Cut the rope that binds you

[Luke_4_you]

I thought about my life & when I was young, I often focussed on the trials of life. I didn’t understand that so often a fear or doubt was “tied”, like an invisible rope, back to hurts or “bad times” of the past. This “rope” would control my life. Conscious efforts to overcome it would not work. A few years ago I realised that what controlled me were lies or deceptions that drew my focus to the “ropes”, and that the “ropes” could be cut.
I was able to understand that the hurts, lies, mis-use, manipulation, etc. throughout life often resulted in resentments against the people responsible. Often, old hurts, etc. were hidden and I no longer consciously thought about them.
Quite a few years ago I was given a Christian brochure. "Forgiveness is the power that heals!" ... very simply, if you put your trust in God to accept your forgiveness of those who have wronged you, He will help you with many other benefits. A few days later I opened the brochure and home alone, I decided, "I will give this a go!" I took a large pad and pen and looked up and said, "God, I think I have forgiven everyone, but please reveal to me the names of anyone I need to forgive!"

Almost immediately "Your grandparents", came into my thoughts. My reply was, "What do I have to forgive them for, they died before I was born?" Immediately I "heard", "Because you were cranky at them dying, because you didn't have grandparents like other children!" ... I thought, "Correct!" and started the list.
Over the next hour or so I listed about 30 names (including myself a few times) ... I was amazed how I could recall the names and the circumstances. I then "pictured (as best as I could recall)" each person coming to me. I advised them that I forgave them and told them of the incident(s) that caused me to be hurt. I then directed them to Jesus, Who was sitting on a seat nearby, “He will forgive you as well.”
It took over 2 hours to go through the list. The result, from that day, not a headache, a cold nor a twinge from a previous crippling backache, nor any other illness.
I gave it “a go” and I received amazing results. The brochure I read is available off the internet. Simply key in "Forgiveness the power that
heals".(it was created by Dick Innes, an Australian now living in California). I believed it was going to work and I received! All those ropes/ties holding me back were cut . I didn’t look back, I just keep giving thanks and forgiving anyone else that does me wrong.

[Ken1]

What an amazing story and so thrilled that you were able to forgive so many with such a simple act! The power of forgiveness, hey - and the power of Jesus too (if that's what you believe)!

Thank you for sharing this story with us, Luke 4 you. It's incredible to hear of something like this and I think faith and religion can be a scary place to turn to when you've struggled with mental illness but it's not to say that you won't find answers there.

In keeping with the tone of the site and allowing any other readers to feel free to develop their own opinions, can I ask if you've come across anything else since that has helped you? Whether related to this brochure or not? Would love to know more and encourage others to give things a "go" like you describe!

[CMF]

Hi Luke,

What a beautiful story, thank you for sharing. I am not a very forgiving person, i really struggle with it as i feel it means 'they win' especially if they cannot acknowledge their wrong doings.

I will be googling the site you suggested, thank you.

cmf

[JessF]

Hello Luke, that is a powerful story, although I am not religious myself. What I take from your post is that a big part of that forgiveness is 'letting go' of the hurt, as you realised that it no longer serves any purpose for you.

I have a slighttly differnet take on the use of 'forgiveness' itself, though. Sometimes I think it's important for reflection that if we are upset about something, from a relationship breakdown through to the example you used about being angry over a loved one being deceased and not there for you, is forgiveness always the right path? Forgiveness suggests blame, and wrongdoing, and in some cases a situation is nobody's fault, or we are equally culpable ourselves.

For me, I have found a two-stage process of 'ownership' - recognising that these feelings are mine, and mine alone, and may or not be valid...and then 'letting go' has had the same outcome.

[White_Rose]

Dear Luke

Hello and welcome to Beyond Blue. You have written a powerful post and in a situation that many people would have shied away from. Congratulations.

I think the concept of forgiveness is a tricky one to explain. I hope I can give you a clear explanation of how I see it.

Forgiveness is not a get out of jail free card. The person or persons who have harmed you in some way are not let off the hook. In fact they do not even need to know you have forgiven them. Sometimes a person(s) has done nothing wrong in the conventional sense, such as your grandparents dying before you had a chance to know them. I'm sure they would have like to live longer and see you grow up.

JessF has summed it up when she says, For me, I have found a two-stage process of 'ownership' - recognising that these feelings are mine, and mine alone, which you have done by acknowledging the people you want to forgive, and then consciously forgiving them. It is not for the sake of of the people who are being forgiven, it is for your sake, for your peace of mind.

CMF has said she is not a forgiving person, as i feel it means 'they win' especially if they cannot acknowledge their wrong doings. Forgiveness does not need the other person to acknowledge their wrong doing or ask for forgiveness, and in some the person has died and so cannot ask. It is about you recognising the harm and hurt being done to you by hanging on to these feelings. We hoard them around ourselves and bring them out to brood over at times. It is no help to us to stay in that place and can make us very bitter about our lives.

You have done the right thing here by listing and acknowledging your hurts and the people who caused them, whether deliberately or not. And that is a massive step to take. It is really fantastic and will serve you well in the future. Yes people hurt us but we have the power to refuse that hurt. We are in control of our own lives in that respect.

You have a great insight into how we drag our pains around with us and blame others for 'making' us do it. Thank you for your post. I consider myself a Christian and I still struggle with forgiveness even though I know it is the way I think and the way I allow hurts into my life. Thanks for the reminder.

Please continue posting here if you would like to do this. Love to continue chatting with you.

Mary

[geoff]

hi Luke, an interesting post, but as I'm a non believer we could spend hours debating this topic, which I have done with my ex-wife many times, but all we do is go around in circles, both believing that we are correct.
I will never blame or criticise anybody who believes in any faith or religion, that's not my objective, as each and everyone of us are entitled to have a faith in what they have either been brought up in or who have learned along the way to need a religion for support and comfort, but I refuse to talk to anybody who comes knocking on my door, I take this as an intrusion to my privacy.
Forgiveness to me means an entirely different approach, and even if someone has rectified their wrong, I still don't accept their forgiveness, simply because that's something they knew was wrong and should never have done, who else have they done wrong by and whether they have also rectified these problems, or do they wait until they are caught.
No offense in any way, and hope I haven't offended you or anyone else. Geoff.

[Starwolf]

Hi Luke 4 you, good to meet you.

Thank you for sharing your experience with us.

I am not a religious person at all but what leapt at me from your post was your view on the healing power of forgiveness. I totally agree that it is a key factor in recovery.

This power became real to me when I forgave those responsible for a childhood and youth of abuse allsorts. What brought on forgiveness was the understanding that those people's actions had been caused by their own tumultuous inner world and their inability to acknowledge and/or process their own "demons". They just didn't have the inner resources to do so.

Just like it took me time and a lot of mind work to acknowledge and process the damage I suffered at their hands. Struggling with my issues made me understand that theirs. Which means I forgave myself first. As you so rightly pointed out, I too found it liberating.

So my experience of forgiveness came about in a different way than yours. But no matter how it did, the same positive result was healing via compassion.

[Guest_1055]

Hello Luke,

Thankyou so much for your kindness that you gave in wanting to share this, probably in hope that it will help someone else.

I have done a similar thing to you in the past. It definitely does something to our own hearts. It is not like one is excusing the person who has wronged you. Or like saying they did nothing wrong. But for me choosing to forgive sort of sets you free. Free from resentment or bitterness. Bitterness feels like a poison to me inside my very soul. I find if I choose not to forgive so and so, my very being can easily fall into the trap of self pity, the bitterness can even grow into anger towards that person.

So for choosing to forgive you are doing it for yourself really. So yes it does bring healing.

Last night somebody hurt me in an emotional type way. Not only that I could feel the stirrings of not a nice feeling towards them. I slammed the door even. Anyway I was going out somewhere, so whilst driving along feeling hurt and a bit of angry feelings as well. I drove for a bit stewing in my angry feelings and crying. After a bit, I just cried out "it hurts, it hurts". So admitting and acknowledging that you feel hurt, angry or whatever at the wrong done do you, is the first step. Then you choose to forgive the person, this is not saying they did no wrong at all to you. Because they did. Anyway as soon as I spoke out I forgive this person, the hurt and anger in me went away pretty much straight away this time. Though other times it has taken a while for the painfully hurt heart to heal.

Thanks again Luke....

[CMF]

This topic of forgiveness has got me thinking. I've realised i do forgive and move on i am also able to move on without forgiving and have done so many times. Forgiveness is ok in a one of situation which is done and finished and you move forward. The problem is, when person sees their hurtful actions as 'normal' behaviour and they inflict ot on others also, then forgiving that behaviour can mean allowing them to do it over and over. I do believe in moving on but i don't think you always need to forgive to do that, unless of course the behaviour is totally out of their control. If it is blatant disrespect, then no.

[Doolhof]

Hi Luke,

Welcome to the community here. I would like to thank you for your post. It reminded me I need to be more active in letting go of the hurts I have inside, to allow love to enter in and to let go of bitterness and hurt.

You have received many replies here. Forgiveness can mean something different to us all, as can faith/believing/choosing what we feel drives the universe/our own power and so on.

As a Christian I appreciate the title of the brochure you were given " Forgiveness is the power that heals". The Bible does explain God's forgiveness in a very beautiful way.

I know many people here are not Christians, and that is fine. I have family members who believe in witches and warlocks, who find solace in alcohol and drugs, who believe in aliens and so on. I do not judge any of them.

God works for me as does forgiveness. For others that may well not be the case. We don't all have to believe the same thing.

I just want to thank you for your post!

Cheers to you from Mrs. D.