Home from hospital

[Jo3]

To all my dear friends

I came home this afternoon from being in hospital for 10 days.  I wish it was longer but unfortunately I have to go back to work on Monday because of finance stress.  I know, you're all probably saying - "Jo you should have stayed longer" - I really wish I could have but there was no other way.

I have had a good break from the family, lots of time to myself reflecting back at the day's therapy sessions, psych session and just talking to the other patients.  I met some amazing people who all have their own struggles, but we were all there for each other either laughing together or crying together or even just giving someone a hug.

This morning was hard for me because I had to say goodbye to these people; I had two anxiety attacks one this morning and another at lunchtime.  But I ended up seeing my psych and got a call from my therapist who both gave me support and encouragement to keep going, giving me strength because they know that I can do it.

As much as this sounds horrible - I really did enjoy my break, it was time away for me and me only; no one else.  I didn't have cook, didn't have to organise my day because that was taken care of. 

So back home now, I need to focus on taking slow steps to getting back into the swing of things; I will take this weekend slow, ease my way back into work and hopefully be fine.  My boss has been very supportive and he knows the situation; it's just the other staff that will be questioning me on Monday.

I hope everyone is doing okay, I will try to get to reply to some over the weekend.

 Jo xxx

[BeeGee]

Even though you would have liked more time it's great that you are able to be thankful for what you had, and feel that you've had some benefit from it.

I wonder if having a prepared spiel in your head for your work colleagues might help?  That way you won't be stuck on the spur of the moment trying to find the words for how much you want to share with them.  Awesome that you have a supportive boss, that can be pretty rare so that's a fantastic thing.

Love to you for your return to work.  I hope you have a really positive and affirming week!

BG.

[Jo3]

Hi BeeGee

I was just thinking to myself what am I going to say tomorrow to the staff. Because I know they will all want to know what was wrong.  So I thought instead of hiding my depression to everyone, I am going to say that I am suffering depression and needed a break.  That's it, nothing more, nothing less.  They don't need to know where I was, and that way I don't have to be worried about telling people - yes I have depression.

Thanks for your kind words and wishing me well for the week at work.

Jo

[BeeGee]

That sounds like an excellent plan.

At the risk of overcomplicating things, it might be worth thinking about how to respond to the inevitable questions that will follow - it could be as simple as "thank you for your concern, but I'm not ready to talk further about it just yet", or whatever expresses where you are at.  I think people are becoming aware enough of depression that they will accept and respect the place you are in.

Don't forget to scream at us here if people annoy you.  You might not be able to say what you really want to to their faces, but you can certainly let fly here!

[Jo3]

Bee Gee

The more I think about work tomorrow the more I am stressing and feeling anxious.  I know I will be a nervous wreck in the morning but I will keep to my words and tell them exactly that.  Yes good idea - i will say thanks for thinking of me and keep it short, no need to go into detail.  

And yep maybe by tomorrow afternoon when I finish work I will need to come on here and yell and vent.

Usually when I am depressed and at work I tend to stay on my own and withdraw from rest of staff.  I have a feeling I will be doing this tomorrow.

I'll let you know how work goes tomorrow.

Jo

[AGrace]

Hi Jo,

I think I may have commented in someone else's thread to welcome you home. But I'll say it hear once again. I hope the weekend has been as relaxing as you'd hoped. 

I always find when I come out of hospital there's so much to do, so much to catch up on. If this is how you're feeling just remember there's always tomorrow. Nothing is so important that it needs to be done right now.

How is your husband going with having you home?

Did you manage to change your outlook on checking your mobile phone constantly?

Perhaps think of some really nice things you can do after work so you've got some things to look forward to at the end of the day.

We just arrived back from Langkawi on Friday so I too am easing myself back into things. Sadly I don't think I've been accepted into the September round of DBT and will probably have to wait until January to start. I've been feeling a little strange of late, like I've been having so many good days I'm starting to feel like am I better? Do other people wonder why I'm not looking for work if I'm better? Is this it now? I'm a little nervous about the fact that this feeling could be too good to be true, maybe it's just the calm before another storm.

Anyway, it's good to have you back posting here. Do you mind me asking which hospital you go to?

AGrace

[Jo3]

Hi Amber

I'm glad you had a great time away.  From the moment I came home Friday night I started to clean, but then I hit a wall and stopped, I was too tired.  Yesterday I started to do more and had to stop again in the afternoon as I was too exhausted.  While in hospital they found out that I am very anaemic.  So that's why I am exhausted all the time, On medication now.  I am only doing what I can only do, so today I rested most of the afternoon.

My husband is happy to have me home, I just need to ease myself back slowly.  Not looking forward to work tomorrow, am feeling quite anxious now. 

I wrote a post under Anxiety reg, my phone and what happened in hospital, you might want to read it.

I have posted you a reply in the BPD forum regarding hospital.

Hope to chat again soon

Take care

Jo xx

[Neil_1]

Dear Jo

Hey there mate - it's good to read that you're now back - and welcome back to you.

Great to read of Bee Gee and Amber's posts to you (and holy smoke, Amber, just a quick diversion - you're back from your hol already).

Jo, I'm pleased that you found your hospital visit to be beneficial to you.  The OTHER thing that I was so pleased to read was that your boss is supportive of you and you know, that's gotta be a huge load off your mind.

With regard to the other staff, as you know, your boss is supportive of you and has your back, so with that, just tell them what you were thinking of telling them.  No need to tell them you were in hospital.  Just that you have depression and you had to have some time away for a little while - just to help yourself.  No more, no less than that.

As you've said, when you're in a bad place at work, you find yourself withdrawing from the other staff - well, when you (or should I say, IF you) do that tomorrow or at any other time in the future, that will perhaps give the other staff the idea of why.

Who knows out of this also, you may find one or two who could become not only work colleagues but genuine and caring friends.  Just a thought.

Again, welcome back Jo - and one last thing, similar to what Amber asked - were your family allowed and indeed, did they visit you while you were in hospital?

Neil

[Jo3]

Hey Neil

I'm so glad to be chatting with you.  I missed you while away.  I forgot to mention - yes my husband and children came to visit and my mum (yes my mum!!) phoned me every single day, I repeat EVERY SINGLE DAY!!

I was very anxious in telling her I was in hospital, not telling her for 2 days but then thought I will tell her, so I called and to my shock she seems concerned that my depression is bad as it is.  It was nice to know that she was thinking of me and wanting to know how I was coping.

 Although she called every day I am still not going to get "too close" because I still feel that she has a hidden agenda for "one day".  but I am not going to worry for that because for now she is being nice so I will go with the flow.

Neil, how are you going, how is your son? Did he have a good time away? And I'm sure your partner and daughter had a great time,

Take care my friend, thanks for your message

Jo xxx

[AGrace]

Hi Neil,

Yep, back from my holiday already, we were only away for 9 days...but it was absolute bliss!! If you've never been before put Langkawi on your list of must see destinations. Our resort was incredible. The people are really friendly, life was really simple. I think I had 4 full body massages, a salt scrub, a seaweed body wrap, and a facial while I was there. We forget too easily how nice it is to be pampered. Everything is really cheap there too. Sadly in aid of my habit cigarettes are only about $2 per pack. Everything on the island is duty free. 

We are already looking at where we can go next, AirAsia have incredible package deals to plenty of destinations in Asia, and they're a great company to fly with. Our entire trip including flights, accomodation, spa treatments, meals, and spending money cost less than $2000. We're thinking maybe Penang or Borneo next, Kotakinabalu looks amazing.

I think private health insurance should fund one pampering holiday experience per year. It would save them a lot of money:))

Sorry for the diversion Jo, hope I haven't made you jealous. I know it's very inconsiderate of me going on holiday while you were in hospital;)

Amber