Cactus without options

[Futile_Putrid]

I’m the first to admit I’m no saint… or at least I wasn’t 10 years ago. 
But these days I’m forced to buy meds online, and I’m 100% aware one day it’s going to contain a potent substance and I’ll be dead and there’s nothing I can do about it.  No one cares. I’m 50 because I was on a program in my 30s I can only get anti depressants they don’t do it for me and I’m fine with it. I’m actually longing for it to happen. I’ve told doctors it didn’t change a thing. No one cares. 

[Sophie_M]

Hey Guest_79386941,
Thank you for your bravery and openness in sharing here. We can understand how difficult it must be to feel this way, and we really appreciate you being open and sharing what's going on for you right now.

Is there anyone that you feel able to discuss this in person with?  In the meantime, we’d encourage you to give the Beyond Blue counsellors a call on 1300 22 4636 or speak to them on webchat here.

It can be common to have these thoughts and if you ever start to feel unsafe and like you might harm yourself please know you can reach out to Lifeline on 13 11 14 or 000 (triple
zero).
We hope that you find our forums to be a safe and supportive space to talk through your thoughts and feelings. Our community is here for you, and we’re sure they’ll spot your post soon enough and have some kind words and understanding for you.

Kind regards,
Sophie M
 

[therising]

Wondering whether you've received an official diagnosis, regarding what doctors are medicating you for (what exactly is causing the depression). In some cases anti depressants may not make any difference if the cause of the depression relates to something that requires a more specific type of medication or treatment. Depression can be a brutal side effect of a whole stack of different conditions and if no one's able to identify the condition, it can remain depressing. Hope that makes sense. Do you get a sense that no one's really getting to the bottom of the cause and this is why you continue to suffer? Definitely tempting to look for anything that works, out of absolute and complete desperation. My heart goes out to you.