Chronically Suicidal & no trust in Psychs

[Ovait]

Hi, so I’ve been diagnosed with MDD, PTSD & chronically suicidal for the past 6 years. I have attempted a number of times l. I know I need help but I’ve been through hell at the hands of a particular public psych ward over a number of inpatient stays which has completely eroded my trust in the psychiatric profession. I did have a private psychologist who was the only one I trusted but unfortunately he has become ill & has had to stop working. He knew I have a plan & means etc but never forced me to give anything up. It’s my safety net. I’ve finally found a new psychologist (after 6 months) who is talking about us having to have “trust” in each other & a safety plan. That plan will involve going to the hospital that has traumatised me. 
How can I have trust in a person I don’t know & who has links to the hospital that has traumatised me? I can’t give up my plan - that’s my “get out of jail card”. He won’t treat me unless I agree to a safety plan which I don’t want to do. 

[Chris_Tas]

Hi.

I understand your feelings i assure you.

My medication and idiot GPs actually me me worse.....

I strongly suggest to move on and find the person you trust and medication accordingly

My life is so much better due to finding the right Psych and having the right meds (for me)

Don't take no for an answer and trust me, I'm a pretty long term member so hopefully my Dvice has helped you in your choices.

Chris

[Ovait]

Hi Chris,

Thanks for your reply. 

Six years on from when all of “this” started, I’ve moved on from one GP (who has since had his medical reg suspended [& rightly so]) & a couple of psychologists. I’ve tried just about every antidepressant with no effect or side effects I’m not prepared to put up with & refuse to be a guinea pig & try any more until they can empirically prove to me something is going to work. I’ve be coerced/ threatened into ECT by my local psych in patient unit (amongst other traumas suffered there) that did nothing but leave me with 3 months of memory loss. 

I’ve lost all faith in the psych specialty & I’m not sure I’ll ever really trust any of them ever again. They can’t even prove, with physical evidence, the disorder they label you with- a label that stays with you forever even if another psychiatrist gives you a new label...

I just find it hard that it’s set up that I can’t be honest with them because that would land me straight in lockup, the place of my nightmares, so it wouldn’t matter who I found to talk to - I even have to be careful what I say to my nurse friends as they are mandated to report & section people they think are a danger to themselves. But if I can’t talk to them honestly I’m never going to improve so it’s a catch-22 situation...

[Eagle Ray]

Hi Ovait

I can understand why you would feel afraid to raise any dark stuff you are experiencing.

In recent years I’ve been exploring non-verbal, energetic ways of healing trauma,  where there is no need to disclose the content of what I’m experiencing to anyone, unless I want to.

Some of those things have included sound healing and Bowen therapy, which start to re-align things energetically within the body. They can bring trauma stuff up at an energetic level but in a safe holding environment where it gets released.  It’s important, however, to be able to find good practitioners you trust with these modalities just as you would want to with mainstream modalities.

The above are only suggestions and I hesitate to mention specific things as what may work for you may be something different. But I’m just wondering if non-verbal approaches where dark stuff gets to be worked through energetically may get around the issue of verbally telling the dark stuff with the fear of going back to hospital. 

Sometimes these kind of approaches can be an adjunct to conventional therapy. So you still might see your regular psychologist. I don’t know if such things would help or not. Other things I’ve tried have included Somatic Experiencing (with a psychologist) and TRE (Trauma Releasing Exercises) which are different to standard talk therapy. These things reached me when conventional talk therapy did not. I’m not suggesting you do these things specifically, but that there are a range of approaches out there that might be worth exploring. It all costs money of course which can be another hurdle, but I’ve found even just learning about different approaches started to expand the possibilities of how I might heal.

I’m not trying to give advice about what to do. I can just hear you describing how you feel stuck at the moment and trying to think out of the box.

[Ovait]

Hi Eagle Ray,

Thanks for your reply..

Stuck is an understatement!