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BeyondBlue Welcome! Read this to learn more about this section of the Forums
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Sexuality and Gender Identity section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This is a safe space to discuss sexuality and gender identity and share with others who have a lived experience of how these factors impact their mental he... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Sexuality and Gender Identity section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This is a safe space to discuss sexuality and gender identity and share with others who have a lived experience of how these factors impact their mental health and wellbeing. We welcome all conversations here and want to know how you feel and what has helped you to be your best self. A few important tips and rules for this section are below. What is important is that this is a welcoming, kind and supportive space for everyone. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ+) a safe space to talk about how issues relating to gender identity and sexual orientation impact on mental health and wellbeing. This includes discussion of and support around chronic illnesses such as HIV which disproportionately affect gay, bisexual and other men who have sex with men. As this is a safe and affirming space for LGBTIQ+ individuals, please note this is not an appropriate space for debating the "rights and wrongs" of homosexuality, bisexuality, or gender fluidity itself. This includes use of terms such as "lifestyle" and "choice". This sub-forum is and always will be a safe and supportive place for LGBTIQ+ people concerned with what we all need to do to stay well. That said, others are welcome provided they respect that this is primarily a LGBTIQ+ space. Thank you and welcome Beyond Blue

MsPurple LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place
  • replies: 224

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations H... View more

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations Here you can ask questions about anything from questioning your sexuality/gender identity, coming out concerns, dating, mental health etc. If you are an ally (an Ally is a person who considers themselves a friend to the LGBTQ+ community) you are also welcome to come here to be a support to our community and ask questions as well. This is a supportive place for people to discuss their questions and concerns, we are not a place of judgement. As Thumper from the movie Bambi said "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all." If you are looking for a more social and light hearted conversation might I suggest joining us on the thread under BB social/rainbow cafe. Copy and paste the link: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/let's-chat-about-anything Feel free to introduce yourself below and ask any question/s I thought I'd answer one common question in the intro post and this is one I have heard a lot. What do the letters mean? When referring to the community it is shortened to LGBT+ as there are more letters than just the 4. I have put some of the common ones here: Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Transsexual Two-spirited Queer Questioning Intersex Asexual Ally Pansexual Agender Gender Queer Welcome everyone and hope to see you around on this thread and around the BB forums MP

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Mil Supporting a friend with gender issues
  • replies: 5

Hello, This forum has been great and I'm happy there is a LGBTQ+ section! I'm bisexual myself and in a loving relationship with a wonderful woman. I was somehow super lucky to not plague myself with questions about my sexual orientation, and even mor... View more

Hello, This forum has been great and I'm happy there is a LGBTQ+ section! I'm bisexual myself and in a loving relationship with a wonderful woman. I was somehow super lucky to not plague myself with questions about my sexual orientation, and even more lucky that I have a very accepting family, but I know a lot of people don't have it that easy. Community support like this, even online, is awesome! I'm writing because a friend of mine just told me she thinks she might be trans/gender fluid. She doesn't know herself what's going on exactly so I'll refer to her with female pronouns here as that's how I've known her most of my life, but of course I will respect her choice of pronouns if/when she makes one. She lives in Europe whereas I have moved to Australia so we communicate online for now, but she will come visit for a few weeks soon and I want to make her feel as comfortable as possible. She's going through some pretty tough stuff right now. Actually, she's been going through a tough time since her early teens. We've known each other since pre-school, but haven't always been super close and kind of lost touch during middle/high school. We reconnected on a more regular basis in our early twenties. I guess you'd consider she had a bit of "behavioural" problems as a kid but it got much worse when she hit her teen years and has been in and out of psychiatric hospitals. She's been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, induced/reinforced(?) by trauma, so she has PTSD too. I think finally getting the diagnosis has helped her tremendously as she was finally able to find answers/resources and she has been doing generally better in the last two years. She's an awesome person, full of energy, and a talented artist. A few days ago she disclosed to me she has recently started to dress like a man and maybe wants to be one. She said she never really felt like she fit the "girl" requirements but not really the "man" ones either. She also told me being a man makes her feel "safe" so she wants to remove all marks of her femininity. As a friend, I will support her in whatever her everyday or life-long needs are. But I'm also thinking it must be pretty hard to navigate between what she really feels she IS and what her brain tells her would be "safe to be" after being sexually assaulted. So how can I help? It's not my place to address this directly with her (I'm a friend, not her psych) but we do talk about it so I don't want to say the wrong thing. Cheers, Mil

Hesse Questioning my gender identity...
  • replies: 2

I'm 16, female, year 12 - always had trouble socialising and connecting with other people. For a while now, but especially recently, I have been unsure about my gender identity and it's causing me a lot of stress. I don;t know what to think about mys... View more

I'm 16, female, year 12 - always had trouble socialising and connecting with other people. For a while now, but especially recently, I have been unsure about my gender identity and it's causing me a lot of stress. I don;t know what to think about myself and my future right now, so I thought I could come here for help and advice. Here are some of the things making me question myself, maybe someone can help me make sense of it: Ever since I was young, I've been more comfortable in men's clothes than women's; I hate wearing women's t-shirts, skirts/dresses, shorts, tank tops, etc. I am also interested in tattoos, piercings, etc., but only in a 'masculine' way; if I get piercings they'll be considered 'feminine' instead of 'cool' (for lack of a better word). The idea of being referred to as things such as 'sister', 'auntie', or 'mum' repulse me, and I always refer to myself as the 'fun uncle' when considering the future relationship I may have with my sisters' children. I also can't stand referring to myself in terms like 'woman' or 'lady'. None of my role-models or idols are women; I can't relate to women as much as men and when I imagine myself in a profession it is always the male version of that profession in comparison to a female in the same role. Male characters in movies/TV shows/etc. are more relatable to me than female characters. I've always hated the idea of becoming a parent (hence the 'fun uncle' thing), but when I imagine being called 'dad' the concept does not seem as unappealing to me. I suppose the real problem is I don't want to be a 'mother'. The idea of bringing a future partner (I'm straight aka into guys) to meet my parents, or even being in a relationship, is terrifying to me; but the same scenario as two men is much more comforting to me. The idea of a homosexual relationship is much more appealing to me than a heterosexual relationship. I have also always gotten along with guys better than with girls, but feel too separated from them emotionally and mentally to be friends. Watching that short documentary about Lauren/Levi-Nathan made me cry because I was scared I might want the same thing. I have always identified as female, but I don't know if that's because it's the gender I truly feel I am, or just the outcome of working with what I have. I have a very feminine face and objective nature; I can't help feeling that the real or only reason I identify as female is because I am biologically female. Please help me understand~

SoupForTheSoul Confused and anxious about my gender identity
  • replies: 12

So I'm turning 20 in a month and I'm not really sure of my gender identity. I am struggling with depression and anxiety as well. I am currently living as a male, but I sometime wish I was born female. I don't experience any gender dysphoria, sometime... View more

So I'm turning 20 in a month and I'm not really sure of my gender identity. I am struggling with depression and anxiety as well. I am currently living as a male, but I sometime wish I was born female. I don't experience any gender dysphoria, sometimes I just feel like I'd be happier as a woman. I've been struggling with this for nearly five years and have recently told my family about it. They're trying to help me through this but they are just as lost as I am. Sometimes I feel confident that i want to transition fully to female, but other times i feel confident that i want to stay male. I regularly feel worried that if i do transition, then i will regret it later in life. I'm scared I'll find out it's just a phase or something. I have been trying to think of myself as a woman or even use gender neutral pronouns when i think about this stuff, but i frequently find myself referring to myself as male. On the one hand, I've referred to myself as a male for almost 20 years and that can be a hard habit to break. But on the other hand, shouldn't it be easier to think of myself as a she if i'm really transgender? Sometimes i feel like i treat my dreams wrong. Sometimes i'll act as if they're what i'm really feeling, because a dream is what my subconscious is showing me. But I also think that they're just dreams and nothing more. Sometimes in my dreams i'm a female version of myself. I like these dreams because i feel so happy, and when i wake up there's an emptiness in my heart. Other times it's the same but i appear how i am now. Should i be putting any stock into dreams? or should i treat them as meaningless fantasies. I'm not unhappy living as a male but i feel like i would be happier as a woman. Another worry is that if i do transition, what if no one loves me? What if i never find a partner because any woman I fall for can only see me as a man? I know i shouldn't base my future on this but it's scary to think that i might be alone for the rest of my life. I find that online, people tend to mistake me for a woman based on how i interact with other players and i find that i like it when they do. But i also feel like i'm putting on a mask when i talk to people online, and that they aren't seeing the real me. But i also worry that my online persona is how i really am and my anxiety holds be back as a person in real life. Sorry for the wall of text, but i just don't really know what to do. Thank you for reading this. It helps to get this off my chest.

ADR Coming out as MtF to wife
  • replies: 2

Hi, I cam out to my wife as a MtF transsexual about a year a go now and every time we speak about (3 times now) if just ends up in a fight and swept under the rug like nothing happened until I have another severe bout of depression where i just want ... View more

Hi, I cam out to my wife as a MtF transsexual about a year a go now and every time we speak about (3 times now) if just ends up in a fight and swept under the rug like nothing happened until I have another severe bout of depression where i just want to end it all. She say that she needs time to get her head around this like always and all she dose it put it to the back of her mind and pretends like noting is happening (her words from about 30mins ago)and i ask her is there anything I can do to help and all i get told is to just leave her alone . She doesn't have any friends to talk about it with and she doesn't want to see my counsellor (I haven't seen in a while as of my last session with her she wanted to see my wife, the wife said she would make an appointment but never did) or anyone about this and i am the only person who she apparently talk her problems through with. I just cant deal with her yelling at me about this when she is "having a conversation" with me about it. I honestly don't know what to do, i am tired of living in constant depression and I hate seeing my wife upset. Am I just going to be stuck on this shitty roller coaster for the rest of my life making no changes and just barely keeping my wife happy with trust issues. What do I do?

Curious_Kiwozzie Advice Or Opinions Please - Should I Tell My Wife I'm Exploring Bi/Gay Contact.
  • replies: 14

Hi, I am a 46 year old man. I'm happily married to my wife, we've been together for 21years. She's the mother of our 3 adult kids, she's my best friend, she's my rock and she really is the love of my life. I still find my wife very attractive and I l... View more

Hi, I am a 46 year old man. I'm happily married to my wife, we've been together for 21years. She's the mother of our 3 adult kids, she's my best friend, she's my rock and she really is the love of my life. I still find my wife very attractive and I love her deeply. We don't have sex very often, barely once every couple of months, I'm just not interested, I think because I have "performance issues" sometimes. For around the last 15 years, at times, I have desired and fantasized about being intimate with another man. My wife doesn't know this, I don't think she'd take it well. I have only recently decided to explore these urges in a safe, discrete way. I've had one encounter with a man, we didn't do everything I'd like to try, but we both enjoyed it, even though my "performance issues" made an appearance. I've decided to search for a partnered gay man or couple to explore with safely, on a regular basis, although I'm still not 100% sure if I'm really into other men sexually, or if it is just curiosity and fantasy, and that once I've done it I won't want to do it again. I feel guilty doing this behind my wifes back, but male intimacy is something that she obviously can't provide and I feel it's something I need to explore, for me. I don't know if I should talk about this with her. I don't plan on starting a relationship, just to explore "getting off" with another man. I don't want to lose everything we've built together, or the plans for our future. Is it wrong for me to not tell her, keep it a secret and once I've "scratched the itch", go on as if nothing has happened?

Anonymous_Man Ashamed & Worried about being Gay
  • replies: 4

I’ve been attracted to men for around 15 years. It’s a secret I’ve kept from everyone in my life. I’ve met up with guys once a month or so discreetly through dating apps. After I meet with them I leave feeling very ashamed of myself and feel depresse... View more

I’ve been attracted to men for around 15 years. It’s a secret I’ve kept from everyone in my life. I’ve met up with guys once a month or so discreetly through dating apps. After I meet with them I leave feeling very ashamed of myself and feel depressed. I know it’s a lot more acceptable and common nowadays to come out as being Gay. But it’s not something I think I want to do. I have massive problems with self confidence and anxiety and hate thinking that people are talking about me behind my back. i want to be straight like my family and friends and meet a girl and marry her, then start a family. Its been such a heavy burden for me personally. I’ve had attractions with straight friends that are close to me over the years as well. I feel like coming out would effect my family, friends and work. But part of me knows that a lot of my friends and family probably suspect it anyway. I constantly put others before myself for the reason that I don’t want to admit what’s going wrong with my life and face the reality of the situation. Ive just watched that new movie Love, Simon and found it very relatable and inspiring for aspects of what I’ve gone through in my life as well. I’m just not sure it’s something I want to pursue. I know people say ‘you can’t choose who you love’. But I’m craving for a straight relationship like my friends and family so I fit in to what’s deemed normal. I just have such little self confidence in myself that I don’t even know where to start...

Rusty123 I'm gay
  • replies: 8

I think to be happy I got to come to terms and realize this is me I attracted to men, it just very hard to admit it to others, I had a few secret relationships with a few guys and my ex wife knows I am this way. How can I come out and be open to ever... View more

I think to be happy I got to come to terms and realize this is me I attracted to men, it just very hard to admit it to others, I had a few secret relationships with a few guys and my ex wife knows I am this way. How can I come out and be open to everyone, maybe get a decent biyfriend

Natt_xox Gay 50s, lonely, at last won the 6 year cancer battle. Happy Days where are you..?
  • replies: 4

Newby here, so glad l discovered this site, forums, and yes, we are all on a journey and have a story to tell. Been gay forever, never really struggled with it, selective who knew who didn't, lucky with work (travel industry) that generally accepting... View more

Newby here, so glad l discovered this site, forums, and yes, we are all on a journey and have a story to tell. Been gay forever, never really struggled with it, selective who knew who didn't, lucky with work (travel industry) that generally accepting. Now in my late 50's and having struggled with the whole prostrate cancer journey and throwing everything at it including the kitchen sink, seem to be in the all clear (fingers and everything else crossed) This journey leaves one somewhat tired, depressed and lonely, not to mention what it does to ones confidence to being able to reconnect on all levels. Single, retired, having sold my B&B and attempting to reconnect with what my Dr. describes as the new norm?! Like so many other posts to these forums just not sure where and how to start over, how to reconnect. I don't have many friends, they get sorted when you have the "cancer journey" which is a shame, but somewhere in all that l formed a opinion of "just don't want to be a burden or annoy people" I live in Melbourne's west and just feel sad and disconnected. It really is a combination age, self isolation.... depression anxiety and helplessness. Did volunteering for the last 4 years, (to keep connected) had my own business for last 6 years (B&B in country) and now time for new beginnings ..or so l thought, but the loneliness, anxiety and depression is crippling. Not on the scene, never have been, just seemed to have been happy along the way sharing my journey with ex's. Cancer doesn't wear a watch and unfortunately was single at the time of getting on that bus! Feeling despair, sadness. I am on mild anti depressants and have a ok Doctor...just ok! l know there is more out there , l have been there. Natt

Neikki Married guy but finally admit I’m transgender
  • replies: 8

Hello everyone, I am glad I found beyondblue as I need people to talk to about my situation. I am a married Male and I am 45 but I have always felt more comfortable being around women. I remember as a child being dressed up by my sister and later if ... View more

Hello everyone, I am glad I found beyondblue as I need people to talk to about my situation. I am a married Male and I am 45 but I have always felt more comfortable being around women. I remember as a child being dressed up by my sister and later if I was home alone I would try on her clothes and my mums and I always felt different. I also grew up in my teenage years with a secret gay friendship with a guy about 7 years older than me. He was gay and introduced me to being bisexual as I had girlfriends at the same time. I recently realised I am a bisexual transgender. I am so freightened to come out as I will lose all of my male friends and all of my family except possibly my daughter. I am tired of lying to others and myself but don’t want to lose everything I have, friends, home etc. I told my wife she is only 22 and we met 5 years ago and she was so supportive it was amazing but after about 6 weeks she did a total backflip and was going to leave me so I agreed to not show my feminine side around her and nothing more would be spoken of it. I do have a female friend who is a lesbian and gender fluid that I have told I am a bisexual transgender and she is absolutely amazing and so supportive but she doesn’t know my entire story as above. I suffer severe depression and have for 20 years due mainly to my previous relationship with my children’s mother. I would love to hear from anyone who has come out as transgender and or bisexual and anyone else who can offer advice, support, friendship, chatting. I really need people to talk to xox

4smallbean4 Bisexual introduction!!!
  • replies: 1

Hi, this is just a little introduction about me! I am a Bisexual teenager that has only recently started to come out to close friends and family. I live in a fairly religious part of Australia and currently attend a Christian school. I suffer from an... View more

Hi, this is just a little introduction about me! I am a Bisexual teenager that has only recently started to come out to close friends and family. I live in a fairly religious part of Australia and currently attend a Christian school. I suffer from anxiety and depression, which in the past has caused me to self-harm and have suicidal thoughts. I have come out to some of my family and very close friends, and although most of them disagree with the LGBT+ community I have not had any really bad experiences yet, which I am so thankful for. The problem is that I feel like I am the only person like me and I feel so different and alone a lot of the time. Even though some of my friends at school know I am Bi I still feel like I am hiding so much about me because I don't want to make them uncomfortable when I say what I really think. I never really get the chance to meet and talk to anyone like me, which is why I have joined these threads. I am also completely in love with one of my good friends, which sucks because she is straight. So if anyone has any tips on how to stop being in love it would be much appreciated.

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