dear Joey, confusing, no, not at all, it's seems simple to me, so whether I am confusing as well, I'll leave that up to the board of directors, that is all of us.
But alas you are not coping, because to pretend to cope is a bag of holes all the way through it, just like the fake smile that most of us have worn for many years, but eventually the cracks appear.
You are too afraid to communicate with people about how exactly you are feeling, because you know that once our 'friends' know of our depression and we are asking them for support, where do these 'friends' go, as far away as possible, 'out of sight out of mind'.
An intelligent manager can watch his staff and see everything they do, and I'm not meaning anything deceitful, what I mean is that he/she can watch how people or staff can handle difficult people, especially when the conversation or transaction has finished, because this will tell them the mood of the the staff member, and it comes from their eyes and how the move them around, or even the expression on their face, it may only take a second or so to be able to pick up their real feelings.
It can be read like a book, and then you approach this member and talk to them about anything to start with, and the manager should be able to know how you are feeling.
No your are not OK and you do need help, but just terribly frightened. I hope that you can understand what I mean, just like what the other good people have said.
We all love you and yes we do want to help you. Geoff.
