A very warm welcome to you at a time in your life where you're questioning yourself, your anger and so much more.
Based on my own experience, I don't think it's weird that you don't want it to disappear. I've found anger can be a driving force at times, incredibly energising and highly motivating but it definitely needs to be managed for it to be a constructive driving force.
Being an inner dialogue kinda gal, I struggle at times with my inner critic, inner pessimist, inner raging intolerant cow🐄😠 and other facets. There's nothing wrong with a bit of constructive inner criticism, so as to recognise room for improvement. There's nothing wrong with being able to see the dark side of a situation, so as to recognise it for what it is. There's nothing wrong with being able to feel an angering level of frustration, disappointment, injustice etc. I find things go wrong when there's nothing keeping the reigns on the parts of me that can easily get out of control if they have free reign to do so. For example, the intolerant and upstanding cow in me (that pushes me to stand up for myself) wouldn't just push me to burn relationship bridges if given the chance, it would lead me to take to them with a high powered flame thrower😁. If you developed your inner sage, what would it sound like? Maybe 'Shhh, just breathe. BREATHE!' or 'Don't say anything you're going to regret. Choose your words carefully' or 'In this case, you need to walk away and calm down'. There's a part of us that can help us manage our anger and sometimes we can seriously feel the need to develop it.
Wondering whether the intolerant part of you is coming to life more based on there being something you shouldn't be tolerating. Took me some decades to work out that the angry or intolerant part of me just loves to make lists, which tends to get me more and more worked up. 'Why the hell are you tolerating
- that person's degrading behaviour towards you?
- this overwhelming level of work?
- people not caring about how you feel?
- people speaking to you like you're always in the wrong?
and on and on it goes. The longer the list, the more worked up I tend to get. It's largely because I'm suddenly becoming conscious of so many things. Ignorance was bliss (to some degree) before the list. Sometimes it feels like the intolerant part of me loves to get me worked up, so that I'll take action to finally change things. The people pleaser in me tends to change nothing in the way of me standing up for myself.
