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Letting Go of Perfectionism

Brett
Community Member

Hi All,

I have spoken to a few people about high standards or perfectionism. The link between perfectionism and my mental health has been strong for over two decades. If I don't do a perfect job (in my mind) there is something seriously wrong with me. If someone is looking at me, again, (in my mind) they are srutinising me and there is something seriously wrong with me. I am tired. I am trying to get used to doing a good enough job instead of a perfect job. It is taking time but I am already feeling the benefits. And if someone really is looking or staring at me then so be it; the problem is their's and not mine. My guess is that some of us worry too much about what we do and what other people think. I am not talking about doing the wrong thing or hurting other people. Instead I am talking (actually rambling) about lowering the care factor to a healthy level. If anyone knows more about lowering high or perfectionistic standards, or has something to add, please give me a reply.

Kind Regards,

Brett.  

16 Replies 16

lexy_r
Community Member

Hi Sammy,

Thank you for touching base. It’s taken me 4 psychoglist and many mental health care plans to gain the insights I have.

This has only happened this year, so now I am at least aware of what I’m thinking. So my next steps are changing these thought patterns and identifying my triggers.

It would be awesome to to be able to chat to people here who are experiencing the same thought patterns too.

smallwolf
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi,

I have seeing a psychologist for some time. One of my predispositions is perfectionism. For me, it relates to setting standards that are unreachable. It also is associated with procrastination, putting off or not making decisions etc. Of course, if you dont reach your standards every time you "fail". At least that is what your mind tells you.

So how do you overcome it? By introducing the "imperfection" into your life. One way I do this by writing a haiku poems. There are no real rules to except that it follows the 5-7-5 principle regard syllables per line. So 3 lines, and the 1st line has 5 syllables, the 2nd line has 7 syllables and the last line has 5 syllables. To make it an exercise for imperfection, I give myself 5 minutes. And you cannot rub out, cross out is OK. If you dont finish, you dont finish.

Or take up a hobby that exposes to imperfection and acceptance.

Also, perfectionism is evident (for me) in an all or nothing view in unhelpful thoughts. And then I have to go through a process to reviewing and questioning myself with alternative view and challenges.

Tim

Unbeliever
Community Member

I've always found the concept of "perfection" flawed (ironically).

I've spent a great deal of time thinking about it and no matter which mental path I take I always eventually reach the same point... which is that "perfection is simply not plausible".

For example... my version of what I would consider "perfect" is not yours, nor is it anyone elses. It can't possibly be. Which means that even if you somehow happened to achieve something in a way that you considered to be "perfect"... no-one else would see it that way. Likewise, if you achieved something that someone else considered to be "perfect"... likely you wouldn't see it that way.

Additionally, perfection cannot exist in a static state. The line where "perfection" as even a concept could exist for you or me or anyone else would always be moving. Which would mean that even "perfection" could not last even if it could somehow be achieved.

Because of this the whole concept is flawed. And the pursuit of it in itself can only be folly.

I have also considered this in terms of a "heaven" (which is interpreted by many to be a perfect place of existence). This kind of place isn't possible, unless it exists in a completely different state for each and every entity who ever went there... and it was constant state of change. But even then... only a small part of it would be what an individual interpretes as "perfect", because the majority of it would have to cater for everyone elses "perfection" (which would make it "imperfect" for the rest). And on top of all that... your "perfection" couldn't be shared with anyone else, because it wouldn't be perfect for anyone else... which would mean you could only enjoy it alone. Which again would likely make it "imperfect" again.

Many people consider "balance" to be "perfection". But even what you or I or anyone else considers to be "balanced" would be different to each other. Your interpretation of "perfect balance" would not be the same as anyone elses.

In the end, perfection cannot exist. It is an illusionary concept that humans created to describe the "perfect balance" of their own ever changing state personal biases and individual interpretations.

And therefore deliberately trying to pursue such a flawed concept can only be an utter waste of time.

The only realistic goal can be to do the best that you can do and (if you wish) to try and do improve on your past attempts if you ever do it again in the future.

I guess I'll just add my need to pursue perfection in everything I do to the list of flaws I'm already working on then lol.

In my world, perfection is very much an attainable quality. In as such as, it's possible to achieve perfectly square or perfectly flat, to a point where any variance is beyond negligible. Or more specifically, to a point where all the other corners line up with each other upon final assembly. Which is always handy. Why just today, I adjusted some drawer slides so the drawer just clicks shut perfectly with a gentle push.

I'd even argue there is nothing wrong with the pursuit of perfection, as many have spent entire lifetimes honing their skills in a craft and are driven to great things along the way. But for me, and I suspect others, it becomes a problem when you require it, rather than simply aspire towards it.

I've known for some time that my 'need' for perfection in the results I achieve is stopping me from doing things. And has brought my productivity to a complete halt many times now. It causes me to become stuck on simple decisions and ultimately has become one of the biggest sources of stress and anxiety in my life.

So I am fighting the urge. I constantly remind myself that not everything needs to be perfect. And the functional result I could be achieving will always far outweigh the perfect result I'm procrastinating over.

Anyway, the battle rages on. As Tim suggests above, I've deliberately introduced imperfection into my process, and seek to embrace it's interesting beauty. I don't think I could say I'm winning the battle yet lol.

Skary Bill (and all),

When my psychologist said that I had issues with perfectionism, it was not that I did not believe her, but I needed to find more information on how to overcome. The documentation that I read was from this site...

https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/Resources/Looking-After-Yourself/Perfectionism

If you get a chance it is worth reading. And despite best efforts, I still am and it will take a while to deal with otherwise.

Tim

Looks like some good reading material, thanks Tim.

Bill.

... now I'm just finding it fascinating that a "perfectionist" could have obviously lower standards of perfection than I do.

Thanks, you managed to put a smile on my face. 🙂