Intervention from the outside - clinical depression

[brobej15]

The last few months have been a nightmare. For someone like me, a fairly jovial and outgoing person to go through the last few months was unfair. Life is a learning curve for those who were meant to do more!I think it's time I just became honest.In the past few months ...

- my 4 year long-term relationship ended
- I began the last practicum and internship for my Education degree, and completed it
- I moved house (back into my parent's house)
- lost my independence
- I lost transportation
- I've been in and out of the state
- I quit my job
- The environment I build, socially, within the work that I was doing collapsed and I left
- I started anti-depressants
- I now have clinical depression...

Getting out of bed everyday is a struggle for those who are suffering with depression. Something that many people might take for granted. It's harder when those people don't seek help. I really struggled and hated that I was around people in that state. I felt like I was just in a glaze and the world just turned regardless whether I was active in it or not. In reality, it does. 

Sometimes life tells us to slow down, take time to break and step off the treadmill a bit. There's no way none of the things above would have left a person normal. I understand that now. It's ok for me to go through tough times, dark times, sad times. It's ok for my to grieve, to detach, to start new things.It's time I start to gain my life again. 

For a time I felt like I didn't, I was doing things because they had to be done. I wasn't feeling like I was living. I felt like I could have been doing more things for others and for myself.After all that went on, I did find light. I found out what my calling really was - to teach kids. To service them and to give my all into what a teacher really is. I know deep down that's my passion, which a lot of the time being depressed, I forget.I found out who my true friends are, who are really there thinking of me, who are there because they want to spend time with me and realise I'm going through a tough time in life and stick by without hesitation. These people deserve the good things in my life to come! It's a blessing to know who in life is really there, not just for the drama.It's one thing to come to the realisation that you need help, it's another to go out there and seek it. I was so lost, I needed someone else to step in. I needed someone/thing to try and get me out of whatever dark life I would be living.

Self-pity, wallowing and a life full of doubt isn't something I wanted to tuck away for another few years, waiting for it to surface again. I now know that I have to tackle it now and close that book. Some people don't even find that and continue to life life, in a roundabout, going through the same thing every now and again and can't get higher.I have baggage I have to deal with. I have a lot. I now feel like I'm a better person for allowing myself to deal with it, move on and let go. Deal with it, rather than hiding or running away from it.

One thing that I have learnt, is that it's ok to do what is best for you!! This is the thing that's slowly getting me out. I know that the pills are working. Everyday I feel the side-effects but I'm also getting out of bed. It's ok that I'm not well. I don't have to always be 'well' in life. Everyone has moments and this is just one of mine. I hope to get through it learning what I need to learn, understanding how I cope, working through my issues and learning to then move forward.There was a time where I couldn't even talk to anyone about anything. I stopped talking to people I normally did. I stopped being honest. I started to lie to everyone. I hate that. I've never been like that. 

Depression makes you a person that you don't want to be. It made me not want to be me. I thought I was doing well and all of a sudden everything slipped away. I lost control of my own emotions, my thoughts and my head got the better of me. The mind is such a powerful force, I just let it soak the negative things that were happening and everything that was dark in my thoughts.I'm young and and I need to start facing what life has out there for me. I will beat this moment! I will beat the situation I'm in. I will beat being negative...

[Mares73]

 Hi Brobe thanks for sharing your experience & given the strength & insight you show, i believe you will continue on your journey with the hope& courage you clearly have. Geoff my post was called "Finding hope amongst our struggles (for new & old)" & I think it's towards bottom of first page in forum. I think the experiences I shared with Brobe (read above) have perhaps contributed mainly to my PTSD, for example I get very anxious of an evening when it's dark, I have developed a lot of fear in general & my anxiety is constant-like a form of vigilence. I'm always ready to jump at any noise & in constant flight mode where my tummy has constant butterflies & my body is never relaxed. My Psych tested my cortisol levels which are meant to be low in the morning & rise if under stress etc during their day. But she said my cortisol levels are extremely high all the time.Anyway I'd appreciate you reading my above traumas & then my post where I'm sure I had a few questions for you (haven't checked but remember wanting your advice). I thank you Geoff for being such a wise caring person, a mentor for me & I'm sure many others. It's hard when you want to communicate with a specific person- I wish BB had a section where msgs could be left for other members as how do we get to talk unless I jump in on someone's post or start a thread. Maybe I'll ask BB if this could be considered. Anyway thanks to you & a big thanks to Brobe for sharing her story. Love Mares xxx