How do you cope with the uncertainty and unpredictability of life

CatLover88 · ‎24-08-2015

I'm working through the modules in a self-help course for Generalised Anxiety Disorder and I'm currently looking at a module about accepting uncertainty.

How do you cope with the uncertainty and unpredictability of life? Any tips or tricks would be greatly appreciated!

white knight · ‎24-08-2015

Hi Catlover88, welcome.

"How do we cope with the uncertainty and unpredictability of life" Good question.

I have a friend in his mid 70's. His wife has had 3 bouts of cancer. Each time I've rung him to support him he has been incredibly composed. I asked him the last time "How do you cope without breaking down"...his answer "what can I do about it".

It's a relevant answer. When we have no control over a situation, be it a death of a loved one, loss of job, child on drugs...you can do your best but it comes a time when you have to accept that you cant "save the world"...you can only save what you are capable of saving. Beyond that point of your own personal ability to help/comfort is only guilt of not being able to do enough. My friend clearly has a hold on this, he has accepted that breaking down doesn't help anyone, feeling guilty doesnt help anyone and the worse thing that can happen is for the supporter to lose their control of themselves.

Sounds good in theory...in practice its a different matter. There is the other extreme of an individuals emotional control. After all we are all different. While my friends abilities are his alone, mine is different and yours is to.

Life throws things at us right throughout our lives. If we semi expect tragedy every 10 years then we will cope with it a little better. If we constantly strive for a tragedy free life or simply don't think about the possibilities of life's hurdles then it will hit harder.

So coping with unpredictability's of life is easier I believe if we accept life for what it is...as an unpredictable thing. If we do that then we then can only help ourselves better by creating a cushion in preparation for the down times. Like- having good quality close friends and family around us, discarding those in our life that potentially cause harm and trouble, some financial security and so on. Essentially organising your life to lessen the impact of the days in life when you only want and need the best around you. This is needed for those with mental illness IMO as we are often people of extremes. We need to put in safe guards more often.

Essentially there is no escaping life's issues. Better to embrace and accept them and soften the blows by surrounding yourself with people that really care. Caring for them is just as important not only for their sake but giving as part of our daily attitude also helps us find meaning in life. This meaning is fulfilment.

Tony WK

BKYTH · ‎24-08-2015

White Knight said essentially what I was going to say when I read your post. You don't cope with uncertainty you accept it. There are tips that can be offered but no "tricks" - There is seemingly paradoxical statement that has been expressed in different ways. One being that 'the only certain thing in life is uncertainty' or, ' constant change is here to stay', that is, that constant change is an unchangeable aspect of life. For myself I examine the world I see around me. I examine its nature and how it functions. When I do that I see that we should not take anything for granted. When I watch the news and hear what occurs in the world generally and the impact that those occurrences have on the lives of people I come to understand, and to accept, what is revealed to me. If we wish for predictability and certainty then we will be disappointed because it will always elude us. It is not those two things that we require but the awareness of, and understanding, of how things actually are and developing the means whereby we can live effectively in the situation we find ourselves in. Acceptance is the most important thing because all of us will be confronted with situations that we would not choose for ourselves. I use a number of strategies that I find helpful but you must develop your own and I suggest you begin by seeing things for what they are, and not, as you would have them. It will take courage to do that but life requires us to be brave. Perhaps you will find, as I have, that adversity does not diminish the soul in the slightest but offers to it a depth of richness whereby we become more than we could ever have been without it. Philip.

Guest_9466 · ‎02-09-2015

Such a relevant question to ask and it applies to me right now, as I am feeling pretty overwhelmed by life's events which I have accepted that I have no control over. There are a few strategies that I used but at times, I need to be reminded of them.

Learning and relearning to live one day at a time but when overwhelmed, one hour at a time. Trying to remain in the present. If I can stay in the present, I find the future less daunting.

My biggest challenge at the moment is stopping the constant chattering in my mind, especially the negative thoughts.....going over and over again past mistakes. For that, I used a simple phrase such as 'Be still'. I would say that over and over again as well as learning to breathe deeply.

Retaining a sense of humour helps too but only if I do not allow myself to be overwhelmed by events that I know is outside my control.

Thank you for the opportunity to share.

gulnar · ‎26-03-2017

It's a relevant answer. When we have no control over a situation, be it a death of a loved one, loss of job, child on drugs...you can do your best but it comes a time when you have to accept that you cant "save the world"...you can only save what you are capable of saving. Beyond that point of your own personal ability to help/comfort is only guilt of not being able to do enough. My friend clearly has a hold on this, he has accepted that breaking down doesn't help anyone, feeling guilty doesnt help anyone and the worse thing that can happen is for the supporter to lose their control of themselves.

Essentially there is no escaping life's issues. Better to embrace and accept them and soften the blows by surrounding yourself with people that really care. Caring for them is just as important not only for their sake but giving as part of our daily attitude also helps us find meaning in life. This meaning is fulfilment

Jessicatherese94 · ‎06-04-2017

Hey CatLover88. Life is super unpredictable and we absolutely cannot control everything that happens, you're certainly right about that. I have an anxiety disorder and absolutely want to feel like I know what will happen in the future so I can prepare myself for it, but it really isn't about learning how to cope with uncertainty but accepting that anything can change at any given moment. I think if you work on managing your anxiety, surround yourself with people who love you, accept that you can't prepare for anything then you will be better equipped to deal with an event that is challenging. All the best.