacts with the system were all positive, i felt seen for the
first time ever. Since getting going with a new GP, i feel lost, unseen
and un noticed. I sit for up to 30minsbeyond my appointment, anxious
and scarred, and spend approx 5 - 8mins with the GP before leaving, feeling like nothings happened
She reffered me to a psychologist, I have rang, left voice message, texted and
left my details, and still have had no contact. My gp says she has created
a care plan, but apartfrom the phone number to the psychologist
I know nothing else about it.
I find myself lonely in a way i have never experienced before, when i wake
Up i just find myself wishing i could stay or go back to sleep.
When i try to reach out to my sister for help, her response is anger
and i feel like i make things worse. It feels like icould fade away and no one would notice

[Sophie_M]

Hey Pnut76,

Thanks for reaching out today on the Beyond Blue forums. We're so sorry to hear how empty, hopeless and unsupported you feel at the moment. Your experience trying to access mental health services is very upsetting and we acknowledge how unhelpful this experience must've been. We really feel you deserve better and hope you try to reach out again to a different mental health service. A care plan is a document a GP creates about your current mental health goals and will send this on to your psychologist (likely the psychologist they referred you too) for them to review. If you have a mental health care plan, you will be entitled to Medicare rebates for up to 10 individual and 10 group appointments with some allied mental health services in a year. You can learn more about mental health care plans here: https://au.reachout.com/articles/part-2-using-your-mental-health-care-plan

Our Support Service is trying to reach out to you via email as we are worried about you.

We hope you know that there is always help available to you, whether it's from our professional mental health counsellors Beyond Blue (available 24/7/365 on 1300 22 4636) or our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467).

We want you to know that our community is here to provide you with as much support, advice and conversation as you need. Please check in and let us know how you are whenever you feel up to it.
 

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

When we reach out to other people we often get rejection. There is a simple reason for this- our illness is invisible. With a broken limb they can see it and give support to us, sadness or a diagnosied mental illness is not seen so specially siblings think we are lying about it.

The best advice I can give you is to go to your doctor and discus these feelings.

Try to remember that these feelings come and go, they usually dont remain there.

Many of us here including myself have been where you are now, as you mature and get older these thoughts drift away or if not you can get much help from your doctor or from those numbers Sophie listed.

TonyWK