One thing I've picked up on with your post that I can identify with is there seems a lot of fear from people. I had this early on in my adulthood.
My then therapist told me in not realistic, that my fears were exploded, that there is many kind and friendly, supportive people out there behind the wall of evil.
From then on (1987) I've reassessed my imaginations to ask myself "is that thought realistic"? Most times it isn't so I discard it.
Another lesson for me was to be radical in my actions if I needed to save myself. I'd gone down self harm roads etc so to avoid that at all costs I decided to remove myself from my environment or employment in order to stimulate my mind like a kick start in life.
Positivity played a major role in eliminating shyness. I attended motivation lectures, read up on it and changed my mindset.
Please Google these threads and just read the first post
Beyondblue topic if all else fails - be radical
Beyondblue topic the best praise you'll ever get
Beyondblue topic you are still a jigsaw piece
Beyondblue topic 30 minutes can change your life
Hello Gemini 🙂
I know how hard it is to be without family and friends. It hurts. And I can imagine it's hard to put yourself out there on (dating?) apps and be vulnerable and then find it all a bit triggering
U say you spend lots of time alone - do u have things that keep you feeling inspired - books/music/movies. In my alone times art almost became a best friend...Just thining if you were thinking to find something to replace the space where alcohol previously dominated....
I think trying to fit into a place where you feel different is so painful. I can relate to that and how personal it feels. But sometimes it's not true - it's just that the plcae is particularly judgemental. i wander if you might find more common people in other places/cities/communities which would boost your confidence.
U sound like a lovely person