Mental Illness and non-believers. How to deal?

[Wizard1]

I mostly write this for the benefit of other as well as myself. My sister committed suicide nearly three years ago. I was once taking to a work colleague (who knew about my sister's suicide) about the topic of mental illness. Her response to me was "this is such a first world problem" meaning only people in the first world would have the time and luxury to develop such problems in theirs head. My response was, "no it is not, you hear about it in the first world because we have resources to deal with it. These problems exist everywhere and most probably exists more so the third world".

Although my response was measured and controlled, internally I was fuming and felt terribly insulted by this. So how would you response to non-believers, the ones who think we should "just get over it"? In other words, how do we educate those who are naive?

[therising]

Hi Wizard1

First, I want to say how sorry I am for your loss, for such a loss is sorrowful. Second, you have great self-control, I must say.

I believe having an understanding comes down to education and/or experience. Whilst those who are educated in the intricate workings of the human brain acknowledge the challenges of mental illness, those with first hand experience live with the challenges daily. And, yes, those left to pick up the pieces after a loved one's suicide also have their own accounts of the impact of mental illness. No education, no experience = no understanding. This pretty much sums it up.

You're spot on when it comes to the global aspect. Trauma related depression, for example, can hit anywhere in the world. It doesn't matter your location, the impact of rape, mental/physical torture or starvation can seriously alter the brain. In first world countries other issues as well come into play regarding depression.

We are living in a society which dictates expectation and performance to a mind-altering extent. It's a society that defines us as 'a success' or 'a failure', as 'socially popular' or 'a social reject', 'beautiful' or 'ugly' and the list goes on and on and on. Our identity (how we identify our self in relation to the world) is often so skewed to the point where we lose sight of our most authentic self. As we struggle with this lost sense of self, we can travel (without full awareness) into a horrible state of grieving over such a loss.

When I hear people say something like 'Depression is an excuse used by people who haven't got their sh%# together', I'll say to them 'Be drunk. C'mon, be drunk, you can do it!' As I explain to them - The chemistry in depression is so different from a non-depressed brain. Saying to someone with depression 'Smile!' is like saying to a sober person 'Be drunk'; it's just not possible for a sober brain to experience the chemistry in regard to being drunk. Not possible! The brain's chemistry in depression is brutal. I've experienced life in both worlds (inside and outside of depression) and it is like night and day.

Some people just aren't interested in expanding their knowledge. They ignore the opportunity for education, which ultimately makes them ignorant.

Yes, people all over the world are seeking help in one way or another, for one reason or another; we are so fortunate in this country to have both access and publicity regarding mental well-being.

Take care Wizard1 throughout your quest to educate

[Croix]

Dear Wizard1~

I'm very sorry about your sister, it changes one's life.

I can totally relate to your conversation with that colleague and I'd be surprised if it was the only one you've had to experience along those lines. Sadly there are still very many people that have their own ideas about mental illness in straight contradiction of the facts.

I do know that unless one has had personal experience it can be hard to understand, however that means one should simply listen and not sound off.

I guess trying to set things straight is often a task too big for the individual. If I think a person will be receptive when the subject comes up I'll say how things are, however I'll not go out of my way to convert difficult people, it is too much of a stressor.

That I leave to organizations such as beyondblue whose task it is to educate the public. Their efforts, plus those of health and educationl departments, governments, other similar organizations plus even movies and TV all have a part to play.

I was born after the war and have found there have been great changes in public perceptions of MH issues and suicide, more and more in recent years. I draw encouragement from that.

I hope here at least you feel welcome and that people understand how things are for you.

Croix

[LavenderTea]

Hey Wizard,

Thanks for your post. I'm really sorry to hear that.

Some people don't understand how difficult losing someone close can be, especially when it involves self-harm or suicide.

Generally, I think education around mental health, mental illness, and suicide can be one way for someone to begin to understand what you're feeling. Sometimes this is not always the easiest thing to do, and having a conversation about this stuff to someone who doesn't know much about it can be difficult, especially when they're not willing to listen or try to understand.

When this isn't an option, then the next best thing to practice is acceptance. This is helpful for a lot of different aspects of life. People are always going to have different opinions, and different outlooks on life, for example with religion, and as you've already realised... mental illness. However this doesn't make your feelings any less valid, it doesn't make your experiences any less important, and it doesn't make the reality of mental illness any less real. Allowing another individual to have their own beliefs is important, but you can always communicate how you feel, as you did in the above situation in a way that isn't blaming or attacking, but just presenting what you believe in.

Hopefully that makes sense,

LT.

[Wizard1]

Thank you therising, Croix and LavenderTea for responding to my thread. You all have been quite touching and have given me something to think about.

I do want to mention that one way I have attempted to educate people is to via my work place. I started a fund raising activity called a bake off. Employees bring in goodies they bake for everyone to enjoy at the cost of one gold coin each. The first one I organised was to donate to beyond blue, this gave me opportunity to tell people my story and to mindful of depression. I even placed a few posters up on mental illness. This I find is great way to educate, raise money and also enjoy a lot of delicious snacks.

I was wondering what have others done to educate people on mental illness? I love to hear about it.

[smallwolf]

Wizard1,

My story will be slightly different to the other posters if only because of my work place, where I work, what I was/am doing, size of the company etc. However this story is one about education of another person. Here goes...

I work in IT for a small company that has offices in a few countries. I was/am a developer and also the go to person if there was a problem anywhere. Of course this would eventually become a problem when I could no longer cope with what was being thrown at me to write or fix. At one time I was also away from work on sick leave for a period of time that was damaging for all concerned. But that was in the past. Around this time I received an email from my boss indicating that I had get over it. A different email I was asked why I worry so much. I wish I didnt. Anyway, one day, I got a message on FB where the same person said that after so many years of working with each other, you could at least talk to me. Suffice to say I was angry at that point. Fuming. But what I did was the call him and for the next hour talked about my problems, including triggers, dreams in which I was suicidal, etc. I dont think he was convinced from the call as an email later left doubts in my mind. Except over the last 6 or so months, when we spoke, he would ask me how I am, and I would tell him another story. One time I asked him whether he had anything to say. He said that he was listening and learning. That might have been the time that things clicked?!? But it took many conversations, over many days, weeks, months to reach this point.

On the flip side there are people who dont know how to react, and for those people after their first reaction I wont say anything again.

As Croix said... unless you have a lived experience it is hard to understand what is going on in the other persons mind.

Tim