After 10 Years I Got Help

Erin1008 · ‎03-07-2014

It's taken me well over 10 years to speak to a psychologist/therapist about my problems and what has happened within my life to make me the person I am today. I always had a feeling that I had depression and anxiety but hearing someone else say it made it all feel so real and to be honest, quite horrifying. I was sexually assaulted by an older man who my parents considered a friend when I was about 9 years old. I didn't know what was happening or that it was wrong at the time, As I got older, it played on my mind and having trust in other males was incredibly hard and still is to this day. Throughout Primary School I was constantly bullied and I used to pee my pants a lot. Going into High School was no better, I had my fair share of two faced friends. Because of what was happening at school, I wasn't a great child at home. I was so horrible to my parents and for that, I was physically and verbally punished. A few months before my 17th Birthday I was kicked out of home, luckily my Grandmother took me for a few weeks until things had calmed down at home. After I finished school, I found myself a job as I didn't have enough faith in myself to study at uni. After a few months things were getting full on again at home and I ended up moving in with a male and his daughter who he has part time. After a few weeks we began to get close and eventually became and item, after 3 years we are still together - it has not been easy. After being together 6 months, he had heart failure and nearly passed away. It was then that I found out he had been sleeping with someone else. He knows what mistakes he has made and I hope he doesn't make them again. About a month after I quit my job due to severe bullying at work and started working for my Dad until I found something else. I haven't left. My grandparents passed away not long after and within 9 months of each other which really really broke our family. They meant the world to me and to not have them here to talk to and offer advice, it's such an empty feeling. I've had a fair few issues with people at work lately and it's tipped me well and truly over the edge. After all this time, I went to my GP and got a referral to see someone. I have just had my second session and am so thankful I took that first step but so mad at myself for leaving it this long and letting things get so bad. I have a LONG way to go yet and am currently at a stage where I am at breaking point. Hopefully things look up....

Princess · ‎04-07-2014

Hey Erin,

Good on your for posting on BB forum. The first step is always the hardest. I am fairly new at this myself but you'll soon see how many others have been through similar to you. You are definitely not alone on here.

Your past sounds similar to mine as I was molested as a child. I could never tell my parents and haven't to this day - strict Europeans so I would've got the blame anyway. Also an attempted rape at the age of 10.

When I started in primary school, coming from European background, my lunch was different from the Aussie kids (now those kids have to spend big bucks for the same gourmet lunches I had back in the day) and they used to tease me all the time. You know the name calling 'being a wog' .....

Highschool was another disaster, I wasn't in with the cool kids, I was always the outsider. Wasn't allowed to participate in any of the school acitivities because of my parents so I was a bit of an easy target. Couldn't wait to finish school.

I'm in my second marriage now. My first one ended after 22 years when my daughter told me that my ex was having an affair. Turns out he'd been having affairs for more than five years, not only with women but also with couples! I was devastated - never saw it coming. Anyway, we went our separate ways. Kids didn't like their dad for ages after that.

Hubby No 2 and I have been together for 10 years and he's been my rock since I was diagnosed with depression. I think he's a keeper!

Have had lots of other ups and downs but that would take decades to recount so I wont.

Glad you're on here Erin and keep posting!

Struggler · ‎05-07-2014

Hi Erin

Welcome to Beyond Blue and thank you for trusting us enough to share your experience.

Wow, it's a long time suffering in silence. You are here now and you've started medical treatment. You are to be congratulated for taking these first steps. I do have a lot of compassion for what you went through. It shouldn't have happened to you. No one should have to live through these horrific experiences.

I hope you gel with your psychologist/therapist, if not you can always find someone else. It is important that you feel comfortable with him/her. We are a caring community here. We do not judge but always offer our support and advice from members who endure similar experience. You cannot talk to your doc or therapist 24/7 but you can certainly do that here. Whenever you feel sad or want to talk, please just post on this forum. Even if you just want to rant, just post. There will always be people here for you.

Again, I am really pleased that you've started the treatment and joined Beyond Blue. Please let us know how you go with the therapist in the next session. Improvement doesn't happen overnight because your problem has been hidden for so long. Improve you will so please be patient with yourself.

Struggler

AGrace · ‎05-07-2014

Hi Erin,

Welcome, and what a courageous move to share your story with us. Thank you.

It can often take years for us to be emotionally, mentally, and physically be ready to open up old wounds, dig deep into our thoughts and feelings, and share with someone our deepest secrets. I think you'll find it a rarity that someone speaks about something as its happening, or immediately after. As much as you wish it hadn't taken this long, I don't think the time up til now was wasted. You spent this time Surviving.

The good thing is once you've opened the box you never have to close it again. You can get support and assistance and you can take the time to decide what it is you want for the future. I hope over the coming weeks you start to develop a strong relationship with your Psychologist. I also wanted to highlight that this doesn't have to be the only treatment option. Many people take a combined approach. Beyonblue's website will give you "resources" and "facts" around the illness and various forms of treatments.

If you feel like you're at breaking point it might be worthwhile tackling how you feel from a few different angles. In addition to posting here feel free to use the call centre and web chat. Your GP may also be able to prescribe medication, or a referral to a Psychiatrist.

I know that you're not getting along with people at work, are there other friends/family that you feel you could talk with?

AGrace