Realism, you are what you are. It's your nature

[white knight]

For those that havent heard of the short story. It was told on the mini series with Nicole Kidman called "The Bangkok Hilton

A scorpion wanted to cross a river. He couldnt find a way. Along came a frog so the scorpion that would normall sting and kill the frog asked the frog if he could ride on the frogs back to get to the other side. The frog refused "you'll sting me and I'll die when we get to the other side" said the frog.  The scorpion pledged he would do that and promised. Finally the frog gave in and the ride went ahead. Just as the frog got to the other side the scorpion stung the frog. As the frog was dying the forg asked- "you stung me and you promised with all of your heart and honour that you wouldnt. "arhh, said the scorpion....but it is my nature"

With all the changes we try to implement in our lives tackling our mental conditions I wonder how much we are trying to change that is in our DNA that shouldnt be focussed upon for change. How much of you isnt right? How much is personality and how much is illness?  Do you trade some of yourself in order to become well? Do you lose yourself amongst the changes that are made in your quest for inner peace?

Sometime ago I had gone through a bad time, for a few months. I was taking medication and it began to work. I was getting therapy and that was working also.  Then a friend told me "You might feel like you are improving but I still see the same confused guy as always, the guy that is loud when it suits him and a bit over the top".  He could have kicg hit me and I'd preferred it. Such was that comment that I recall so vividly. I dont see him now.

What occured was that my friend attacked what I believed to be my personality and not my mental well being and progress. I'm known to be loud when happy, tell jokes and my laugh can be loud. So lets take this a step further hypothetically. If I seek change so much so that my loud laugh goes away....have I helped myself? or have I robbed myself of part of my personality to "get well" eg under so much medication I am no longer me?

I'm not advocating reducing your medication in any way. What I'm asking is, at what point do you (if you do) start to lose your personality? Can you keep all of your "nature" of what is your nature and what is there that seems like your personality but is there due to your illness.

It appears to me that many of us are criticised for our behaviour because we are mentally ill but all along it is not outside normal boundaries of character.

[AGrace]

Hi WK,

First question, are you a fan of Orson Welles or Aesop?

It's an interesting perspective to look at. Do you not think that personalities are constantly evolving regardless of whether we take medication? To me, a person's personality isn't necessarily their innate inner being but a thread of core beliefs, which influences one's thoughts, feelings, and behaviours, that is formed through one's lived experiences and environment.

I'm not sure that there is a point where you lose your personality but your personality can change. I get your theory though, how much of our behaviour is based on just who we are and how much of it is a result of mental illness? Being diagnosed with a Personality Disorder made me ask this question quite a lot some time ago. Google Albert Ellis on Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy. Ellis poses the idea that a lot of distress is caused through irrational core beliefs. You might find his approach to therapy quite interesting:)

AGrace

[NicoleP]

Hi WK

I read what you write and would love to sit down with you and talk for hours.

Does society really allow you to be who you really are? Are we free to express our emotions or is life just a big game that we play? If we react in the right way, we are rewarded. If we react in the wrong way we are punished. The people who are willing to control, manipulate and walk over others, have power over people who are sensitive (as you referred to in your social media post). It seems to me that it is a case of playing the game, or being walked all over.

I have also had my mental health called into question recently when the issue has nothing to do with my mental health but with the fact that I reacted when someone was treating me badly. It was automatically assumed that I had become 'sick' again when I was being picked on by a co-worker (a fact that a mediator acknowledged was occurring).

Sorry - rant over - just in a bit of a rough place with work at the moment and trying to sort things out in my head.

Kezza

[white knight]

Hi Amber and KezzaA,

Amber, I dont believe I've read a book in its entirety in my whole life. For this reason and others I was misdiagnosed with ADHD in 2003. But it is likely mania behind it. Regardless of the reason my focus is poor. Threads here on BB that have a great number of responses are avoided by me for that reason. 5 or 6 replies to that thread I can handle but not many more. Speed reading is my specialty lol. Anyway, I will google what you recommend. I'm sure I'll find it interesting.

KezzaA, that is what I was getting at. that one can be accused for a mental illness trait and it be your normal everyday self. We are often pigeon holed.

Your description of life being a "game" with mingling with people is so true in my eyes. The "masks", the betrayals, the favouritism, the bullying, etc.  I was watching the bachelor last night and he was with one of his girls. This girl is delightful (he'd recently taken her to a race track- Lisa) and at the end of each sentence she giggled. He was worried that during serious conversations she still had the giggle. Sheeesh!  If she didnt laugh she'd be trialled as being too serious and besides it is clear she is nervous. Perhaps this society "game" is one of expectations of how we "should" be.

I enjoy your "rants".

[white knight]

Hi Amber again,

You are so clever. I read wiki on Rational Emotive behavioural therapy etc. REBT. Sooo interesting. To quote:

"REBT framework assumes humans have both inate rational (meaning self helping, social helping and constructive) and irrational (meaning self defeating, social defeating and unhelpful) tendancies and leanings. REBT means people to a large degree conciously or unconciously construct emotional difficulties such as blame and self pity, clinical anger, hurt, guilt, shame, depression and anxiety and behaviours and behaviour tendencies like procrastination, over-compulsiveness, avoidance, addiction and withdrawal by the means of their irrational and self defeating thinking emoting and behaving.

So interesting.

[NicoleP]

Very interesting. But are all these behaviours self defeating. We talk about these things like there is always a right and a wrong answer in life and sometimes there is not. It seems to me that we are always looking for only positive emotions, yet don't irrational emotions/behaviours also have a place in protecting us from harm - whether it be physical or emotional? Isn't it good to avoid some situations? It seems to me that we spend so much time trying to deal with these negative emotions when sometimes I think that we need just to accept that they are part of our lives. It is our choice whether we act on these emotions and how we act on them.

Kezza

[white knight]

Hi KezzaA,

I suppose the angle I'm approaching this is that if someone is allowing their thought patterns to carry on and it is the sort of behaviour that is not helping their cause, to recovery, then they might not be aware that they are being perhaps subconciously counter productive.

Now I'm confused.  🙂