Intermittent mental disability block

[white knight]

I dont know about others here but I seem to have the above. My direct issue is that sometimes I cannot cope with minor details but that could be an old male thing. But I think its more serious than that. eg

My mother figure passed last January. I'm executor and have to do many tasks soon like empty out her house and huge garage that her husband (passed 2 years ago) filled with machinery and wood for carpentry work. It's a big task. So next month we plan to stay there 4 days and do it all.

My problem isnt the workload ahead but my inability to focus on the details that my wife (bless her heart) sometimes brings up. Eg who are we going to give the glassware to?, the tools, etc maybe we should get the carpets shampooed, do you think we can pressure wash the paint ? and so on. These are normal questions but I shut down as I cant easily cope with thinking about these things. It's like only major things I can plan like boxes, pressure washer and garbage bags to take with us then wait till we get there and then think about how we go about the finer tasks.

When I shut down I tell my wife I cant cope and now she understands but in the past it was too hard for her to comprehend. Another example is finances- I no longer have the ability to think deep while driving the car. If my wife asks me what I spent $98 on two weeks ago my bad memory wont tell me what. If a description isnt possible eg paypal then its anyones guess and if she said "was it for the car"? I begin to get frustrated. Memory loss is a buggar.

One day we had $105 taken out of our account by a company we didnt know, we thought we were scammed. After an hour tracing it etc I recalled where I was at the time and it was at a service station for fuel. But we argued as the car couldnt take such an amount of fuel, so I had to think further. Turned out when you add the 3 pies, 2 sausage rolls, block of chocolate and thick shake it adds up eh. lol. Being eftpos there was only the company name (say Mercury Co) but not a fuel suppliers name eg BP. 

I'm convinced medication over the years is to blame but my dad also had depression and got stressed easily and left such tasks to my mother.

Not my wifes fault BTW. Anyone understand? I cant write things down because I'd have to remember to do that.

TonyWK

[Scared]

I was just thinking the other day when I was thrust with a " things to do list" all of a sudden.  I got anxious and overwhelmed and  then I start becoming confused.  Today for eg. I had washing to do then shopping then shower then wanted to be back home to watch this movie at lunch time.  I couldnt cope with amount of info going into my brain that I just shut down.  And if some one came into that moment I was being overwhelmed I would not be able to connect with them as its like there is not enough of my brain to go around.

Regarding your undertaking about the house that would bury me.  I could work out one part like clean garage but anything else I would need to shut down.

The way I understand myself is simply depression occupies most of my brain and there is little room for anything else.

I realised how much mental work it is carrying depression because when I dont get enough sleep I can feel how heavy the depression is and how much work it takes to carry it all day

[white knight]

So interesting "Scared"

"... there is not enough of my brain to go around."  That's it. And yes if our bucket is full then someone comes along and asks a favour or a direction it overflows.

This must be tough for other people that cant relate.

I recall in my 20's it was never like that, I could store tasks in an office environment and I was a swift worker, a bosses dream them days and each job I had I got a referral and printed reference. Now I cant cope with more than 2 or 3 tasks. It's like the fog people talk about.

Then again I'm a positive person and usually turn things around but this is similar to a physically injury in my head.

Thankyou for your post. It made sense. I hope you are well

TonyWK