Just A Simple Reflection.

[SourceShield]

Morning!

Simply sharing to express, rather than to seek advice.

I'm just asking questions, and your comments are always valuable...even when I'm feeling gruff.

I'm a bit of a lone wolf you see.

Thought I was tough.

I heard a tale the other day that made perfect sense to me, and I wanted to share it with you.

Just too see, what you think of it.

We all have two wolves inside of us, they are always hungry and gnash and growl at each other.

One wolf feeds on our apathy, grief, envy, fear etc...

The other, on our courage, acceptance, joy and compassion etc...

Its not the best wolf that wins the battle within, but the wolf we feed.

The question that begs to be answered of course is, what wolf am I feeding?

Courage looks different on all of us at different times of our life...

Sometimes courage can look like walking away from an abusive relationship, and sometimes its being with the person you love, even if your friends and family don't understand your sexuality.

Acceptance can look like tears of joy or tears of sadness.

I'm just writing because I was told over and over and over again to shut up as a kid, that now I just wanna talk to people...but it has to be healthy talk now.

I've been, what I now recognise as, completely and holistically unwell for all of my life so far.

But thankfully, I now believe...and know for sure that I can be healthy and well.

We all can - In whatever way that looks like for you, and for me...for everyone.

It's not an overnight process, but it does come down to a choice made in a moment.

They never told me that forgiveness is a process, but now I know and I forgive because it does actually feel good for me.

Forgiveness...is selfish, but in a good way.

I reckon.

Its saying, I'm over this kaka, and I am moving on, AND I'm growing from this experience.

It's the ultimate two-finger salute of them all!

Here's something crazy for you...

I currently have a limit of 2500 characters to use when posting - it happens for all newbies, I think, BUT my nutty HFA brain must use ALL the characters, or else it goes cuckoo-bird for a bit.

I'll make the rest of this post as painless as possible!

I'm actually taking the complete mickey out of myself, 'cause at this stage of ones life...its important to accept ones 'crazy' moments.

I have many.

Whats yours?

I have a thing with smells.

Textures...etc etc

I get that you may not want to share your 'crazy' but if you do, keep it clean and safe...

All g.

[SourceShield]

You are a champion!

I'm just about to do something that I am a bit nervy about as well.

Back in NZ - my first 'career' was as a professional performing artist.

I did that from the age of 16yrs to 28yrs.

Thought I was gonna be discovered by Peter Jackson...still waiting but...

Anyway...

I went through a major 'mental breakdown' - as in...one day I just walked out of my granny flat naked - thankfully I was living on my aunts farm, but still...then I crawled up onto the roof of the COWSHED...NAKED...and SANG - AMAZING GRACE to THE COWS...NAKED!!!.

Those poor heifers!!!

And I aint even lying to you at all.

It was a full blown mental breakdown moment for me.

I had burnt out from the lifestyle.

Drugs...a plenty.

And after that I lost my nerve to perform.

As in...after the breakdown, not 'cause I sang to the cows!.

But...

I have decided that I really wanna get on that shed roof again, and sing, dance, entertain and perform again...

Not literally on the shed roof of course..

But...

I really MISS performing.

I'm gonna do it the 'healthy way' this time though.

Me and The Wolfhound...my dog...are gonna busk!

Yep!

I will let you know more as that unfolds...

Wish me luck.

I'm so glad for you - on both fronts...doing something that you were nervy about and not slipping under.

I totally get it.

YouGoYouGoodThing!.

[Kazzl]

Oooh, I do wish you luck SS! Though it's probably not luck you need - more the courage to get back on the horse, or shed or cow ... or something. You know what I mean. I reckon you can do it y'know, and I can't wait to hear more!

Thanks for the chat tonight mate - it was fun. And thank you for your continuing wonderful support throughout the forum.

Sleep well

Kaz

[SourceShield]

Thank You Kaz.

I will gladly accept your well wishes of courage!.

YES.

We can do this!

It has been real fun.

Lets do it again some time.

Sleep well.

RestEasy.

Kaitoa