Beyond the Blue Horizon

[amd1953]

I sense that I am approaching the blue horizon.   Even so, it retreats further away from me as if trying to conceal something important from me.   What is there to hide that is worth so much subterfuge?   What is it I need to know in this final stage of life?   Who knows?   Who cares?   Well, I certainly do.   I want to understand everything that comes my way whether it is meant for me or not.   Life is short enough without the sensation of feeling cheated and deceived.   The challenge is to discover how to cut through the nonsense that cloaks its true meaning.   If I were a camel, I would feel at home in the desert.   If I were a dromedary, I would, indeed, feel cheated.   See Wikipedia for camels/dromedaries.   Spoiler alert!   A dromedary only has one hump.   If I were searching for a new home, I would look to the exoplanets.   Cosmologically speaking, a much better place to permanently reside.   The moon would be much too close for comfort.   I am thinking another galaxy would be great.   Certainly within a short drive to the restaurant at the end of the universe for tea and crumpets.   Like Albert Camus, I am a rebel without a cause.   I choose the absurdist rather than the existentialist philosophy.   Everything in this life is engineered towards those with skills, talent and the will to succeed.   I have now lost sight of the blue horizon.   I am in freefall back to earth where I will lie quietly in the lush meadows and star at the blue sky.

amd1953

[amd1953]

If you are feeling anxious and depressed, perhaps the last thing you need to read is a book written by Emil Cioran.   He was a Romanian writer/philosopher who wrote some of the most pessimistic books on the planet, including one entitled 'The Trouble with Being Born'.   However, the book is beautifully written, and it shows what other people have to endure during their lifetime.   I am always interested in what other people have to go through although most of us wouldn't feel compelled to write about it.   I could write a hundred books about my life in the hope that it would help other people.   Unfortunately, I lack the motivation to accomplish such a task, so I come on to the BB forum to try to do it that way.   Litle snippets of experience and knowledge that might just prove useful to someone who is undergoing a similar experience.   Sometimes, when I outline something on here, I think afterwards that nobody would have done what I did anyway.   For example, as a child I was convinced that my life was preordained in some way and that all I had to do was show up and everything would work out fine.   Not so!   In reality, you have to fight for everything you want while trying to assure people that you are worth their time.  Naturally, other people have had a hand in my downfall because I was convinced that everyone had my back.   Not so!   We are in competition with every other person on the planet and they don't always have our best interests at heart.   It would be nifty if we could transfer the history of our lives to a DVD and use them as training tools for the upcoming generation.   Just an idea!

amd1953

[amd1953]

I have had enough of this life, let's move on to the next one.   I am kidding of course.   I've had enough of everyone who thinks that they are better than everyone else.   I've had enough of people who think they are worse than everyone else.    I am tired of any kind of authority.   I am so tired of hearing about politics, religion, economics, global warming, global cooling, the mission to Mars and the mission to the moon.   I hate cars, bikes, trucks and bicycles, people and small children.   Yesterday I had a letter telling me that I had to vote in some forthcoming council election.   I hate them too.   If you don't vote, we'll hit you with a fine and the longer you try to hold out, we'll raise the fine.   We will take you to court, find you guilty and throw you in jail forever.   If you don't pay your annual rates, we'll sell your house and throw you out on the street.   Terrific!

It's wonderful to be alive!

amd1953

[amd1953]

As I bask in the sun of autumn, I feel the world is going to the dogs.   I have a sense of impending doom that will just not go away.   Mood swings have a wider arc now and the duration of them is intolerable.   Depression and anxiety are my constant companions.   I am waiting for something to happen, but I fear that it never will.   Something related to my overall condition of pain and suffering.   Last week, I left my house for the second time this year.   I walked up to the local supermarket and back, a total of four kilometers.   On the way back, I bumped into a neighbour who gave me the news that one of my next-door neighbours had passed away a few weeks earlier.   I am surrounded by an odd synthesis of life and death.   Birth and decay.   Good and evil!

I have panic attacks when I think about going anywhere.   So, I don't.   I hide away in my little house on the prairie, and I plan to do nothing for the foreseeable future.   I am teetering on the edge of the abyss and, as Nietzsche so elegantly put it, if you stare into the abyss, the abyss will stare right back at you.   Why does life have to be so draining and consuming when you are not well?   People are the greatest source of annoyance and irritation.

I would like to see cameras on the moon so that they can look back at the earth and say, I told you so.   There is nothing civilised about civilisation.   It is a thin veneer of delayed progress and hyperbolic nonsense.   Truth will always be a commodity in short supply.   Some people ignore it altogether.   So, let this be my rant today.   Let it be whatever it wishes to be for it has a life of its own.   If birth is the enabler, then death must surely be the cost of living.   

amd1953

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear amd1953…

I am so sorry that you don’t like so many things in this world….especially hating people and small children…

[Ggrand]

Well, I mucked my previous post up….accidentally pressed reply instead of my iPad button…😁…

amd1953….life has lots of ups n down….I remember a few years back, I isolated myself into my home and not going outside at all….I didn’t watch the news, still don’t because I don’t want negativity in my life and news is all negative…I was forced to volunteer or no JobSearch payments, it was a necessity and I had to go out into the scary and cruel world or else my poor dogs and I wouldn’t eat…I did it and that volunteer job made me realise that the world and most people living in it are nice, friendly and some were rude and disrespectful but it taught me that their are kind and caring people out their…I stayed there for nearly 10 years…even after I didn’t have to…because it gave me purpose…I  left at Christmas due to illness and I once again find I’m isolating myself from the outside world…which I’m working on to help me get out at least once a fortnight…

Life can be hard but life can also be nice…I suppose we have to do what we can for ourselves to help us find some peace for ourselves….I sit outfront each morning and have a cup of coffee while my body soaks up the sun, my ears listening to the birds, my eyes watching the clouds slowly drift by, as well as watching the t birds flying around or foraging for food….Maybe I’m being a bad citizen but I’m not interested in any world affairs, ie:- news, political things..they might concern me but I don’t want to know so I have made my own little safe world to live in….

I really felt for you when I read your heartbreaking soulful post and just wanted to give you a gentle 🤗 hug…so you might know that not everyone is bad…and their are caring people in this world..

My kindest thoughts with my care,

Grandy..

[amd1953]

Hiya Grandy,

Only joking about the people and small children.   Honestly, I love children, I eat three for breakfast every morning.

🙂

amd1953

[Ggrand]

Sorry amd1953….my bad for misunderstanding…

[amd1953]

I have a lifetime of experience and knowledge of human behaviour.   By rights, I should be awarded an undergraduate degree in human psychology.   As it really is, I have hardly touched the surface.  Throughout my life I have been both observer and subject.   I have first-hand experience of trying to be nice to people and constantly being rejected as being weak-minded or just plain stupid.   I have spent several minutes in a line of moving traffic, waiting patiently to be allowed to move to the next lane so that I can make a left turn.   I have been forced to wait until someone decided to allow me to make the move.   This has been the story of my life.   Always waiting to be allowed to do something that nobody else wants me to achieve.   I could probably understand if I was a mean-spirited person, but I am not.   I never have been and I never will be focused on my own needs above everyone else.   I have always tried to play the game, but the rules are always changing before I get to make a move.   Are we all so desperate to believe that we cannot allow a little compassion into our lives?   I am not saying that everyone is like that.   I'm simply pointing out that there doesn't always have to be a reward for allowing someone to reach their destination.   Life is nothing without a little empathy.   Or is that just a bridge too far?

amd1953

[therising]

Hi amd1953

What if certain non empathetic non feeling highly competitive self serving people are doing it all wrong and everyone else is feeling the consequences. Sounds plausible. Actually, sounds more than plausible. Btw, such people will tell us we just need to be tougher, more aggressive, less feeling, less caring etc. Ahh, lessons in how to be unfeeling and careless. Hmmm🤔 

Sometimes I find the hardest question to answer is 'How do I manage feeling/sensing so much of what's wrong in this world?'. How do we manage sensing what's heartless, what's way too stressful, what's depressing at times, what's agitating or enraging etc. What to do about being a 'sensitive' (someone who can sense what's wrong and what's right)? Of course, what's right and wrong is subjective. All depends on our beliefs, attitudes and more. But it kind of makes sense that what's 'right' would lead most of us to feel joy, peace, a sense of community (as opposed to separation) and so on.

Human nature is definitely a fascinating thing, that's for sure. How insane is it that we're taught not to automatically trust people. Just think if everyone was trustworthy, there wouldn't be a problem. But not everyone is trustworthy and it's the trusting people who often get slammed for being 'foolish'. How messed up is that, that the trusting people are degraded. Sometimes it feels like the world (in general) has it all backwards and we're living in a kind of backwards world. I think this is what draws me to the more soulful side of life.

Whether it involves books, podcasts, documentaries and stuff along those lines, for myself it's about researching and finding what makes all the difference while living in a backwards world. When to feel and when to not feel, how to feel in constructive ways, how to shift perception in ways that work, how to open the mind in order to be able to imagine or visualise what works etc etc. While I fully respect elements of psychology and even seriously considered studying psychology at some point in my life, I've found psychology does not cover certain elements of human nature. 'How to manage like a pro in a somewhat backwards world, from a deeply soulful perspective', isn't a huge topic in psychology. While the concept of spirituality is not everyone's cup of tea, in the world of spirituality (which can include elements of psychology, biology etc) 'How to manage sensing or being sensitive' is an enormous topic which offers a myriad of ways to manage. I much prefer to imagine and believe there are so many ways to master our ability to sense, as opposed to being led to imagine and believe our sensitivity is our greatest fault. I've found that without ways to master it, sensitivity doesn't just feel like a fault, it can also feel like a curse. We can be left feeling like we are destined to suffer forever through our ability to sense so much. 

PS. Regarding certain hihghly insensitive people, we may say 'I can easily sense your serious lack of compassion. The lack just screams at me'. While some feel the whispers of what's lacking, others feel far more intensely.

[amd1953]

By choice, I would never set foot in my car again.   I would gladly surrender my driver's licence and the registration plates on my car.   If I could, I would never drive again as long as breath exited my body.   Driving any internal combustion engine these days is fraught with hidden dangers.   Let me give you a hypothetical.   You have just taken delivery of a new car, and you are driving home.   You are feeling on top of the world and applauding yourself for such a good deal on the vehicle of your dreams.   The road before you and behind you is clear of traffic.   You settle back in the driver's seat, listening to your favourite song or piece of music on the radio.   You are radiant with peacefulness and happiness, until you glance in your rear-view mirror and see another vehicle approaching.   Immediately your heart starts to race and your palms become sweaty.   You think to yourself that this vehicle is rapidly gaining on you and well over the speed limit.   The car grows larger in the rear-view mirror, and you notice it is one of those boy racer types.

Now, the vehicle is about a foot off your rear bumper, and you wish that it wasn't so far to go to the safety of your driveway.   Suddenly the car veers to the right and swooshes past you, squeezing in between you and the cars in front.   You become angry and think about jamming down on the horn button.   But then you experience a sudden calm, and you retain your grip on the steering wheel.   You realise that exhibiting your anger at some anonymous stranger in a car is not the smartest thing to do.   In fact, it is pointless.  You adjust your speed and maintain a safe distance from the car in front.   Well done, you!   If only all of life's encounters were as simple to deal with.   I do not drive nearly as much as I used to so this scenario now bothers me far less than it did in the past.   When some people sit behind the wheel of a motor vehicle, it is a well-documented fact that they become different people.   They become knights of the road and ready to joust with anyone who dares get in their way.   It is your chance to be the white knight and to treat the encounter with pure clam and control.   One day you could become a late knight if your luck and your temper get the better of you.   Sleep well and prosper!

amd1953