Alcohol and self harm

[Rupes79]

Hi,

I’ve found myself in a bad place again. I’m drinking too much which is leading to episodes of misusing medication.

I stopped seeing my psychologist as I didn’t feel any improvement in the last 3-4 sessions and I felt judged when I spoke about drinking and medication misuse. 
I’m not really sure who I should speak to about this right now or just try and ride it out and hope things improve. 
Thanks for listening. 

[Sophie_M]

Hi Rupes79
 
We just want to thank you for reaching out this evening; it’s a brave thing to do when you are feeling so defeated.  While we are glad you feel safe enough to share about your experience here, we will also reach out to you privately to offer you additional support this evening, 
 
It's positive to hear that you are able to self-reflect and see the association between your drinking and misuse of medication as this is an important step in your journey to recovery.  It’s also important to remember that your mental is also a journey here and that there will be times where you may relapse or your progress becomes stagnant, try to be kind to yourself.
 
It’s a shame that you felt no improvement when seeing your psychologist, have you thought maybe to speak with your GP to let them know the rapport you were looking for was not present, which is normal when trying to find that therapeutic relationship with your healthcare provider.  You might find it helpful to reach out to the Alcohol and Other Drugs Information Service (ADIS) which provides lots of resources and treatment options in your area.
 
If it helps you can call our counsellors anytime, we are here 24/7 on 1300 22 4636 or via our WebChat .  Our team who answer the phones are ready to have a supportive and non-judgmental chat whenever you need it.
 
Thanks again for posting; our community members will be along shortly to respond to your post, and offer compassion and helpful advice that may help you see if things haven’t worked before this might be an opportunity for you to try something different.  Please take care of you.
 
Regards
 
Sophie M

[therising]

Hi Rupes79

Harsh judgement from others definitely has a feel to it. I'd say it kind of has a degrading or 'You should know better than that, you fool' feel to it. I'm not one to criticise why people drink, more so one to wonder why they do. I suppose this is based on my own experience. Everyone has a reason for why they drink. I used alcohol as an emotional regulator, as I drank my way through long term depression. I've come to realise every emotion I experience has a kind of sliding scale to it. For example, at one end I'm socially anxious (a natural introvert) and alcohol would take me sliding all the way through to being an extrovert, without anxiety. The next day it would leave me, with regret. At one end I was a people pleaser. Alcohol would take me through to freely expressing my displeasure at displeasing people. The next day it would leave me, with regret and the inability to fully recall exactly what I expressed. From feeling depression through to feeling joy, from responsibility into feeling no sense of responsibility (aka carefree), the list goes on. So, in other words, it can take you from one extreme to the other, from one state of consciousness to an altered state of consciousness. It can help remove the filters that hold us back but it comes at a cost. It can annihilate your self-esteem and leave you with deep regret. Drinking can feel like an exciting one night stand that'll leave you feeling dirty in the morning. It'll 'love' you and leave you.

Can take a lot of hard work to remove those filters naturally, without alcohol. For example, how do you remove the people pleaser filter in a way where emotional detachment comes naturally, as you lead people to be accountable for their behaviour toward you? With the skill of emotional detachment, there is no guilt or regret to be felt as you lovingly stand up for yourself.

In a nutshell, while alcohol can lead certain constructive aspects of us to be channeled to life, how do we channel those parts naturally, without alcohol? Far from easy at times, for sure🙂

[Rupes79]

Hi and thanks for your responses no support, much appreciated. 

I’m a bit reluctant to tell my GP about the misuse of medication as I don’t want to lose his confidence. I’m also not sure if the psychologist would tell him this. 

It’s been a bad week but I think I will just ride it out and give it some time and hope things improve for me. 

Thanks again.