Hi, I’m new here! I don’t really know what to say, but I guess I’ll just say what’s on my mind.
I haven’t had a good relationship with my parents since I was little. My mum was always very anxious and impatient with me, while my father was the quiet type and wouldn’t really step in or help me. I have two younger siblings, and my brother used to physically bully me a lot. Whenever I cried, the adults would tell me that I should have fought back instead of crying.
I think that, from then on, I learned to keep everything to myself. Now I’m 26 years old, and I guess those experiences have shaped me into someone who is introverted and doesn’t open up easily to other people.
Ten years ago, I met a guy whom I felt safe enough with to open up and express my feelings freely. My parents didn’t approve of our relationship, but we continued seeing each other. Eventually, he broke up with me because he became too exhausted from dealing with my family.
After the breakup, I struggled with anxiety every day. I couldn’t eat or sleep properly. I tried telling my parents and family about what I was going through, but they brushed it off. I also tried going to a psychologist, but I felt like my feelings and experiences were dismissed there as well.
Eventually, I got through that period by holding on to the belief that everything would be okay and by praying. But after everything that happened, I think I became even more reluctant to express my feelings to other people.
I often feel lonely and long for a genuine connection with someone, but it feels like nothing can fill that emptiness. Sometimes, everything just feels painful.
I have a good friend in my life, and I’m grateful for her, so sometimes I wonder if I’m being ungrateful for still feeling this lonely. I keep asking myself: Why do I still feel this way even though I have a person who cares about me? Is there something wrong with me, or is there a reason I find it so difficult to feel truly connected to others?
