Want to be a hermit?

[white knight]

I suspect not many members will read this thread. Reason being, even people with mental illness commonly maintain their regular contact with others.. .including me.

However, all my life when depression hits ive been tempted to withdraw fully from people...with the exception of my close family members.Why?

Sensitivity plays a huge part. Without it a thick skin would shield me against those that hurt. Ok, thats my reason for me being tempted to become a recluse so what stopped me?

After a few attempts to run away from humans i realised that it wasnt practical even though l was desperate . I still needed health care so a current medicare card (nowadays), supplies for hygiene, utensils, tools, even hair cutting implements..and if something breaks? What about shelter?

I'd suspect these are the reasons hermits are homeless in cities where they can access services.

So if you have a burning desire to withdraw from society, what is an alternative?

A comfort safe zone might be your answer.

Firstly as people with mental illness we should not feel guilty for not contributing towards society. We are often only capable of focussing on our own survival.

Find an environment that suits you in housing you can afford. Many of us cant afford much. Consider a caravan...if you are single you are mobile and can park it in someones back yard for low rent..or be a drifter of caravan parks with some roadside or free camping.

The concept should be to maintain just enough contact with society to enable you to reap the benefits of it. I call it "swanning". I swan into town for my supplies, have a coffee at our fav cafe if it isnt busy and im feeling well, then swan out.

Over time you will perfect the regulation needed of home and away from home to remain in your best possible mental health.

A friend of mine a single guy with ptsd rents a cottage in our small town (pop 200). He drives a hiace campervan. His rent is very low here and he can tour around as he likes. He has many friends in Melbourne so when he wants he drives down, stays overnight then leaves the next day. He swans in and swans out.

If you are so depressed and can no longer tolerate people for whatever reason, resist the feelings of total withdrawal

In 1983 l expressed to my GP my need to live in the bush alone and with no contact. He said "you'll last about 3 months then you will be very unwell".

If you have just survived society, take care of yourself and find a safe place on society's fringe.

Tony WK

[Guest_9809]

Yes Tony, I have lived a part of my life being somewhat of a hermit. I retreated to there after my trauma some years ago, so maybe you could call it a bit of a sabattical? But I long to be there again.

To me it is almost the ideal situation. No pressure, no unrealistic expectations, no conflict, no people ... perfect! Admittedly I have the benefit of having free access to a very remote family owned wooden hut in the middle of never never. I was actually born and raised there. But now its somewhere nobody ever goes, with no road access, no electricity for many miles, no telephone, no mobile reception, no hot water, cooking over an open fire and in camp ovens. Surviving on trapped rabbits, yabbies from the dams, fruit from the orchid, and a cupboard full of tinned food when other food was not available. I didnt need any govt benefits. To me this is bliss, just me and my dog - a team.

Taurus x

[white knight]

Hi Taurus

I do understand.

My two attempts in the 1970's to reject society didnt work out. But l tried. I realised for me, l went too extreme.

This thread like others I've written has a mental illness wellbeing intent. For yourself you have "been there done that", you know how to survive such an existence. And it sounds good.

There are others however, that in deep desperate emotional state try to escape. For them a half way point might be more ideal. I think.

Tony WK

[margaro]

my 32 yr old son lives with his grandmother has depression & PTSD. He is struggling with holding a job. He has anger issues.... he is on his "best behaviour" at first when he starts a new job but after a while you see the real thing a frustrated intolerant agitated person. He falls out with his work mates and always blames someone else. He comes home and hides in his room. He shuts down and won't talk to anyone. If you try to talk to him he starts yelling and storms out of the house and drives off in his car. This has been going on for months. He refuses to get help. Every day is torture !! The family is at their wits end. We sense he's at risk of losing his job even though this is his "dream job". He won't communicate with us or anyone .

[white knight]

Hi margaro,

Thankyou, for replying.

You are indeed limited as to what you can do fir people that wont get help.

As frustrating as it is, you and those around him must remain calm, supportive and loving.

getting a diagnosis, treatment like meds and ongoing professional medical care is a long haul that needs his commitment which might come down the track when his issues peak.

You can google these that might help even if you just read the first post of each

Topic: can you force people?- beyondblue

Topic: does stubborness have a place?- beyondblue

Topic: is there room for stubborness?- beyondblue

Topic: talking to men, some tips- beyondblue

I hope you are ok. It isnt easy. He is in no state to be able to feel your pain.

We are hete for you and him is he cares to read and post.

Tony WK

[blondguy]

Hi TonyWK

Your thread reminded me of the 1980's when I tried to get work in regional Vic without success after my initial diagnosis of chronic anxiety. (to escape the anxiety inducing hustle & bustle)

I did try to look around to relocate into the bush but it just never panned out and now the anxiety attacks have gone way its no longer a priority

I still have a look around regional areas out of interest and found a house (beaten up weatherboard on 1 acre) in Stawell Tasmania for $29,950 asking. Unbelievable 🙂

Paul

[Nomies]

Hi White Knight

OMG! This is exactly how I have been feeling for so long, I am desperate to drop out of society but keep telling myelf how selfish that would be. I have a good job that I do enjoy but I constantly feel depressed because of the pressure to just get myself there regularly let alone trying to meet the demands put on me while I'm there. People just don't understand it, all they see is a physically capable person that is "lucky" to have such a good job, I cannot imagine spending the rest of my life feeling so miserable. I'm hoping to take 12 months off unpaid just to see if I can survive, my sister thinks I would no longer have any "purpose" if I'm not working but if having a job was enough purpose I don't think I would be feeling so constantly depressed.

Naomi

[white knight]

Hi Naomi,

Thankyou for replying.

People with our issues would have various levels of rejection of society to find their own comfort zone. There is another thread relating to this

Topic: fortress of survival- beyondblue (use google)

The very important thing is to not over react to put emotion aside when calculating/investigating where your comfort zone is.

What I'm eluding to with that post is that an urge to reject society is an act of desperation that can end up not only a place of more difficulty than remaining in society but also having new challenges like hygiene, loneliness, more severe depression due to hunger, sleeping locations etc etc.

Invariably that can lead to a need to return to the life one had prior to escaping.

Having tried similar moves with that return senario I found it more sensible to remain in society with adjustments to find that comfort zone and that once tweaked can result in a happy productive life without hurting our loved ones.

With minimal contact with the types that can hurt us fragile souls.

Does that make sense.?

Tony WK

[Nomies]

Makes total sense. I haven't been able to find my balance yet because I've spent my whole life worrying about what other people need and what they will say if I follow my heart. I'm in that spot right now, needing time off from work to get my depression under control but I'm constantly told that if I don't go to work I'll have no purpose and I won't be able to survive financially. Right now my sould is crying out for some relief from the world.

[white knight]

Ok nomies, google the thread above and this one

Topic: worry worry worry- beyondblue

[Debzmite]

Love this post! So often I dream of winning lotto and becoming a hermit.

Although as much as I withdraw from society I still want to go to football matches, movies, musicals and group therapy.

I wish I could get a job but I struggle with such feelings of worthlessness that I've been unemployed for so long I don't know how to get work and it scares me.

I seem to want to do short courses and take trips etc but struggle to do something productive. I'm on a DSP.

Thank you for making me realise that although I don't work it's ok because just getting through each day is hard enough.