Scared

[Guest_9866]

I have been looking for some kind of help over the past week but not being successful. Not sure where to go and what/how to ask. I keep to myself. I don't have family or friends. I do not work and get government DSP assistance. I have always been a loner and while volunteered in the past, it doesn't last. I am extremely shy and socially awkward. I am scared of people generally. I do not feel connected. I use to drink etc to get past my my social anxiety. I stop drinking two years ago. It was last time I was active via apps. Got a check-up because I thought probably should as been an extended period. I got encouraged to go back to into swing. Same faces and lots of bad memories resurface. I'm generally scared of my community (its not a LGBTI+ friendly place but I suppose it is the same elsewhere). I didn’t much experience before anyway. Got use to being alone but it does hurt emotionally and mentally. I'm scared of being hurt, attacked, identified, not performing, no expert experience for a 40yo. Im scared. Being sober makes it so much harder. No help for people like me or I am still to find it

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

One thing I've picked up on with your post that I can identify with is there seems a lot of fear from people. I had this early on in my adulthood.

My then therapist told me in not realistic, that my fears were exploded, that there is many kind and friendly, supportive people out there behind the wall of evil.

From then on (1987) I've reassessed my imaginations to ask myself "is that thought realistic"? Most times it isn't so I discard it.

Another lesson for me was to be radical in my actions if I needed to save myself. I'd gone down self harm roads etc so to avoid that at all costs I decided to remove myself from my environment or employment in order to stimulate my mind like a kick start in life.

Positivity played a major role in eliminating shyness. I attended motivation lectures, read up on it and changed my mindset.

Please Google these threads and just read the first post

Beyondblue topic if all else fails - be radical

Beyondblue topic the best praise you'll ever get

Beyondblue topic you are still a jigsaw piece

Beyondblue topic 30 minutes can change your life

Repost anytime

TonyWK

[Guest_1643]

Hello Gemini 🙂
welcome here

I know how hard it is to be without family and friends. It hurts. And I can imagine it's hard to put yourself out there on (dating?) apps and be vulnerable and then find it all a bit triggering

U say you spend lots of time alone - do u have things that keep you feeling inspired - books/music/movies. In my alone times art almost became a best friend...Just thining if you were thinking to find something to replace the space where alcohol previously dominated....

I think trying to fit into a place where you feel different is so painful. I can relate to that and how personal it feels. But sometimes it's not true - it's just that the plcae is particularly judgemental. i wander if you might find more common people in other places/cities/communities which would boost your confidence.
U sound like a lovely person

[Guest_9866]

Thanks White Knight and Sleepy21. I will read the information links soon. I wasn't sure my post would be approved. I said DSP because I was scared of being identified.. I'm a Carer for my elderly father. My mother died when I was 21 and help care for her during her illness. I am technically an only child in this marriage. But have thirds and halves siblings from both sides internationally and locally. Locally not at all "close" and add family dramas locally I steer clear and consequently just dad and I. I live close by and glad I have my own place to "escape" as caring for him is "challenging". I found a great way to connect with him through numismatic and philatelic which both enjoying. Otherwise I am a visual artist but without a studio and storage been struggling (the "excuse"). But I do want to get back into it 24/7 again in 2021. I love travelling and wasn't 2020 a great year for it lol! It has been twoish years since last interaction (not that I had much before then). Same faces and bad memories of nasties. I've starting blocking. I am very afraid on so many fronts. I don't want to get old and lonely but its less stressful. Feel like its too late for me. I'm focusing on loosing weight and making myself more attractive (general society interaction purposes). I'm awkward and very terrified.

[Guest_9866]

I read through those provided links - thankyou. I think majority of people grow up in phobia influences as though it is an expectation (e.g. race, sexuality, disabilities). Some people continue the behaviour as a dominator-complex into adult life. I have heard fathers say unpleasant things to their sons as though it is meant to be a part of education for maturing. You can still watch old television show and movies where this is mainstream present as though culturally expected. I myself have lived a hidden life through high school (was this the contributing factor for my shyness who knows?). Some of the people I interacted with when young, have since become very phobic. I myself have been a bash victim (even today my community even begin a large regional city, is still not safe). I unsuccessfully tried to find a girlfriend before mother died. Instead ended up being Asexual in the end before I even knew what there was a word and terminology for it. Even my dad wants me to get married and provide grandkids. In the past, I have even tried to convert myself (I am more comfortable saying bisexual - which is fine as I am opened minded). I use to get drunk (etc) which allowed me to generally everyday socially-interact with people. I have been a loyal employee in the past, but I am not a team player and prefer to work in solitude and isolation. These days only social interaction had been social apps, but even those are either not happening or can be stressful not to mention time-consuming. 2020 has been a welcome Rise of the Introverts. Rejection is a major issue for me: doesn't matter if it is job applications, asking for a date, asking for help, or anything at all - I have been badly affected by rejection on more than my fair share commonly allowed. I have seen a psychologist to help me, and following an absence this year (covid-paranoid on my part, as she deals with people from more vulnerable backgrounds that are more likely to become infected), started seeing her again as from last month. Instead of weekly or fortnightly attendance it is really just a monthly check-in chat now. But I have learnt and have the resources to understate people clearer, and identify their emotional talk wiser; while being more accepting of my values towards life. I really need a wing-person or a life coach now (maybe that what my requirements is?)