Been dealing with Depression and self-harm, but am really struggling.

[ImaStayAnonymous]

Hi my name is Juliet.

I've known for a while that I've been depressed, I just always feel sad and tired and am over everything. That's why I started self-harming, luckily I got out of that phase and started to feel okay again. But since my life is messed up I'm now scared I'm going to start falling back into it. No one really knows about what's been happening, as I haven't talked to any person, my friends etc don't see the signs as I know I'm pretty good at hiding it.

The thing that helped me get out of my 'slump' was my cat. He always listened and It's like he knew when I wanted to self-harm because he'd come up and nudge me and distract me. He made me so happy and even though he is was my younger sister's, he helped me so much, he was like a support cat if anything. Two weeks ago he was in an accident and went into cardiac arrest during surgery. I miss him so much and I feel like without him I'm not going to be able to distract myself.

I can't pinpoint where the sadness that just hangs over me for the last few months comes from but it's just always there and my cat just helped let the sun peek through sometimes. So now I'm getting self-harm thoughts again and I'm scared because he won't be there to help.

My parents don't understand shit and they just yell at me when I do bad at school, and they're relatively good parents but there are just some aspects when it comes to my mental health that they don't understand. For example, they think having a phone is going to make me end my life but It helps me distract myself and I always feel comforted knowing that if I have a breakdown or I hurt myself badly that I can get help. Now they've decided to lock my phone up at night and I'm scared I wont be able to get help.

I'm sorry but I don't really know what I wanted to get out of this, I just needed somewhere to talk to people. Has anyone got any tips about any of the things mentioned???

[Sophie_M]

Hey Juliet,

Thank you so much for reaching out to our community here tonight and being so open and honest with your feelings. We can hear that you're really struggling at the moment with these urges to self-harm which are becoming increasingly difficult to cope with after the loss of your beloved cat. It must be even more difficult when you feel like you can't open up to your family about this but please know that you've come to a safe space, free of judgement and our community are here to offer as much support, advice and conversation as you need through this. We're also checking in with you privately to offer some extra support.

We would urge that you get in touch with our friends at Kids Help Line. They are a confidential and anonymous, telephone and online counselling service specifically for young people aged 25 and under, and are available to you anytime, 24/7 via phone (1800 55 1800) or also through webchat if you'd prefer to chat online. Our friends at Lifeline at also available anytime on 13 11 14 whenever things are feeling like too much to cope with- you never have to go this alone.

We hope that you can find some comfort here in the forums, and please feel free to keep talking and keep us updated here, whenever you feel up to it.

[Croix]

Dear Juliet~

I'd like to join Sophie_M in welcoming you here to the Forum. Sophie has given you some of good links to contact, however if you don't have your phone that makes it difficult.

It is a frightening thing when you are not sure what you might do, I've been there too. It's worse when there does not seem to be a particular reason for you to feel depressed, sad and tired, it just seems to happen.

Parents not understanding what is going on is sadly more common than we'd like and really they need education in what's real.

So I guess there are at least three things to think over.

One being you already know that having an cat -or possibly something else, maybe a person, can help when you feel you a going to have to hurt yourself. Can I ask what other possibilities there might be? Humans might be best, though another cat or kitten might be good as well. Of course Sophie mentioned Kid's Help Line, Suicide Call Back or else Lifeline (all are there for self-harm too), as being some ways to get a human when you need someone or something.

Another is that you really do need to be properly diagnosed by a doctor - who can see how to make you feel better and at the same time tell your parents how things really are. To get you to see the doctor maybe Kids Help Line might tell your parents, or a school councilor or a teacher you like can listen to you and tell them how serious it is. Is this a possibility?

After all, as you probably know self-harm is dangerous and you can end up taking your life. It can be because you make a mistake, becuse you have to hurt more and more to get the same effect, or you mood can suddenly change to an impulse which you act on straight way. Not good.

The other thing is a reason to have your phone back. Complete the Saftey Plan Beyond Now which is for a smartphone. I have it myself. You can not only point out the plan should be always with you, but once your parents realise how serious things are they can actually help you fill it in, something that is quite hard to do alone as it is difficult to remember what you enjoyed or gave you a lift.

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/beyondnow-suicide-safety-planning

You are not alone, we are here and do care

Croix