I feel so incredibly alone

[Camellias]

Im struggling in so many ways, not sure where to begin....

i have no friends, not even online and I feel so alone. I go to the library everyday feeling so alone.

i have so many medical issues. Ive been on poverty-line newstart allowance since november last year. I am waiting to hear if my disability pension claim has been approved or rejected - the waiting is causing me severe anxiety. Everything is now with the processing team including the last phase gp medical assessment. Im terrified I will be rejected as I am not able to work or study.

The only place I can afford to rent does not allow pets, Im so depressed without an animal in my life. Im struggling so badly with this. I have always had a dog.

I am seeing a lady who often wants time alone, to be with her kids alone and to see her friends alone. Im struggling with this because I feel I am not important, financial or good enough for her to want to spend time with me. She tells me she feels guilty when she needs these things, that it shouldnt be ‘ this difficult or hard’. I wonder what I am doing wrong. I want so much to make her happy.

I hope i can find some friends on here for support, I dont want to be alone like this anymore.

[Summer Rose]

Hi Camellias

I'm really sorry to learn of your struggles and keen to reach out a hand of support and friendship.

I think you've made a smart move posting the way you did, as there are many kind and wonderful people here. There is also a purely social area on the forum, which may be of interest to you.

I love books and libraries and hope yours is terrific. I'm wondering if your library has any clubs or events or volunteer opportunities? If it does, this could provide a way to meet some like-minded people and perhaps start a friendship.

I'm also wondering if you have sought professional help for your anxiety and depression? If not, your GP is the best place to start--with a double appointment so you have plenty of time to talk.

You've got a lot on your plate but you're hanging in there. With the right mental health treatment life can get better.

Kind thoughts to you

[Camellias]

Thank you @Summer Rose

I desperately need a friend and support.

I sought help from my GP last year. The mental health plan didn’t actually help. I know now what I needed is a friend.

I feel so alone, even when sitting amongst books at the library. I have no purpose, no animals to bring me joy.

I just want to thank you for your reply. What is the social area on here which may be of help to me?

I wish so much I had a friend to talk too, I don’t like feeling so alone.

The library is the only place I can go I know of here where I live.

[Summer Rose]

Hi Camellias

If you look under the tab "all posts", you will find the "BB Social Zone". Have a look through there and join in wherever you like.

I hear you about your first experience with your gp. But I would really encourage you to keep trying. It's hard (I know because I have been there) but it can really pay off. With the right treatment, most people do recover from depression and anxiety.

I hear you about needing a friend, too. Libraries are wonderful but hard to start up a conversation with a fellow book lover, as per the need to be quiet. That's why it might help to see if there are any clubs, reading groups or volunteer opportunities at your library. At least you would have something in common with the people you would meet. It's a start.

Making friends as an adult is hard. I have always found neighbors a great source of friendship. And I always make the most of casual encounters. Just having a chat with your barista or the person at the post office or grocery store can really brighten your day.

Maybe visiting your local dog park would help. Take some treats and share them with the dogs you meet. You might find a nice conversation with the owner follows.

Of course, posting here is also a source of social interaction and support. I am happy to chat anytime.

By way of introduction, I'm an old writer who through life as found myself owning and helping to run a business. Married 30 years, adult children. Very pleased to meet you.

Kind thoughts to you

[B_bear]

Hi there Camellias. I’m sorry to hear about your situation. I was thinking volunteering at an animal shelter might be a good idea. Giving back always seems to lift ones spirits plus since you love animals you would get to spend time with a heap of fury friends as well as meeting new people. If this isn’t for you there are a ton of other avenues to meet people depending on your age and interests. I hope it works out for you mate.

[Camellias]

Hi Summer Rose

It is nice to meet you too. I feel very honoured that there are kind people like yourself on here, offering their time to assist others.

I would feel a purpose visiting dog shelter as much as possible however where I live it’s 1-2 hours drive to the nearest one. Due to my health I’m unable to do this, very upsetting as I know I connect so well with animals and Im sure they need cuddles as much as I do.

I try to talk to people I pass with dogs but they generally like to keep to themselves. I don’t know of any dog parks nearby, that would have been nice too.

I hope I can find support here I need it almost daily. I’m sure so many folks have friends and family to support them, I just seem to be in the dark compared to most.

Its so hard to meet people or make friends as an adult. I always had a dog to break that silence and meet new people. It seemed to cancel out my health barriers and people would just focus on my dog. Not many people want to stop to talk to a lonely 40’s something guy.

i love gardening and animals. I’ve lived in this place for a year and I still cannot find anyone to connect with.

Everywhere I look is now filled with memories of a relationship I can no longer steer right. I need purpose as I’m no longer needed and cast aside, I now feel helplessly lost and discarded.

I wish I was as accomplished as you are Summer Rose with grown children, happy marriage and your own business. Mostly I wish I just had friends.

[Camellias]

Hi B bear

Thanks for reaching out. It would be just great to visit a animal shelter something I’d feel a good sense of purpose with. It’s just that there isn’t any nearby. There isn’t much around where I live. Driving is difficult now as is public transport. I try to find local avenues something to do with animals or gardening. So far I’ve been out of luck.

Ive always had dogs for as long as I can remember. I had to find somewhere to live ASAP last year and the only place I could afford does not allow any pets so this has lead to a great deep hole in my life. It makes it harder for me to approach people, start conversations etc.

Im not able to work or study. What I enjoy about animals is so many things but mostly how you don’t need money to enjoy their company. It’s just pure TLC.

I’m stuck where I am. Today it’s a beautiful day outside and I’m stuck inside.

Id even settle for a cat but then I’d be evicted. And we all need a roof over our head.

Thanks for the chat mate

[Birdy77]

Dear Camellias,

Hello again 😊

If there is a local Neighbourhood Centre in your area, you could volunteer your time to visit socially isolated people, or go to the library for them, or do their weeding/gardening for them?

If there is a Community Garden closeby that would be a lovely place for you to spend time, doing some gardening and meeting like-minded people.

If there is a home for the elderly in your vicinity, you could offer to visit a resident who has no family, maybe read to them or play cards with them?

It's so hard being lonely and feeling disconnected. The above ideas are things that helped me when I moved to a new area where I knew nobody and felt lost. I love gardening too 😊

🌻birdy

[Camellias]

Hi Birdy - again 🙂

It sure is hard to find your place when in a new area. It is a lovely place to live but I’m very lonely.

There is a local neighbourhood garden centre, where I could help on the gardens. The only reason I have not helped there is because the form i have to complete for insurance purposes is very intrusive. It’s the only reason I have not gone there often.

I thought I had found peace living here, at my own apartment but in the same town as my girlfriend, her kids. I thought I was slowly becoming apart of their world and becoming a family. Im still thinking about your post and how spot on you were earlier, how you understood so well. I wish we lived close so I could chat with you as it is so hard to find someone who has been through the same things. You’ve even gone through the whole new town, loneliness, disconnected situation.

I know I need help to get through this.

I miss having a large garden to maintain and grow things. I was helping my girlfriend with hers, again I think she thought I was taking over that too so I stopped helping her.

What is your favourite things to garden?

🌺

[Birdy77]

Dear Camellias,

That is the wonderful thing about these forums is that no matter where we are in this country, we can chat and get some support and different perspectives from those who have experienced similar things or who have an understanding or just the heart to listen to our innermost thoughts and worries. It's a special place.

What a pain that the Community Garden has all those forms to fill in (or maybe it's a retail garden centre, which I would kinda understand?). The one i hardened at was really cruisy, when it was chilly we lit a fire and shared soup. Pretty nice 😊. Loads of introverts too, extra awesome.

I can understand missing your big garden. The block on which your apartment sits, is there scope to dig a little patch and sow some flower seeds? Set up a composting area? Build a vegetable patch? You might need to ask, no harm in trying?

In dire need of a garden space, I once spruced up the planter boxes at the local train station/village shops. From memory I think I wrote an email to the council, offered my time and labour if they covered the cost of some potting mix and seedlings for flowers.

You could also put a little notice at the shops (people still read them!) offering voluntary gardening for the elderly for an hour a week or something?

I especially love my vegetable patch, and am a bit obsessed with growing my own garlic and greens (all kinds of herbs, rocket, sliverbeet, beetroot, asparagus, book choy etc) as these are so expensive to buy and easy to grow. I always try to have flowers in at least a small patch through all seasons for the bees. I have recently planted avocados and and going to try espalier one up a fence (never done it, could be a disaster!).

I also love perennials and trees ... I just love growing plants!

What about you, what are your favourite things to grow and nurture?

🌻birdy