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MsPurple LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place
  • replies: 221

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations H... View more

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations Here you can ask questions about anything from questioning your sexuality/gender identity, coming out concerns, dating, mental health etc. If you are an ally (an Ally is a person who considers themselves a friend to the LGBTQ+ community) you are also welcome to come here to be a support to our community and ask questions as well. This is a supportive place for people to discuss their questions and concerns, we are not a place of judgement. As Thumper from the movie Bambi said "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all." If you are looking for a more social and light hearted conversation might I suggest joining us on the thread under BB social/rainbow cafe. Copy and paste the link: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/let's-chat-about-anything Feel free to introduce yourself below and ask any question/s I thought I'd answer one common question in the intro post and this is one I have heard a lot. What do the letters mean? When referring to the community it is shortened to LGBT+ as there are more letters than just the 4. I have put some of the common ones here: Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Transsexual Two-spirited Queer Questioning Intersex Asexual Ally Pansexual Agender Gender Queer Welcome everyone and hope to see you around on this thread and around the BB forums MP

Chris_B IMPORTANT: Information and guidelines for posting in this section
  • replies: 0

The Sexuality & Gender Identity space is a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ) a safe spa... View more

The Sexuality & Gender Identity space is a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ) a safe space to talk about how issues relating to gender identity and sexual orientation impact on mental health and wellbeing. 2. This includes discussion of and support around chronic illnesses such as HIV which disproportionately affect gay, bisexual and other men who have sex with men. 3. As this is a safe and affirming space for LGBTIQ individuals, please note this is not an appropriate space for debating the "rights and wrongs" of homosexuality, bisexuality, or gender fluidity itself. This includes use of terms such as "lifestyle" and "choice". 4. This sub-forum is and always will be a safe and supportive place for LGBTIQ people concerned with what we all need to do to stay well. That said, others are welcome provided they respect that this is primarily a LGBTIQ space. 5. If you do not identify as LGBTIQ, or are not currently supporting someone in your life who is LGBTIQ, and are curious about aspects of sexuality or gender identity, please read through beyondblue’s resources for and about LGBTIQ people here to educate yourself rather than posting in this section.

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Sabble1980 Help anti same sex parents
  • replies: 3

My girlfriend is 23 and I’m 36 we have been in a relationship for a couple of months but her parents are starting to try cause havoc . Like banning me from entering her estate where she lives . She literally only an hour ago found us sitting on side ... View more

My girlfriend is 23 and I’m 36 we have been in a relationship for a couple of months but her parents are starting to try cause havoc . Like banning me from entering her estate where she lives . She literally only an hour ago found us sitting on side walk together at night with our dogs as she charged at us then started blasting her 4wd horn constantly til I got up and went in side and she screamed at her daughter my partner . How case stop this from happening

ABitConfused Closeted parent?
  • replies: 4

Hi everyone, I'm new here, am not LGBT myself but I'm looking for advice on something a bit related. So - my parents are in their 70s and still married, I'm in my 30s. I've recently accidentally discovered (quite a lot of) gay pornography on my dad's... View more

Hi everyone, I'm new here, am not LGBT myself but I'm looking for advice on something a bit related. So - my parents are in their 70s and still married, I'm in my 30s. I've recently accidentally discovered (quite a lot of) gay pornography on my dad's computer. I get that it doesn't necessarily mean he's gay. Or it may be something he's been curious about just recently, or it may be something he's been curious about for a long time but never worked up the courage? I sometimes feel like I'm making something up out of nothing, but I haven't been able to stop thinking about it and going over things in my head. I want to stress that if it's true, I don't have a problem with it AT ALL. It's just that this has come as a huge surprise to me, and even thinking about the possibility of this has thrown up questions and thoughts that I'm still processing. I am definitely NOT talking to anyone else about this (except strangers on the internet, ha), especially other family members. I suppose I just feel like there might be something I should do about it. I'd hate to know that there was something I should have done or said but did nothing. Obviously it would be very embarrassing for him to know how I found out (how could it not be), but I'd like to do whatever I can to support if he needs it. Would it help at all to talk to him about it? If I was to ask about it, what would be the best approach? Just a wild guess but I don't think "hey dad...are you gay?" would cut it. I'm at a loss as to how I would even bring this up. Of course, he may just deny it and that would be the end of that. I also understand that saying nothing might be the best option. There may be aspects that I haven't considered, and saying anything at all would only hurt, not help. It ultimately is not my business and everyone deserves their privacy. And I may just be totally wrong about this. Should I just let him try to work through it on his own, coming to terms with the fact that he may never do so in his lifetime? I just, I don't know. I feel very awful and sad for him, and it pains me to imagine that 1. maybe there is a part of his life he felt he has always had to hide, even from his children, 2. I know growing up in the period he did (60s, 70s) would have not been easy for anyone LGBT, and I suspect his parents would not have been sympathetic 3. he will eventually be gone at some point, never having told anyone about it. But maybe that is his wish and I could respect that.

Brandy123 How to defuse arguments when he is in a bad, abusive mood
  • replies: 14

I am the gay carer for my partner of many , many years who has had Aschemic strokes over the last 8 years. Have seen a councillor a while ago who wanted to put me on sedatives and I thought how can I look after my partner while I’m sedated !! i am lo... View more

I am the gay carer for my partner of many , many years who has had Aschemic strokes over the last 8 years. Have seen a councillor a while ago who wanted to put me on sedatives and I thought how can I look after my partner while I’m sedated !! i am looking especially for suggestions or tactics to defuse arguments that accure when he is in a bad , abusive mood . Right now, all I can say is sorry and walk to another room or go on Facebook. He is on sedatives, but has limited effectiveness. All suggestions appreciated

StarOcean Looking for help.. is this the right place?
  • replies: 3

Hi guys, ill start by saying I've never really posted on anything like this but would appreciate some feedback and advice.. Im 25, male, gay. For the last 5 years I have been taking medication I have also been seeing a psychologist for around 5 month... View more

Hi guys, ill start by saying I've never really posted on anything like this but would appreciate some feedback and advice.. Im 25, male, gay. For the last 5 years I have been taking medication I have also been seeing a psychologist for around 5 months now (fortnightly sessions generally) I have almost given up with my psychologist as I keep feeling like I haven't done the homework and stuck to the tasks he gives me - we are doing cognitive behaviour therapy. I feel like I need to go in every time I see him with good news like I'm getting better, but I'm not. i initially got on medication which initially made me feel great and it gave me a get up and go attitude, I was almost never anxious and I didn't want to just lay in bed all day. Things have happened now, I've come to terms with my sexuality finally and Im happy with it. I've had some really poor choices in partners, meth addicts, alcoholic, cheaters. I've been beaten by one of them, another gave me an STD and I started using drugs. I've moved on from those. I moved back into my parents home as I was drinking too much by myself and couldn't save any money. I can't help shaking this feeling of complete loneliness, sadness and overwhelming anxiety. People think I'm completely ok and doing well but my head is always racing, I've been working on "awareness" but all it's made me see is how much my thoughts race and notice my insecurities even more. I feel like the only time I can be happy is when I'm bringing other people down... I'm so judgemental. When did I become such a horrible person? I'm such a negative person I don't have a lot of friends or people in my life. I can't even bring myself to talk about this with my doctor or therapist. I just go in and smile and act like everything is okay so they don't think I'm crazy.. Then I bring myself home to lay in bed until the day starts all over again. I have so much trouble talking to people, the most anyone sees me talk is making a sarcastic nasty remark or it's via text message. I feel like the gay community rejects me for not being promiscuous and queeny enough. I feel like the straight community sees me as "gay (my name)" like I'm a token or something. I wish I had someone I could talk about this with? I don't want people to think I'm attention seeking though where do I go from here? Nothing is working. I'm depressed, lonely and too worried about what others will think of me if I tell them how I feel?

b_l_u_e_b_e_l_l_ Married but feeling like a fraud....
  • replies: 16

Thanks for reading.. I'm feeling really alone and confused and just thought this would be a safe space to air some thoughts. I've been married for 10 years... we have 3 beautiful children together. I suffer from severe depression and anxiety and have... View more

Thanks for reading.. I'm feeling really alone and confused and just thought this would be a safe space to air some thoughts. I've been married for 10 years... we have 3 beautiful children together. I suffer from severe depression and anxiety and have been in crisis this year but feel I'm recovering from the worst of it I'm here though because I feel like a fraud. I was in a relationship with a woman from roughly age 15 -20 on and off. I loved her...she was my soul mate. I had strong feelings for other girls from the time I was about 12... but never told anyone. I have a trauma history and wonder whether that has had an impact on my sexuality. I find intimacy with my husband extremely difficult... but can't find a way of saying it's because I'm not typically attracted to men .. it would break his heart.. and I can't do that. I got married for the wrong reasons... to be "normal" ... to fulfil my dreams of being a parent and to escape my awful home life. I feel awful thinking about how much my husband loves me and how little he knows about all. We have tried relationship therapy after we lost our daughter a few years back... and have tried again recently.... but I can't be totally honest with them. The whole SSM debate has been really hard for me... feeling like I'm living a lie... feeling really envious of people who have come out and are living their lives to potential. It's such a different and more safe climate now than it was 20 years ago. My husband and his family are all very conservative and would have all voted no... no one knows I voted yes. I'm not going to leave my husband. I said my vows and I meant them. I just need to find a way to live with myself knowing I can never really be free to be who I am.

melbtown123 My dad is voting "no" in the postal vote...how do I tell him about me.........
  • replies: 9

So my dad is conservative and is voting no in the upcoming same sex marriage postal vote. I have known for about 6 months now that I am bisexual. I have not told my dad (or family or 95% of my friends) and I don't think I could ever tell my dad if he... View more

So my dad is conservative and is voting no in the upcoming same sex marriage postal vote. I have known for about 6 months now that I am bisexual. I have not told my dad (or family or 95% of my friends) and I don't think I could ever tell my dad if he votes no, I don't think I could live with that reality or hide it for the rest of my life. I would be the only gay person in my family! It feels like there is a 50% chance he will reject me and still vote no - he has a bad temper and it could end up in a very bad argument. I currently have a boyfriend but that doesn't mean I'm straight and only ever want to date boys, one day I might bring a girl home. Basically I am scared to tell him (I've cried about it a few times) even though I find it to be normal and not a weird thing to be bisexual or sexually diverse. He does not think this for some reason. I want to tell him before he votes and hopefully he changes his vote to a YES in support and acceptance of me. Basically the main reason I am scared to come out is my dad... I'm not sure what it means if he rejects me and still votes no. He's not a bad man, he's just conservative and has a temper especially when confronted with something that makes him uncomfortable. Any advice on how I can handle this will be very appreciated as I know I have to tell him before he votes, I shake with nerves thinking about telling him and since I'm not out I don't have anyone to talk about this with. (I'm a 21 y/o girl).

Sam132 I'm gay and I can't deal with it anymore
  • replies: 8

Hi I about 6 months ago I came out for the first time to a good friend. It's went really well and he has supported me through this and help me tell others. But some days I feel like I want back in the closet. It's not because people take it badly it'... View more

Hi I about 6 months ago I came out for the first time to a good friend. It's went really well and he has supported me through this and help me tell others. But some days I feel like I want back in the closet. It's not because people take it badly it's just the thought of never being "normal" and having a family and kids is killing me on the inside. When my friends talk about girls I feel so empty and sad that I will never be able to feel what they are, and that I can't let my emotions out to them without a awkward stigma in the room. I've had a crush on my best friend for years now and this is probably one of the hardest things ive had to deal with. He knows I do because I told him when I was drunk. He doesn't seem to mind and thinks it's kind of funny but it just kills me inside know that I can never have a relationship with him. Most days I just sit there wishing I was normal and it's really effecting my grades, I barley do any work in class and I have no direction in life. I don't know what to do i could talk to someone but im horrible with talking about that stuff face to face I can never get the words out. thought I'd try out this forum because I know I'm not the only one and I just want to talk about it but it's impossible for me to do it face to face.

Ads1969 In love with someone in love with another.
  • replies: 6

Im a gay male. I met this guy in May and he was loving and sexual. Till I told him I had feelings towards him and then he stopped, saying it was too soon. He won't visit my place either as he's afraid that something sexually will happen between us (Y... View more

Im a gay male. I met this guy in May and he was loving and sexual. Till I told him I had feelings towards him and then he stopped, saying it was too soon. He won't visit my place either as he's afraid that something sexually will happen between us (Yes he has admitted that to me) He's still in love with his ex in the UK, (who now lives in a different city and has a boyfriend of his own.) He is going back again soon for a short time to see if he can get back together, but I’m not sure if that is going to happen or not because of the aforementioned. I will know when he gets back to Australia. We still see each other from time to time socially, and have a great time, have similar interests and we just seemed to "click" I know he is seeing other men socially and sexually in the mean time and this makes me upset and jealous, and worthless, as he seems to be afraid of getting intimate with me anymore. (I think deep down he may also have the same feelings for me?) As far as I know I have a few options but have no idea which way to turn. I have a few options, Tell him how much I am in love with him and my true feelings Tell him I can't see him anymore, and break off all contact is its upsetting me. Continue as friends as I have been doing and wait till he comes back from the UK. Ask him then what he wants to do then. Forget about love and just be friends only with him. My mind is all mixed up and have days where I am quite accepting of the situation and can continue as normal. And other days where I just want to cry all day. Thankfully, so far I've been strong enough not to phone or message him when Im feeling that emotional.

lind66 LONELY
  • replies: 4

Hi I am writing this as concern for my son. He has come out 12mths ago at the ae of 19. He was raised in a homophobic environment and had suffered sever anxiety and old. since coming out his mental state has improved and he is was very happy and he w... View more

Hi I am writing this as concern for my son. He has come out 12mths ago at the ae of 19. He was raised in a homophobic environment and had suffered sever anxiety and old. since coming out his mental state has improved and he is was very happy and he was well supported. He is been over seas for 5 months working and holidaying and has come back to do a 7 week course. BUT he has come back to literally NO FRIENDS.he did decided to leave the past behind and has done volunteer work within the LGBT community. He has also attended some get together but found them to be very clickie and not welcoming. He is usually very happy and a very giving person. Adelaide doesn't have a big LGTB community and i can see a spiral fall into depression he is giving up. He has tried apps as well but gets the run around. We have tried everything but he is so lonely. HELP