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coping with years of depression A mother’s fight over the years with depression, facing my fears and opening up
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I wasn’t one to share my feelings and for weeks I was writing this in my head, not that I’m a writer but I needed to get it all out, and when I did a felt like I was free, I posted this on face book to all my family and friends, the love and support I got and stories they told me or going though something like I did at some point, I have to share it with the world too
A mother’s fight over the years with depression, facing my fears and opening up
can't remember when I was truly happy with me, I think it would have been about the age of 21 was truly happy, fit, healthy just loving life and everything about it,
It all became a blur, crying one moment, yelling the next, not able to sleep then get up in the morning nearly impossible
I became one of the many that get a mental illness
I lost control having depression, one day it all just got to much, trying to
cope with everything nothing going right, i sat on the floor and just cried for
hours, my children didn't know what to do but hug me,
I kept it from my husband, but he new there was something not right,
I kept it from my friends they didn't know how I felt or so
I thought
I was lying not just to myself but to the world, the friendly out going girl
that was full of confidence that everybody know and loved was just me covering
up a side of depression and anxiety, that was taking over me this had to stop
and stop now
I think It really begun at the age of 14 being teased horribly by some girls at
my school, to the point I left the school, but didn't know I was depressed back
then,
after meeting my birth mother at the age of 16, I got a little more depressed
not knowing where I fit in and who I really was, I knew I was adopted but I
think I really didn't know at the time how I'd feel or how I would react to
meeting her
Then my best friend passed away 5 days before I had my first child
But wasn't till I had my first child I was diagnosed with depression for the
first time at the age of 23
I couldn't believe it, after 4 months of my daughter not sleeping more then an
hour at a time day or night I lost the plot, we went to sleep school with her
for help & i was put on meds by the doctor to cope with my life, was on
them about a year looking back now I should have stay on them because I
relapsed twice back into depression & anxiety,
At 24 I had a miscarriage but really didn’t morn or anything because it was 2 weeks till I was getting married
I will have to say I married the sweetest supportive man ever was the happiest day I can remember within this fight of depression
second time I was 25 was after my son was born, sleep deprivation & anxiety of being stuck in a my little world at home with two children got to me, my body really got to me also this time after having a 4.6kg baby that left me with excess skin and couldn't get rid of the baby fat and didn't see the signs & fell into depression again,
everything was going great with my life when I broke down again, this year, missing family and friends, and wanting to see them more, wanting move home so badly to Melbourne, body image,
asking myself questions what I wanted to do with my life, what did the future hold and why I couldn't cope and do it all, I’m a mother this is my job,
i closed myself off, i was safe in my little world, I now know I'm not that woman and you can't do it all
but this time was different I saw the signs and found help,
It's more a mid life crisis this time, being 31 now
I'm still fighting it, day by day!!! still have anxiety, hard not to with four full on kids,
I look at life differently now days, I don't like my body, but I can change that, i can see my family & friends, I can have some time off and the world wont fall apart
it wasn't easy to share my feeling as i have always run from my emotions and shut them away it was easier to do that I know now life could have been easier it I talked about them out loud,
I’m a Survivor, stronger then I have been in years, just letting this all out I feel free
This has helped me with the healing process don’t get me wrong I have a long way still to go but a weight has been lifted, small steps, but it helped me,
Ask for help, everyone's can change there way on their thinking, doing things they are really passionate about, eat right, exercise and always ask for help,
I closed some door pushed people away but we cant have regrets, and cant go back, as much as I would love to some days, I’m looking forward to what my future holds, first time in years, there is always someone with a story and everyone's is different, open your ears, eyes, arms and your hearts, someone needs you and won't know how to ask for help!
I’m a busy mother of four, a photographer and writing my first cookbook,
I was trying to do to much all the time and ended up in a big mess,
Ask for help
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