Alone at 70

[Alikiwi]

As you can guess I'm 70, but oddly find myself totally alone with no one to talk to. I've lived most of my adult life in NSW, but I have no family in this state by a bizarre twist of fate. Closest I have is a nephew in Melbourne and a daughter in Tassie who I very rarely hear from. I've also had 5 failed marriages, last one of 10 years ending last year after I packed her off back to the USA. Short version is she stayed in bed 23 hours every day doing nothing, got addicted to painkillers and even after doctors warned her off it and then proved there was nothing physically wrong with her, the GP still wouldn't force her off it. By that stage she had become abusive. I had 1 friend of 8 years in this small town but she passed away last month totally unexpectedly. The only other close friends are in another town, and any contact has to be done by me.

So, life is frustrating, and I only see people when I go shopping each week. Have a couple of good neighbours but rarely see them as they work and don't seem to be around much on the weekends either. So, there's my lot, and I'm wondering, why bother? Not sure this is the right place to post, so feel free to move it.

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Alikiwi,

A very warm and caring welcome to the forums…

I will be 70 next year…I live away from my children and very rarely see them…since my husband passed away 13 years ago I I felt extremely lonely and worthless….no friends in this tiny village I live in…so I isolated myself from everyone not going out at all….before retiring age came I was told I had to volunteer x amount of hours per week to receive my job seeker benefits….which I did around 10? Years ago…

It was hard at first but I had to do it, so I stuck with it….retirement age came and went and I’m still volunteering at a well known charity shop…because it gets me out for a day and I made some nice friends….maybe volunteering yourself will help you in finding some friends…maybe if you have a men’s shed close by, volunteering their would be another option for you…also if you are passionate about any hobbies, you could ring your local council to find out if their is a group that you could attend if it’s close to you…

Loneliness is something I still struggle with at times, but thankfully not as bad as it used to be, when I just stayed home…

My kindest thoughts Dear Alikiwi…

Grandy..

[Alikiwi]

Thanks Grandy for your reply.

Actually I joined a bush walking club last year, and I do a walk about every 6 weeks, which go for 4 - 6 hours. Although 6 hours is too much I must admit, hence I skipped the last part of that one which would have added another hour. Being in the Blue Mountains those walks get extremely steep at times.

I'm just extra frustrated following yesterdays regular rental inspection as after 6 years in this house, and now on the third agent (same real estate), this one made a few complaints including cobwebs on one window I missed! What frustrates me, is the house is the tidiest it's been in 6 years, as I've cleaned up the ex's junk and sorted so much and never before had a single complaint! I've previously painted the ceiling in kitchen, dining room and lounge, and so far spent $700 adding insulation to the ceiling as it's cold in winter, dropping to 9C (inside) despite what I've done and running a wood burner 24/7 at the moment. We've had -8C here this winter, hence me feeling extra frustrated. Unfortunately that's not helping my blood pressure, but I dare say it'll settle down.

Hopefully just venting will help..

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Alikiwi,

Well done on those bush walks…I doubt I would even last an hour….I know the blue mountains very well…I can’t give you my location but I’m a couple of hundred kilometres from them and I have also had extreme cold weather plummeting into the minus degrees nighty….Unfortunately I don’t have a wood heater and being aware of electricity costs, I’m really cold most days…not wanting to put my a/c or heater on due to how expensive they are to run…😢…I sit outside in the sun most days to warm up…following it around my house…😂😂..

I am lucky in that I own my own home…very small, bit dilapidated, in need of repairs etc…but very grateful it’s mine….you’re doing very well being able to paint a ceiling…I am to scared to climb a ladder…the first step is high enough for me…

Not sure if you know about aged care and the services available to us….I remember those 3/6 monthly inspections long ago when we were renting…so pleased that doesn’t happen to me anymore because I would definitely not pass them with my mh the way it has been and is…anyway, if you ring aged care and talk to them about there house cleaning service, before your next inspection maybe get them out to clean your home for you….Not sure if it works like lawn maintenance where I get enough vouchers for 9 grass cuttings….maybe they give you the same for house cleaning? It’s free and you use the vouchers only when you want to…maybe worth for you to talk to them..

Dear Alikiwi, please talk here anytime you’re feeling lonely or you just want to chat…we are all here for you, when we can be….

My kindest always Alikiwi…

Grandy..

[Alikiwi]

Hi Grady,

Actually cleaning isn't really a problem, if I remember! But shutting the bathroom door and a bedroom (that I don't use) to keep heat in the rest of the house tends to not remind me things need doing. Today it only got to 16C inside with the wood burner going 24/7. I also cut all my own firewood and in the past I've built my own 2 story house (also designed it myself) but a couple of divorces killed all that. However I'll keep the aged services in mind for the next inspection. Going to be lazy tonight and buy chinese take away for a change.

[Alikiwi]

I really do wonder what's the point. Short answer is, I have to feed the cat, otherwise I wouldn't bother. 2nd xmas totally on my own, frankly I hate xmas. As for aged service help, sure they said yes, but the paperwork says low priority, so in 4 months nothing has happened there.

3 months ago I was 1 and a half hour into a walk with the club when the arthritis in my shoulders became unbearable and I had to turn around and walk out. I can only do short walks now, preferable not longer than that, which I do on my own.

I am lumbered with my ex's junk, and do you think I can sell any? No, not a one. I've thrown out some small junk and given away some more useful things, but it's daunting. The house being 32C these last 2 days isn't helping either, over the last 2 years I've put insulation in the ceilings but that's only half done.

I'd love to step off this planet, but not while my cat is alive. She literally is my sanity these days.

[randomxx]

Hiya Alikiwi and grandy.

Sorry to hear mate things aren't feeling too nice lately. l'm about 10younger but l worry to lately bc there's a lot of loneliness and where l am isn't helping.

l guess you'd say l'm lucky to still at least have this place as back up after l got rid of my house 18mths ago, it's just a country block and v small cabin/wkender, in a very tiny town with only a pub. l've just held onto, it's been rented out all these yrs, never stayed here myself before now. When l got rid of my house l took off caravaning 12mths and now l've just come back to here for now.

lt's only been 5wks back but the idea was l'd stay here until l figured out a plan. Either build on this or sell if l could and try to find something better and more populated. Didn't make anything on the house so now there's only this place and so it's also a bit of a trial run coming back to it, if l liked it l could build a cheap house and live for free here. lt is a lovely block and spot but yeah it's also a tiny town and v lonely here. 50k to the main town,2 other tiny ones 20k.

Dk if there any nice single girls about as yet wouldn't be many if any though but a partner would really help if she like it here.

l was divorce 12yrs ago, been someone else last 7yrs but now that hasn't worked out.

Funny but not sorry but 2 brothers married Americans and they both also ended very badly too so your not alone so to speak.

Might be same for you and grandy to maybe but so far for me round here people all seem to be partnered up and just doing their own things within their properties/homes , if you see them at all, hardly see anyone out on the streets or anything. So in a way l'd love to just plonk here save and build a small house it'd solve everything but in the other ways it might well be signing life away to just this if l did and that'd be it.

Anyone walk the streets where you are , been thinking l should get out for some walks about , never know, hardly see anyone else though anyway so l dunno if it'd help much. l mainly go up to my main town for the day, get stuff and do thing or go to the beach.

Hang in anyway guys.

rx

[Alikiwi]

Hi Randomxx

Sounds like a similar story. What gets me is never have a birthday or Xmas cards from my kids, yet before their mother left I always made sure they remembered hers. I always sent my parents cards back in NZ, up until they died. Don't know the answer probably as there isn't one.

Beach sounds nice, but 50 kms to go shopping, not so much. Country would be great except the isolation would be worse. Thanks for replying.