Staying Positive

[TishaJade]

Roughly six months ago I came to Beyond Blue for some support through a complicated time whilst I was in a relationship. I was not in a good place back then and came to realize I was not going to be happy with my ex no matter how hard I tried. I have been much happier since, and am glad we have parted ways despite still missing him and thinking of him often. Although I feel a lot better than I did back then, I have had six months from hell and I have reached the point where I am started to get exhausted from being knocked down physically and emotionally.

Recap of my last six months: My ex left me after a year and a half together, and two weeks later my parents up and moved interstate. I was also unemployed as I lost my job due to Covid19. I found little support through the grieving process as my brother lives several hours away and works interstate for weeks on end. My friends were not supportive (not deliberate) and most of my extended family members are hard to get close to due to complicated matters. My luck changed when I got a full-time job. I even started doing equestrian sports again and bought my own horse. In late September I had a car accident due to stress at work, having a lot of responsibility with little training, and putting 110% into my job. I was disappointed to know my car was a wreck and I was reimbursed for what It was worth. Through this time I was also finishing late at work, and having to find a way to the laundromat to do my washing because my washing machine broke, and I had no car. My best friend of 12 years promised to drop everything and help me by driving me to a car dealer to buy a car so that I could get to work. She never showed up. I walked to several car yards in 30-degree heat and bought the first car I could afford. I called and left messages and she only replied at 4pm that day informing me she was ill and had only just seen my messages. I voiced my frustration but told her I still loved her and she never spoke to me since, ignores me on social media, and won't contact me. I don't know why. To top it off, I got let go of my job two weeks ago and was told I was not performing to the standard they wanted which was just simply not true. I was devastated and left stranded once again with no parents and this time no best friend. My birthday is next weekend and Christmas is around the corner and I see no point celebrating with no family around me. And with my defeated mindset.

I am just drained from trying to stay positive.

[smallwolf]

Hi.

Things have really gone badly for you recently with your parent moving away and losing your job among other things and so your reactions to all of this would be normal. I was listening to a podcast some of the things you mentioned in your post are really stressful events. You are allowed to feel down, frustrated, etc.

As you have been here before, you would know that other users are accepting and non-judgemental and supportive. There are a number of good threads on the forums including the BB Cafe and other social threads. I would suggest you have a look at and perhaps participate in some threads if you feel up to it. It won't replace your best friend... though gain a number of virtual friends in this space.

Finally, a couple of year ago, I had to maintain a number of journals - things to the thankful for, and positive things in the day, etc. There were days when things I looked forward to were negative things. Clearly the wrong things to write down. I had to flip my thoughts. At the time I did not believe the positive thing I wrote down, but... over time things can change.

I will listen to your story. Hopefully I might be able to give a few tips and ideas. I would also hope you might be able to get professional help if you feel it would help you to find a way to move forward.

Tim

[Bananie1234]

Hi TishaJade,

i wish i could be there so you wouldn't be alone on your birthday. i'm not on the exact same boat but i know how you feel particularly with friendships. it's already hard enough to stay positive when going through a tough time it's even harder when it's during COVID. My anxiety and loneliness is aggravated by COVID restrictions and until international borders open, i know i won't be feeling at my best. But, i'm still trying to stay positive and control what i can control.

i think finding a good psychologist really helps. i was really thankful i got a really good one. i've only had 2 sessions with her but she already made me discover things about myself that i never fully acknowledged. I wouldn't say she made me feel "happier" but after she allowed me to discover myself, i have clarity on why i feel the way i feel and i feel like i was able to make out a plan to move forward. I definitely feel my anxiety levels are dropping.

I also think keeping a journal helps. it allows you to express your feelings in writing. Set a few questions for yourself whenever you feel unwell and answer them. i think in your case, a gratitude journal would be great. if you have trouble setting questions, Kikki K has those gratitude/happiness journals that usually have questions in them that you can answer to. you can use them as your templates.

However, i think the most important thing is to not hide away from uncomfortable emotions but to acknowledge them. Allow yourself to feel the pain and face it. Tell yourself it's okay to feel this way and that it is only temporary. It's terrifying i know, but i feel you have to go through it so you can heal.