Family and friends, we seem to tolerate some even though we dont get along.
Imagine you work in an apple factory, your prime responsibility is to polish the apples then sort them. Rotten or bruised are put aside. The good ones are packed and sold.
Not much difference in family's or friends. But many of us keep packaging the bad apples in our relationships. Why?
There are a number of reasons. Fear might be at the top of the tree. Fear of alienation from others as they side with the other party. Fear that you wont find peace after the split. Fear you'll regret your decision.
But you can still polish a rotten apple...just not place it in the box with the good ones. It means pigeon holing the person but not disowning them. This takes a few techniques and practice. You dont want to lie? Eg telling them you are away from your house when you are at home...and they drive by and see you car! And you dont want to be evasive as it could be obvious. What do you do?
What about the truth? ...with a little tact.
You have depression. You know through reading threads here that 80% or more people wont understand your condition. Based on that you are not responsible for educating that 4 in 5 people. Thats for them to learn!
Try these comments
- by all means drop in but if I'm asleep I might not answer the door
- I'm sorry, I'd love to keep chatting but l have to catch up with my auntie I dont like too much controversy, so I'll leave you with that problem between you and our uncle.
If pushed harder say - you have the choice to sort it out directly please dont include me.
- I love your passion but that issue is too close to home.
One technique is to ask a question with a question. Putting it back on them works. "You dont answer you door"...with "how do I answer the door when I'm sleeping". That will prompt questions of your wellness and that is education.
So, you have no fear in being truthful. You arent lying. You arent offensive. Mind you, any words can be chosen to be offensive. But that is their choice. Be nice, it costs nothing.
Mental illness demands a life of tranquility, as close as you can get to it considering your lifestyle. That will mean not putting those bad apples in the box for sale.
But polish them and carefully slide them down the shute towards their own kind. Your life has to be a box of good apples.
Google- Topic: fortress of survival- beyondblue
Surrounded yourself with loved ones with empathy and live in peace.
Tony WK
