Disability and Depression

[Mira8]

Hi everyone,

I'm 17, I was born with a disability (a hand and arm difference that all in all affects me very little physically in life), I went on exchange last year to France, I am an academic student who is about to commence VCE and aiming for a high ATAR to get into law, science, commerce, global studies or whatever else, and I just feel like I don't have the right to live.

Despite my privilege (growing up in a wealthy area with stable food, housing and education), I struggle to find jobs and experience due to my disability (even though I am perfectly capable of performing the job even without adjustments), some teachers speak to me as though I'm stupider than my classmates and don't treat me like a functioning human.

I can't shake this feeling that I am less of a human than others and that I was just born wrong. Teachers treat me like a burden when I want equality and I have been told that I can just miss out because of my disability. I feel like a failed genetic mutation, and I worry about putting any potential future children through the same thing as me. I had to have surgery to "fix" me as an infant and I really just feel like I shouldn't exist.

I would be in an asylum a few hundred years ago, and I wouldn't survive natural selection. I feel like my life is a burden to others who are abled bodied because it's sometimes treated as one, especially when I don't conform with standards and speak up. I don't want to die but I feel as though my teachers and strangers sometimes believe I should and sometimes believe my parents would be happier or better off if I was just normal.

I'm fighting a relentless battle for equality, I feel like I have to prove my right to exist everyday and I'm so tired. I'm wondering when my breaking point will be, because I feel like I'm just waiting for it to arrive.

[Croix]

Dear Mira8~

Welcome back. I'm pleased you have managed to find a psychologist who you feel could be a help.

I"m afraid life has placed a burden on you, but it is not the one you think. As you say yourself you have a hand and arm that function, and do not stop you from doing anything.

Your burden comes from the way you are treated -which you do not invite, but is the actions of others. Some may simply assume you are limited and act accordingly- they have no reason for this and are best regarded as shortsighted idiots.

Others try to protect you -which you do not need - and may be regraded as well meaning non-thinkers.

The world has far too many people who act inappropriately and trying to deal with them  is your burden. I admire the way you have put up wiht all this and worry it is getting you down to the stage where you start to believe in your heart that these people wiht their misplaced or condescending attitudes are right, and you are less than others. This is simply NOT true.

The hard part is for you to find a way that sets them straight -one by one- without upsetting you too much. A problem anyone who is discriminated against faces

I have found that although I'm more of a retiring type that anger has allowed me to say and do what I would not have otherwise - a most useful tool.

Do oyu have anyone to support you, to simply listen. Not to give sympathy, not to fix, just to care?

I'd also suggest talking strategies wiht your psych. Whatever you do will get easier over time and discrimination not affect you as much. You are capable of and deserve a good life.

Please  -if you would like to - let us know how you get one.

Croix

[Roadsend]

Hi Mira8, and welcome, Croix has summed it up very well, please don't ever feel you "don't have the right to live", all that you have mentioned here shows a commendable determination and courage to over come the narrow mindedness of others, the fault lies with them and not at all with you. I do know from my own experiences how it can feel to believe that "  I really just feel like I shouldn't exist" but this is not the case, well I remember just how trying being 17 was, by no means an easy time of your life, trying to achieve and show yourself to be at least as good and hoping maybe just that little bit better than the rest of the field so you might stand a better chance to get to where you feel you should be, it's not an easy time at all, it is a real struggle that can easily have you doubt yourself, but please remember, all this is not something you should doubt yourself for, be kind to yourself (which is something I know can be difficult to do when it feels like whole world is measuring you up) there is no question that you do have the right to live, and you are not to blame for narrow minded thinking of other people, that is their own short coming and theirs alone