Staying/Getting/Doing Well – Moving goalposts or fixed target?

[Paw Prints]

Hi, this is my first post, though I have been reading the forums for some weeks. I’m probably expressing myself badly when I say that I have found reading about other people’s journeys reassuring. Finding a community of people who “get it” even when they have a wide variety of experiences and lives lived is not something I thought I would ever find.

Though people talk about getting well & there is a section Staying Well, I’m curious as to what this actually means to other people and how they manage their expectations. I noticed some people refer to being well as ‘being like themselves before they got ill’, whilst others don’t express an exact aim.

My idea of being well has changed over the years. I was first diagnosed as an 8 year old child back in the late sixties. The doctors told Mum that the voices in my head & the sudden crying bouts were because I suffered from ‘nerves’ & I was given meds to calm me. Of course such things were not discussed back then & I was told not to talk about it to anyone, not my school friends nor siblings, just Mum. For decades after my idea of being well simply meant being able to hide my illness from others.

A number of events in my life caused my illness to worsen, until some years ago I became so ill I needed to be hospitalised for my own safety. This lead to my current diagnosis of Major Depression, Anxiety & PTSD. I’m no longer in that dark place, but each day is still a battle (though I can now believe in a future). For now only my siblings & one friend know about my illness, though some things they still don’t know.
So, what does ‘being well’ mean to me, it is ever moving goalposts. If you had asked me 5 years ago would I be as well as I am now I would have thought it impossible as I couldn’t envision a future. If you had asked me last week (during one of my down periods) I would have said my progress was all an illusion & I was fooling myself that things can get better.
For now my idea of being well is being able to believe that things can change for the better, that I will one day be able to manage the everyday things like housework, caring for myself & caring for my dog & maybe, just maybe I will even be able to enjoy myself.

Paw Prints
**I took the tip to give myself time to write my post by writing on a word doc & then paste it.

[mmMekitty]

Hi Paws, I needed to edit, then forgot to 'Reply'. Sorry, it's taken a while to return heer. I like how this site saved what I"d written before. But I am not over 2500 characters!!! I'm going to have to split this post into two

We are two peas in a pod, with the difficulty maintaining motivation to exercise. I realise even doing it for my health is not enough to get me regularly up & moving. So far, I have found I will do more, & keep at it longer, if I have someone with me. The thing I most want to do, if I get the review of my NDIS plan, would be to include funds for another support worker or two, to come to my place, get me going, to encourage & help me while I am at the gym.

I could try out other machines, too.

I'd really like if my current support workers would join me in the gym workout. I'm sure we'd have fun competing, side by side, on matching machines.... [to be continued]

[mmMekitty]

... [big sigh] To continue:

I know I have been depressed, most of my life, I guess. My PDr & I don't talk of diagnoses. It's something I am alert for, because I can easily slip into thinking thoughts much like yours. That stuff sure drags me down & down to where finding anything to hold on to seems near impossible. It becomes a rut we get into. Our bodies feel stuck & our thoughts are stuck, too, going over & over the same old loop.

We have moved on, though. We know more than before, & hopefully, you have people you can call on, to talk to & support you, like I primarily rely on my PDr.

When I'm that far down, my lack of motivation to get up & do anything may be the one thing that helps keep me alive - like, I just couldn't be bothered putting in the effort to, well...you can guess. Time passes then, I sort of drift up to the surface again. As always, all I need to do, is wait.

Also, I try to remember, no matter how I feel, staying in curled up in bed actually doesn't help, but even makes me feel worse, just knowing I'm allowing this misery this space. When I get up, no matter what for, I realise that activity in itself helps me out of that hole.

It's like when I'm feeling cold. Moving gets me warmed up better than huddling in a blanket. Really it does! 

I hear that research tells us exercise has a positive effect on depression. That would be a nice side-effect. So does eating well, apparently. If I actually start feeling happy or more comfortable with myself, doing both the exercise & eating well, which could I say did the trick? & then, would that matter?

I was given exercises, when I had a fall near Xmas 2019, which were part of a falls prevention programme for older people. Then COVID came along & the exercise classes stopped.

It was a good beginning, though I could have been challenged more. It would have been better if I was encouraged to do more.

If only I knew what to say to me, to feel that lasting motivation to keep going for months & years.

Thinking how the food companies manipulate us just like the cigarette companies, is a thought which will help me make better food choices. I feel sure I can resist the junk food, the processed crap food, like I quit smoking in 1995.

Hard to believe, I know, but you, too, are worth it

I'm so grateful for Woofa & his needs getting you out of bed. Mekitty did that for me, too.

mmMekitty

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Paws, mmMeKitty and Everyone…..🤗..

I can relate to your thoughts on doing your housework, gardening and throwing away things, triggering you into s/i thoughts and depression…..When triggered into PTSD depression, I do the same…get everything cleaned up, thrown away things to make it easier on my children after I’m not around anymore….because I fall into s/i thoughts….it’s a cruel cycle to be in. I’m sorry sweetheart this happens to you. 

 It doesn’t matter precious lady, how much or how little we do….Sometimes I just manage to get my bed made, or the dishes washed up, then I’ve had enough, but I say to myself I did something and that’s good enough until I’m able to do more.

Nothing is certain in life sweet Paws…each day we are blessed with, is a day to be lived the best we can….worrying about what MIGHT happen in the future, always takes away from us the day that we are living in…the females of my family all have and so do I heart disease…but I don’t dwell on that…I try to live each day I’m blessed with…the best I can…sometimes my days are lived in PTSD downers, depression, anxiety, full of uncertainty and other times my days are beautiful and peaceful….each day is unpredictable…unique…and our very own…no one can own our day, except us….Please try hard to not anxious thoughts of what MIGHT never happen spoil that day for you and Woofa…

I fought my fear of going into bed, which I get from time to time….and started going into bed again after nearly 8 months of sleeping on the lounge…and have started to go to bed at the same time each night….I set my phone clock to go off an hour before bedtime…I have a cuppa through that hour, turn off everything, light my candles and look for a sleep story I want to hear…then I get myself into bed…I think sometimes we need to set reminders to enable us to know what we need to do…especially our days in depression…

Please my dear friend, stay safe..if you’re not feeling safe….give BB chat line a call…1300 224 636….

Here for you Paws, when you feel up to talking/venting some more….you’re a very much loved part of this beautiful forum family…who we all care greatly for..

Thinking of you with kindness and care Sweet Paws ..♥️🦋…and sending you a gentle and warm hug 🤗 ..

Grandy..

.

[Paw Prints]

No sleep for Paws tonight

I have a snake in my house... last seen in the kitchen... snake catcher has been & couldn't locate it... we think it went up a gap in my kitchen cupboards & in to the space between the top of the cupboard unit & the bench top... the only way to be sure is smashing my kitchen to bits... so I'm on snake watch with instructions to call him if it reappears... I'm hoping it went down the back of the oven & out through where the gas pipes come up through the floor... 

Weird thing... it was the 20the Dec last year when I last had a snake indoors... they didn't find it then either.

[Paw Prints]

Snake update... reappeared this arvo near Woofa's toy box... after 3 hrs I finally got brave enough to trap it under my upturned kitchen bin... snake catcher had lots of call outs today so only got here after 4 hrs... snake now thankfully gone

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Paws,

I am really really happy that they caught the snake…how frightening it would have been for you…I think you should get a bravery award for trapping the snake, no way would have done that…I would have grabbed my dogs and stayed in my car or outside….

When I was living a bit further away on 8 acres…I came home from work and decided to go outside and sit down with a shandy….I opened my back door and nearly stood on a brown snake…I shut my door locked it and was paranoid for the next few months…checking everywhere under my sheets before I got into bed,  in cupboards, wardrobes, in corners under my washing machine, fridge etc everywhere….

I did what you suggested with my little tree, it’s quite soft under the bark, so I added some fertiliser, dug around it carefully, talked to it and said a prayer….My soil is more teeny tiny miniature pebbles with some dirt and clay in it….very very hard…I think your right about my orange trees roots can’t travel because of the hardness of the soil…

I do hope you and Woofa are doing okay…

Pats to Woof and my care, love and hugs to you sweet friend..

Grandy..

[Paw Prints]

Hello Grandy,

Grandy the snake catcher insisted that I keep an eye always on it & take a photo for him or he might not have got to me today as he was prioritising his calls he had so many... I'm still shaky & checking all around even though it's gone... it's weird that even though I watched them take it away I still feel like it is somewhere here... I think I will be on hyper alert for some days... so I understand why you were the same after your encounter... 

Yay!!! 😁 I'm so glad your little tree is still showing signs of life... Woofa & I will keep our paws & fingers crossed it keeps going... oh wow your soil sounds horrible... it must be awful to try to dig holes in... I'm surprised that your plants out the front are doing ok... or did you build the soil up out there?

How are all your bumps & bruises going?

Hugs

Paws

[mmMekitty]

Wishing you, Paws & Woofa, a very Merrry Christmas with some calm & peace aplenty, for now & into the New Year.

Hugzies & nosebops

mmMekitty

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Paws, mmMeKitty and everyone…..🌲🤗..

How are you feeling now the snake has been gone for a while?…

Just popping in sweet friend to wish you and Woofa a very Merry Christmas….and hope that no matter what your doing today, that your day has some peaceful times in it..

Christmas 🌲🤗 hugs for you and Woofa..

Grandy..

[mmMekitty]

Hi Paws & Woofa

Thanks for all your support & encouraging words, & Woofa, especially, thanks for the nosebumps, throughout 2022.

May 2023 see us all healthier & achieving whatever goals we set for ourselves. (That includes Woofa - how many shoes do you plan to demolish this year, & blame on me, this sweet, innocent LRc, just to get more treats? Yep, I'm onto yu, Woofa, but you know, I really don't mind - we keep Paws active, eh?)

First hugzies for you in 2023

mmMekitty