Scared of loosing everything

[Pieterrossouw]

Thank you for listening. I am 43 years old, recently divorced and have 4 beautiful kids. I am divorced, after 17 years of marriage, because my wife found out that I was interested in men, but I denied everything as I was scared of loosing everything, I still am. My ex, her family, my kids and some of my family members are homophobic and I will loose them forever. How do I keep on living this lie? The depression and anxiety is killing me. How do you choose your own truth over the happiness and understanding of the people you love most. Any words of advice, please

[C4]

Hi mate I know how you feel I was married for 15 years and came out 12 months ago but we never had children. I know the feeling of denial too well as we don’t want to lose what we’ve got or had . It maybe it’s the fear of the unknown either way it scary and daunting but it does get better over time but it takes a while for your mindset to get used to something you’ve denied all your life to be normal and fit in to society’s expectations. I hope you can get some counseling don’t do this process on your own it will be harder I did for a while and it nearly ruined me mentally. There is Qlife website they have online counseling from 3 pm till 12!am and can recommend counseling near you or there’s Meetup website when your ready to socialise to join lgbt groups. I know it is a lot to deal with at first but you have to be comfortable in your own skin to move forward I deal with it on a daily basis as a lot of us new to coming out do but it does get easier over time but l hope you can get the support from family there the ones that really count at first with out them I would have had a real breakdown. Let us know how you go ok

[Alexlisa]

Hello Pieterrossouw,

It sounds like you're in a really difficult situation and I really feel for you. I'm so glad that you reached out here.

C4 is right, please don't try to do this all alone. There are people and services out there that can support you through the path ahead.

I can't remember off the top of my head where, but I know there are support groups for people in a similar situation as you. I did a quick search online and found Gamma and Dale that sound like they might be helpful. Hopefully they, or Qlife will be able to point you in the right direction for some support that's specifically relevant to you.

I wish that I could be of more help, because you're really very brave for facing this. I myself am gay, though don't have experience in your situation, but I've watched my cousin go through a similar issue. He has children, was married, a very conservative family. It took a long time for him to find confidence in his new life, but I've never seen him so at peace with himself.

Take care,

Alexlisa x