The last few months have been a nightmare. For someone like me, a fairly
jovial and outgoing person to go through the last few months was unfair.
Life is a learning curve for those who were meant to do more!I think
it's time I just became honest.In t...
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The last few months have been a nightmare. For someone like me, a fairly
jovial and outgoing person to go through the last few months was unfair.
Life is a learning curve for those who were meant to do more!I think
it's time I just became honest.In the past few months ... - my 4 year
long-term relationship ended - I began the last practicum and internship
for my Education degree, and completed it - I moved house (back into my
parent's house) - lost my independence - I lost transportation - I've
been in and out of the state - I quit my job - The environment I build,
socially, within the work that I was doing collapsed and I left - I
started anti-depressants - I now have clinical depression... Getting out
of bed everyday is a struggle for those who are suffering with
depression. Something that many people might take for granted. It's
harder when those people don't seek help. I really struggled and hated
that I was around people in that state. I felt like I was just in a
glaze and the world just turned regardless whether I was active in it or
not. In reality, it does. Sometimes life tells us to slow down, take
time to break and step off the treadmill a bit. There's no way none of
the things above would have left a person normal. I understand that now.
It's ok for me to go through tough times, dark times, sad times. It's ok
for my to grieve, to detach, to start new things.It's time I start to
gain my life again. For a time I felt like I didn't, I was doing things
because they had to be done. I wasn't feeling like I was living. I felt
like I could have been doing more things for others and for myself.After
all that went on, I did find light. I found out what my calling really
was - to teach kids. To service them and to give my all into what a
teacher really is. I know deep down that's my passion, which a lot of
the time being depressed, I forget.I found out who my true friends are,
who are really there thinking of me, who are there because they want to
spend time with me and realise I'm going through a tough time in life
and stick by without hesitation. These people deserve the good things in
my life to come! It's a blessing to know who in life is really there,
not just for the drama.It's one thing to come to the realisation that
you need help, it's another to go out there and seek it. I was so lost,
I needed someone else to step in. I needed someone/thing to try and get
me out of whatever dark life I would be living. Self-pity, wallowing and
a life full of doubt isn't something I wanted to tuck away for another
few years, waiting for it to surface again. I now know that I have to
tackle it now and close that book. Some people don't even find that and
continue to life life, in a roundabout, going through the same thing
every now and again and can't get higher.I have baggage I have to deal
with. I have a lot. I now feel like I'm a better person for allowing
myself to deal with it, move on and let go. Deal with it, rather than
hiding or running away from it. One thing that I have learnt, is that
it's ok to do what is best for you!! This is the thing that's slowly
getting me out. I know that the pills are working. Everyday I feel the
side-effects but I'm also getting out of bed. It's ok that I'm not well.
I don't have to always be 'well' in life. Everyone has moments and this
is just one of mine. I hope to get through it learning what I need to
learn, understanding how I cope, working through my issues and learning
to then move forward.There was a time where I couldn't even talk to
anyone about anything. I stopped talking to people I normally did. I
stopped being honest. I started to lie to everyone. I hate that. I've
never been like that. Depression makes you a person that you don't want
to be. It made me not want to be me. I thought I was doing well and all
of a sudden everything slipped away. I lost control of my own emotions,
my thoughts and my head got the better of me. The mind is such a
powerful force, I just let it soak the negative things that were
happening and everything that was dark in my thoughts.I'm young and and
I need to start facing what life has out there for me. I will beat this
moment! I will beat the situation I'm in. I will beat being negative...
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